Are you one of the many anticipating a summer of fictitious fun? Does the Bruce Almighty god you pray to absolve you of all harmful UV rays? Has a trip to the local salon made you and a friend officially Legally Blonde 2? Or are you 2 Fast 2 Furious for the beach?
Perhaps your only goal this summer is to get out of the heat and into the air-conditioning. Either way, the summer of 2003 promises to provide hours worth of entertainment, at least at the Cineplex.
With over 130 movies expected to hit the hot air waves this summer, the movie powers-that-be promise that there is at least one movie out there for every heat stroke victim. Expect lots of action, expect lots of comedy, expect to bring lots of cash (popcorn doesn't buy itself). The only real question is; when does this journey toward flick fulfillment begin?
For most of us, summer doesn't officially start until June 21st. For the studio executives, more driven to make sales than a Girl Scout with a box full of Thin Mints, summer can't come soon enough. After all, summer only officially lasts three months, but good movies last a lifetime.
Here's a look at some of the summer Blockbusters
riding in on the still chilly waves:
For the religious type, Hollywood offers the Jim Carrey/Jennifer
Anniston comedy Bruce Almighty (opening May 23rd). It seems
that God (played by Morgan Freeman) needs a vacation just
like the rest of us. Enter fluff piece reporter Bruce Nolan
(Carrey), a simple guy who dreams of becoming a big time anchorman.
Bruce, it seems, has a gift for making those around him happy.
God, naturally, is hip to that. He knows a good seat filler when
he seems one. Bruce's girlfriend Grace (Anniston) must contend
with the newly appointed holier-than-thou's antics and the ensuing
laughter director Tom Shadyac promises. Amen.
If you love nothing more than a good repeat with a (hopefully original) twist, you'll love the summer of 2003 (otherwise known as the Summer of Sequels).
There's, X2: X-Men United (May 2nd), The Matrix Reloaded (May 15th), and 2 Fast 2 Furious (June 6th), to kick the summer off before it actually begins.
Speaking of kicking, the girls are back for some harmless fun in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (June 27th). Arnold Schwarzenegger makes his long-awaited return in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, opening the same day as the equally long-awaited (just not by the same crowd) Reese Witherspoon Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (July 2nd).
The Will Smith/Martin Lawrence Bad Boys II promises to cause some trouble when it opens July 18th. Lest we forget another girl who likes to kick, there's Angelina Jolie's Laura Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life opening July 25th. Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (we hope) also opens July 25th (again, not expecting the same crowd). Last, and possibly least, American Wedding (American Pie x 3), opens August 1st. Dessert just never ends in the land of movies.
Strangely out of place in the land of sequels is When Harry Met Lloyd: Dumb and Dumberer, the prequel to Dumb and Dumber (which, unless you're really dumb, you already knew). It opens June 13th. Don't expect Jim Carrey to be at the premiere.
Also promising to be entertainingly satisfying is:
The Rock Hudson/Doris Day/Tony Randall
inspired flick Down with Love starring Renee Zellweger
and Ewan McGregor opens May 16th. Tony Randall
even has a part in this throwback to the '60s film. The jury's
still out on whether or not audiences will actually throw
this one back to the '60s. Kid, as well as adult friendly, Finding
Nemo finds a home May 30th.
Ang Lee's much talked about The Hulk opens June 20th. However, the talk these days seems to revolve around how real the giant green guy looks. How real could he look? He's a giant green guy.
Seabiscuit starring Tobey Maguire opens July 25th. Good buzzword so far suggests this film will entertain more than just jockeys.
Gigli (retitled Tough Love, retitled Gigli) starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez opens August 1st. So far, there' more talk about the real life couple than the actual film.
Not a good sign, but smart money says JLo
playing a lesbian contract killer will draw a
crowd. Matchstick Men, starring Nicolas Cage, opens August
8th. Seeing Cage as a con-man/dad/obsessively compulsive messed-up
human being is worth the price of a movie ticket.
Whether you're into jolly green giants, lesbians who kill and the actors who come to love them, or (possibly stale at this point) apple pie, there really is something for everyone this summer at the movies.
However you choose to spend your summer, remember, overexposure to the sun causes premature aging. Overexposure to overpaid talent does not.
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