A Blinverted Recap

Before I give my 2007 NFL picks, I want to revisit last year's only to brag about how smart I am. When Donovan McNabb got hurt I did bail on the Eagles but I stuck with the Colts all year, even when they lost to the Texans.

Here are my wandering, blinverted thoughted, football picks. Last year my picks were shoddy at best so I am looking for an even six of one and a half dozen of the other.

The Divison Winners AFC

East

2 New England Patriots

North

4 Pittsburgh Steelers

South

1 Indianapolis Colts

West

3 Kansas City Chiefs

Wild Cards

6 Cincinnati Bengals & 5 Denver Broncos

The Divison Winners NFC

East

3 Washington Redskins

North

4 Green Bay Packers

South

1 Carolina Panthers

West

2 Seattle Seahawks

Wild Cards
5 Philadelphia Eagles & 6 Arizona Cardinals

The first round would see three out of four Wild Card teams advance, only the Cardinals getting beat in their triumphant return ot the playoffs.

In the second round, the Colts would beat the Bengals while the Patriots beat the Broncos to set-up the AFC Cahmpinoship everyone wants.

The NFC would see the Eagles shock the Panthers in Carolina while the other NFC East team goes west to beat the Seahawks in Seattle, setting-up an all NFC East NFC Championship Game.

My Super Bowl pick is Indy versus Philly and I see the Colts getting the Lombardi trophy.

What's great about me, it's what makes me blinverted I think, is that I'll stand behind these picks.

I sure am glad the NFL is back.

A Decade Late Review

        Desperation, according to the copyright page, was released in 1996. I have owned it since 1999. I finally rode the bus across the country in May of 2006 and the time came for me to read Desperation.

        I am a huge Stephen King fan and this decade old book is fantastic. It was only dated once, as far as I could tell, when a remark was made about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers never winning the Super Bowl. Ask Raider Nation if the Buccaneers have been to the Super Bowl. If Raider Fan doesn't kill you for asking that question, try and slip this one in: who was the Bucs coach, again?

        I heard my favorite Raider Fan story on The Jim Rome Show. A clone called in and shared it with The Jungle. It was six in the morning and this clone was in a convienience store when a Raider Fan walked into the store. He wanted to buy some beer but the clerk said it was too early to sell it. So Raider Fan walks outside. In the time it would take for Raider Fan A to walk outside and tell Raider Fan B that he could not get beer there was silence in the store. Then the silence was broken from outside.

        "What?!"

        The clone looks at the clerk.

        "Let it ride, brother. Just sell the beer, man. That's Raider Fan."

        Raider Fan B walks in. Six in the morning, full Raider Nation costume on, most likely awake for over twenty-four hours and drunk for a good number of them. Suffice it to say, Raider Fan B walked out with the booze.

        You know, I forgot to tell you that talking about Desperation is somewhat timely seeing that ABC recently did a mini-series on the sleepy Nevada town overtaken by evil when a cursed mine shaft is re-opened.

        So with that, and the Raider Fan story, things are coming together far above desperation. I can't back that up, I got nothing here. I really am reviewing a book that is a decade old. Well, I wrote that up there, might as well continue the dance.

        Stehpen King writes on so many levels that his books are journeys connected to other journeys he has already taken us on. And hopefully will continue to take us on. His new book Cell is one I hope to read before a decade passes again.

        The Dark Tower is a whisper that gives the evil hidden in The China Pit a familiar face. Many familiar faces as the small can tahs mesmerize those near them in a way Susannah once fell victim to on a New York park bench. He added a twist to the idea of evil eating away at the good it possesses. The bodies of those possessed by the unleashed evil are quickly eaten away, especially if they are already sick (one had prostate cancer, one a pacemaker, one a yeast infection), but they are at the same time made into a larger being. The one healthy body evil got a hold of, the deputy named Collie, was a massive man that grew over three inches in height, as did the others until their bodies gave out and the evil sought the next host.

        The other characters were an astonishing blend: a family from Ohio, a writer on a Harley, a couple from New York, the guy following the writer and the chick he picked up along the way. That crew even picked up an old drunk vet and a spy along the way.

        The best scene in the book was when the family's son, David, squeezed out of his prison cell (how he got in there is such a fun ride I will let you read it a decade late like me) while the writer used his expensive Barney's leather jacket to distract the coyote who was left to guard the prisoners. David got out of the room, covered in soap and naked, before the coyote could get him. He searched the Desperation Police Station and only found bodies, one very dear to him, and the weapon he sought. The adults on the other side of the door. The adults in the prison cells who stared at the coyote's back. The adults screamed instruction to the boy. The boy steeled himself, opened the door, the coyote took a step back then lunged and the boy shot. The coyote fell on him but it was dying. David put the coyote, possessed by the can tahs, down for good then freed the adults from their cells.

        When I was reading that on the bus, in some American state of mind, it was like watching a movie. I gripped the book, was almost reading out loud and was so into it. That was the only part of the mini-series that I watched and it was no comparison to what I saw in my mind on that bus in whatever state I was in.

        Desperation has a book called The Regulators that is linked to it. Some guy named Richard Bachman wrote The Regulators but it seems like Stephen King is okay with it.

        Artists, always getting mad at the small stuff and making stuff up as they go.

        It is interesting to read about the famous writer, within The Collie Entragian Survival Society, that held such disdain for himself. He hated himself because of all of the drugs, drinking and women he had done. He hated himself for being a poor father. He hated himself for the wife he let get away. There was an even a hint or two that he hated the prizes his writing career brought him. It is interesting to note that the other characters were as equally developed.

        Desperation is my favorite kind of Stephen King book. It is fast-paced, long and the biggest push is not to finish it, rather see what happens next because you know that when it does end, it might just be the beginning of another story he has on his mind.

        His wonderfully dark mind.

A Fan's Unfortunate Apathy

The University of Arizona was at the pinnacle of college basketball from Sean Elliot's junior year in the 1987-1988 season that ended against Oklahoma in Lute Olson's first trip to the Final Four with the Wildcats.

The Hall of Fame coach also took Iowa to the Final Four.

Their end as one of the eilte programs ended on the same night Duke's ticket to the elite level was punched. It was the 2001 NCAA Championship Game when the Blue Devils won over the Wildcats. Neither program has been back to the Championship Game since.

Is Lute Olson a better coach than he was twenty years ago when he had his first 20 win season? I think so. The question that irks me is this: is he a better coach today than he was five years ago?

When the 'Cats were rolling, the first five minutes of the second half was their signature time. Adjustments were made in the locker room and the team came out hungry to take control of the game. There were role players like Joe Turner, Craig McMillan, Wayne Womack, Matt Muelbach, Matt Othick, Jarvis Kelley, Joe Mclean and Gene Edgerson who stepped onto the court and made their presence felt.

For years, I believe, Olson was simply the best coach around. Players like Steve Kerr, Jud Buechler, Sean Rooks, Ed Stokes, Jason Terry and Channing Frye became NBA prospects, all of whom had some time in the league, because he brought their talent out like no other coach could.

When his teams lost to guard oriented teams in the first rounds of '91 and '92, he became guard oriented to keep up. Then U of A became point guard U. The names are amazing: Khlaid Reeves, Reggie Geary, Damon Stoudamire, Mike Bibby and Jason Terry all were drafted by NBA teams. Jason Gardner played in Europe.

We come to the first concern. Is Lute ready to re-invent himself again? The drive for the title pushed him after Santa Clara, led by Steve Nash, knocked his number 2 seeded squad out in the first round of the 1992 tournament. He reached that pinnacle in 1997 with three guards, Bibby, Miles Simon and Michael Dickerson (he might have been a small forward since the two positions are interchangeable in Lute's system). A couple of overacheiving big men, Bennet Davison and AJ Bramlett, and Jason Terry coming off the bench, did just enough while Miles Simon made every play on the court to beat three number 1 seeds on the way to the title.

Since Coach Olson has started his run at Arizona, there have been many schools that have been seeded number 1 in the brackets at tourney time. Auburn, St. Joe's, Missouri, Wake Forest, Villanova, Cincinnati, Stanford and Washington have all been ranked as one of the four best teams from 1988 to 2001. Arkansas, Maryland, UNLV and even UCLA all won titles only to miss the tourney a few years later.

The landscape of college basketball has changed. In 1988, when Sean Elliot finished his amazing junior season, there was no question he was coming back for his senior year. Center Anthony Cook was not talking to agents to see if he would be drafted. Now, after one season, Marcus Williams was thinking about going pro. Chase Budinger has a look at the big time right now too and coaches now know that it is silly to try and tell them not to take the money.
To play basketball? Yes, go to the draft. New NBA rules force players like Greg Oden to go to a college for a year and thank goodness, I'm a Buckeye fan.

The NBA is a dying league because they are telling 18 year old men that they can't work for them. Rules like that lead to other rules that weaken the infrastructure of organizations.

Lute Olson is in a great place in his life. That is the other problem I see with his teams since 2001: there is a level of apathy that is hard for fans to watch. There has been a lot of discussion in Tucson about the level of interest this Wildcat team had for the game. They did nothing against Purdue to show that they were in a one and done tournament. There were times that I watched Purdue simply want the game more. It didn't make me mad though. I haven't been mad since 1997 when Lute gave us a title. They are so hard to come by and we may never get another one but we will always have that magical run in 1997.

I missed seeing Wayne Womack diving into the tables to save the ball. I missed seeing Joe McLean and Gene Edgerson come into the game wearing knee pads because the victory meant they might have to throw their body around. I missed Ed Stokes setting a mid-court pick that floored an opposing point guard.

The only way to become hungry like that again is to play better defense, look at UCLA in the Lavin era and now in the Howland era.

The other alternative is to fall apart and re-build. The problem with that is that Lute is too good of a coach. We will win 20 next year and make a second round exit if we are lucky.

It is the cycle of sports. A prolonged level of success, if you are lucky will lead to a prolonged level of mediocrity and will usually bottom out for a prolonged period before the whole thing rolls over again.

A Four-Fer

What do you need in order to see all or part of four movies at your local cineplex? Surprisingly little. You have to have time on your hands.

Check,

It is nice to have money to buy the first ticket and any subsequent tickets in case I get caught.

Check.

Have no fear walking around a sparsely populated cineplex going in and our of theaters.

Check.

At least four movies worth seeing.

Check.

Have your wife be working so you can be alone (unless you have a buddy who has the first three stipulations checked).

Check.

I feel kinda bad about this but after all of that build-up, I didn't really do a four-fer.

Bald face lie.

Yeah, I have all of the necessary tools needed to do a four-fer and that was what I did the other day. It was really epic. I want to tell you most about it (it's not all exciting)(for most of the four-fer I was just sitting and watching various screens). So what movies did I see all of?

State of Play and Observe and Report.

Other than both movies having three word titles, they were nothing alike. State of Play was amazing in the complexity of the story. A political thriller about the life of a politician and a muddled life it was for Ben Affleck'. A wife who doesn't talk to him, a girl-friend killed on the subway, a hearing about private militaries plotting a financial takeover and an old army buddy that only wants to help him.

It is muddled for Russell Crowe as well, a slob of a reporter from the old school who does not want to adapt to the bloggers that report news in this day and age. Chasing down sources and gathering information on what goes from a story to a murder case as quick as the next morning's headline.

State of Play is a great movie as the death of the newspaper was also a topic and a strong force oushing the actions of Crowe and his new blogging partner Rachel McAdams as they piece together a convoluted story and the audience is able to piece it together with them. It will probably get lost in the Oscar shuffle but the performances of Affleck, Crowe and McAdams were amazing. Helen Mirren was also stellar as the editor-in-chief at the Washington Globe. the movie itself will bnot get nominated for best picture but the editing should get a nod as it put the movie together in such a fantastic way as to keep you involved as the story was pushed by the journey of Crowe and McAdams.

Observe and Report was every bit as enjoyable of a time for a far different reason. The vulgar comedy hit on every note of hilarious depravity it set out to hit on. Seth Rogan owned the screen as the Mall Cop that wanted to be the one to find a flasher. Although he didn't really do any real police work to find out who the flasher was, or the guy who was robbing the mall was either, both fell into his lap with hilarious consequences. The language of Observe and Report is really vulgar and there is male frontal nudity so be ready for that. you should also be ready to laugh the whole time you are watching it.

The partial two I saw were Earth and Monsters Versus Aliens. I did get hungry while watching the amazing second half of Earth and when I went to get some super nachos and went back, the movie ended on me. That was kinda funny I thought. James Earl Jones does the voice-over for Earth and it is fantastic.

Monsters Versus Aliens is hilarious too in a more wholesome way then Observe and Report. I need to see the end of the movie to put it all together but I laughed the whole through the first two acts. I realize people usually don't give a review on a movie they admittedly have not seen all the way through but there is a word for that...

Blinverted.

A Lyrical Review to a Gruesome Film Noir

I

Boys Night Out

Me and Mike Z are going into Basin City. We want to stop in Old Town to see the score and get a fine whore. Old Town can fight Las Vegas tooth and nail for the finest hooker’s ‘cause from what we heard they are all lookers.

When we get into Basin City things are not as they seem. Me and Mike Z are angels by no means but are feet were not able to touch the black and white concrete. Floating above a sinful city we see a woman in red perched atop a clandestine balcony. She has a story, that much we could see, but instead I say to Mike Z:

“She makes me think of Kelly Lebrock."

Mike Z looks at me then starts to sing the theme from Weird Science. To dirty angels floating above a sinful city singing the theme to an 80’s comedy. We stop singing and cannot even find words. Stunned, Mike Z is the only one to speak.

“I liked that guy better in a downed black hawk."

As he holds the woman in red upon the ground. Basin City has its secrets, like me and Mike Z have ours, so we float on above like a couple of dirty voyeurs.

“Where has all the color gone Z?"

“It’s there J, but it is hard to see."

We hover above a car with a man on route to a purpose. He looks like Bruce Willis to me but on that point me and Mike Z do not agree. He says the other guy looks like Michael Madsen and I say how could that happen.

It was as close as we came to ending our partnership.

We float above a foul politician’s son with a girl as his captive. A good cop draws a cannon from his hip. It all happens so fast. In the distance the sirens blast. A foul man lays mutilated, a good man sits down then we wonder about the water below and how many men have drowned in this sinful city.

Color catches our floating eyes off in the distance. It is the color of red again in a dark part of the city. The color red is the color of love. It is the color of a heart no matter how strong or weak. The color red has so many other meanings most of which me and Mike Z dare not seek. A man who looks like Mickey Rourke, only his face is now a catcher’s mitt, enjoys another woman in red’s passion on a heart shaped bed.

We know it is a sin to watch such lust but everyone needs to trust we came to Basin City for our own brush with the color red. In this city, sinning seems to be a must.

The women in red in this city have a bad habit of winding up dead.

The man with the catcher mitt face sees the color red and many men will also wind up dead. He kills his way to the top and more red bleeds into the black and white that only me and Mike Z can see. At the top is a ring bearer turned animal toting trophies like a hobbit once toted a ring. The animal looks up to another and his brother has a foul son. Me and Mike Z feel trapped because suddenly we so badly want to run but our feet cannot reach the ground.

We are no angels because none would make it in this sinful town.

We move with hands over our floating eyes but there is nowhere to hide. A drunken brute who looks like a usual suspect bangs on the door of a girl from 8 mile. She has a secret to keep from him and he as well. His is the four drunken troops at his call; hers the good looking man down the hall. No doors can stop evil in this sinful city and soon there are seven dirty souls in the dirty apartment with one bathroom. The usual suspect gets to know his own piss and the wrath of a good-looking man’s hiss. When Mike Z speaks to me it broke an awful long silence you see.

“You’re in trouble."

I laugh at the bleak play on words and we both miss what the girl from 8 mile told the good-looking man. He floated down to the ground and it was more than our floating asses could stand.

“Hey Mike, what did that fine girl say?"

“I don’t know J but does it even matter today?"

We saw a burst of teal followed by a car in red. Then a loud siren and flashing red light burst upon the night. We float to where we always wanted to be: looking down at the prostitutes of Old Town and they were fine to me and Mike Z.

The teal and full red stay but the flashing red light just goes away. Five drunk troops coast next to a pretty lady with eyes of gray and blue. Her message to them is clear and to paraphrase she says...

“I will not do you."

We saw from our lofty height the whores massing within the dark night. The center is an old teal auto and it seems to me this was all orchestrated by a man named Tarantino. The sinful night becomes a battle to survive. The good looking man meets the lady who once knew a man in black and a pretty thing named Mijo uses swords for her a bloody attack. At one point there could be surrender but then me and Mike Z, for some odd reason, had a hungering for, of all things, a pez dispenser. None of it seems to be logical. There is an unusual power struggle when the usual suspect gets into a head full of trouble.

Suffice it to say, me and Mike Z did not have the nuts to play with these fine hookers and their rough way.

We floated away from Old Town. We wanted to get out of this sinful city. Although it was beautifully done, the gray pierced by rays of light, if we stayed any longer it would end in another fight. We missed the loose ends getting put right and all of Basin City was made resoundingly tight.

II

J on his Soapbox

Me and Mike Z could both agree that we loved every second of our disturbing trip into Basin City. Even the pretty hookers of Old Town, all of whom walked upon the black and white ground, could not make us frown.

Our smiles went from ear to ear and it might be the best movie of the year.

A thought, which is mine to be said, is of what little I do dread. It is the desensitization of our proud nation. We are able to walk into theaters watching movies full of vicious murders and applaud their greatness, for that is what I saw. And the thought sticks in my craw that R means R unlike red with its multitude of emotions for good or for raw. Adults can enjoy such a film as Frank Miller’s Sin City and if they have terrible dreams and thoughts it is fine for their minds to rot. But the kids who see such wonderfully adapted carnage do not have an adult’s knowledge. In this sense, I do not even believe those of seventeen should be left alone with they will see. I know try and tell a teen what to do is akin to trying to make a boot into a shoe but that is a result of their lack of any adult knowledge.

Hell, a kid of even eighteen has yet to set both feet in college. At nineteen, I for one would want to see such a violent film just to be the cool one and maybe have some fun. But it would have seeped into my mind when night took hold and there was no more sun. I would even say I was not mature enough at twenty-one.

So you can imagine my dismay when me and Mike Z made our way to the exit only to see a couple of wide eyes young boys deemed fit to stay for the duration of the gory filmed play.

It is desensitization running like a bullet train. I fear the day when the blood falls like rain and no one feels any pain.

Read J. Floyd King's online journal at:

http://jfloydking.diaryland.com/index.html

A Man and his Wristwatch: Paying the Mortgage in Hollywood

        I want to step into Steve Anderson territory here and review a couple of DVD's I saw recently. I love Steve's taste in movies and regret that these will be more mainstream than the cult classics Steve finds and writes about in The Entertainment Magazine.

        Movies come out so hot and heavy anymore that it is hard to keep up with them in the theater. It makes it nice to visit the local viseo store and actually rent something you have yet to see. I got a hold of two real good ones recently, Stranger Than Fiction and Hollywoodland, so I have something to write about. I hope you have time to read what ensues.

        Will Ferrell gave one of his best performances to date in the fantastic Stranger Than Fiction. He is the main character in the latest story from reclusive author Kay Eiffel (the great Emma Watson). Kay is having a hard time figuring out how she is going to kill Harold Crick because Kay always kills her main character's. Maggie Gyllenhaal plays a heartfelt bakery owner who falls for the IRS auditor that everyone hates. Queen Latifah gives another performance full of depth. She is one of the best supporting character actors working today who can also hold a film as well. Dustin Hoffman and Will Ferrell sink their teeth into a couple of very memorable scenes.

        Kay knew Harold's wristwatch felt neglected but could it actually kill him? Or something else entirely?

        Marc Forster superbly directed a wonderfully original script by Zach Helm. It was such a fun ride to watch Stranger Than Fiction where the plot was played out for you and the hook still surprised. It is a movie with heart where a man that is okay with his imminent death is the type of man we need in the world today.

        From a man and his wristwatch, we delve into what we have to do to pay the mortgage in Hollywood. Sometimes we take jobs that are beneath us. Sometimes we spend other people's money. Sometimes we get in over our heads because no matter what happens, we gotta pay the rent every month.

        Adrian Brody plays a tortured role as the private eye looking to find his big break. He lost his first wife (played by Molly Parker) looking for the big break. He pushed away his new girl, becomes estranged from his son and is trying to solve the most famous Hollywaood murder/suicide ever.

        Allen Coulter brings a gritty script from Paul Bernbaum to life. Ben Affleck loses himself into the role of George Reeves, TV's first Superman. He plays an actor lost in the 1950's Hollywood when studio executives like Mr. Mannix (Bob Hoskins) might be able to get away with murder.

        Was Reeves a lonely drunk surrounded by people that really did do what the LAPD claimed and shot himself at a party? Was it Mrs. Mannix's (Diane Lane) affair with the man of steel that leads to murder? What about an angry lover (Robin Tunney), in a heated moment, that committed a crime of passion?

        Hollywoodland wonderfully gives us these scenarios as Adrian Brody loses more of his morals to discover what happened to George Reeves. It is an ensemble piece where everyone has something to hide. And in Hollywood, secrets don't pay the mortgage.

A Special Simpsons Season Six Clip Show

        Here are the particulars as I see them: a trend-setting show has a trend-setting DVD case, four discs are held within Homer’s head (there’s room because he has a really small brain; see seasons 1-5) and the third episode on the first disc is another clip show.

       To tie all of the clips together there has to be a theme. This one has the most enigmatic of all: love. Who knows what the hell that stuff is. I say we throw it back and hope for something with a little more meat on it. I already got the chum on the hook.

       It starts with an old comedic staple: The Monty Python foot crushes the Simpson family into their old brown couch and further still into the greenish-bluish carpet. Remember when Eddie Murphy, in Bowfinger, feared that same foot squashing him into the plush furniture of his California mansion and deeper still into the marbleish-parqetish floor.

       I know I’m really making up words here but I am writing about a show made up of forty-six clips from different shows. Forty-six different shows are not represented because some of the clips are from the same show. My first idea was to just count all of the different clips. With this note next to the number six (representing the sixth clip I saw):

disturbing Smithers,

       I had yet another idea.

       The clip was of Mr. Burns flying through Smither’s open bedroom window. Yeah, I know, that’s disturbing. I made a note of it.

       The teen clips were mostly of Moe’s slew of prank calls. There was Al Gaholic, Hugh Jass, Amanda Huggingkiss, Homer Sexual, Bea O’Problem and Moe going off on his rear from a Treehouse of Horrors episode based on an Aldous Huxley short story about happy thoughts and having a good life.

       Most of the twenty-something clips are of Homer mmming. The last one is classic. He goes mmm-something. It ends with a kiss shared by Homer and Ned Flanders. I’m gonna make a note of that one too. It’s rather disturbing and all. Rounding out the twenties was Marge’s bowling affair with Jacque who lives at the Fiesta Terrace and is a fan of brunch.

       The thirtieth clip involves a naked chick riding a clam. That one’s borderline in itself but it also has a nude Lenny and Carl flying with angel’s wings next to the naked chick in the clam. Suddenly I feel I must make a note, it was possibly the angel’s wings that did it. In any case, I am disturbed.

       She was Mindy Simmons. She talked about going down and getting off in an elevator, harmless enough. A bell-hop, in showing Homer the king size bed in the room, made a litany of noises to signify some of what was mentioned in the prior sentence.

       Minus the elevator of course.

       Suddenly it’s not so harmless and it made it onto the pad.

       The notepad.

       No more Chernobyl.

       One clip not shown in a Special Simpsons Season Six clip Show involving Homer and Mindy’s adventures in Capitol City was the fortune cookie scene. Sure Homer did tell Mindy that the cookie told him he had to sleep with her, but the scene in the kitchen where the waiter said they were out of the happiness with a new love cookies and the boss said to start using the stick with your wife cookies did not make the cut.

       In the new story to tie everything together Homer told the family that Mindy hit the bottle pretty hard and lost her job. Still in the early thirties, we revisit Ralph Wiggum’s Valentine Day. Lisa gave him a multiply themed card involving trains and choo-choo-choosing someone or something. In walking his new girl-friend home, Ralph shares these witty thoughts:

       “So, do you like, stuff?”

       “The doctor said I wouldn’t have so many nose-bleeds if I just kept my finger out of there.”

       He even wrote a witty letter to announce a gift within a gift.

       “Look in the tunk.”

       Lisa deciphered the ill-conceived riddle and found tickets to a Krusty show she actually wanted to go to within the trunk of her Malibu Stacy Dream Corvette. Krusty is his usual unprepared self in saying he was at his favorite part of the show only to discover it was time to talk to the audience or, as he calls it, death. The Krusty show also spells doom for Ralph as his heart is broken in the most pin-pointed moment in cartoon history.

       The end was encroaching so Bart’s love got a small slot and punch line. It was when the girl next door ripped his heart out and kicked it into the garbage can in his treehouse. My only problem with that is her kicking the still-beating-heart-of-a-young-boy and my disdain for soccer. Bart builds the joke by starting with whimsy then there is the heart kicking and he tells his mom, who brought it up, this:

       “Thank for bringing up old wounds mom.”

       Sideshow Bob threatened to kill one of Marge’s sisters, I can never tell them apart, Grandpa Simpson goes after Marge’s mom (it takes him two attempts to find her) and Mr. Burns said something that must have made me laugh because I wrote it down (I didn‘t make a note of it though).

       “No need for the blown gasket Charley.”

       It was a send-up of The Graduate complete with a church sign that read please worship elsewhere and a school bus with a woman riding it in a wedding dress.

       Here’s something else I wrote:

       “A detached tale of modern alienation.”

       I wonder what the hell that means.

       Remember Artie Spiff’s busy hands and the town that would be let down by them? They’re in the clip show. Clip 40 was from the backseat of his car. The final ones are of the one love that has endured. It seems that Homer and Marge are the same people that they were seventeen years ago.

       Well, that’s not exactly true. They changed after that first year so it has been status quo for only sixteen of the seventeen years.

       I’ll make a note of it.

"Circles" J. Floyd King

"The Stigma" J. Floyd King

A V Part Article/Review

V

        Remember that old school science fiction mini-series called V? It doesn’t have anything to do with V for Vendetta, I was just curious if you remembered it. I do, it was cool. These lizard aliens started to infiltrate our society for their own gains.

        This seemed the best way to start an article/review that will touch on so many varied parts. I really did like that show though, that much so far is real.

        Oh, and V for Vendetta is F for Fantastic. I use the present tense because like The Matrix Trilogy and even the lesser known Bound, the Wachowski Brothers imvolve themselves with great movies that you want to buy and watch every so often to keep them fresh.

        And in the present tense.

for

        It’s one of those words. For can be fore in golf or four for a score. It can lead a forest or come in the middle of before. You can spread it out over a floor, an obscure foyer if you will or even…

        I forgot what else for could turn into. Forlorn from the start for this part. It leads a forbidden affair and forged disaster to two marriages too forevermore. Making two brothers foresee the screenplay they formed from an Alan Moore graphic novel of a government formatted to control by force instead of helming the chairs as the foremen.

        Or directors in the formal vernacular.

Vendetta

        In the opening of the movie, the masked V dispatched a couple of Finger Men then used a terrific V tongue twister to announce his intentions. Evey asked him who he was.

        After a whole who is to what as Neo is to the Creator of the Matrix monologue, V got the audience laughing with this little quip:

        “I find it funny that you ask a man in a mask who he is.”

        He is inspired by Guy Fawkes attempt at destroying England's Parliament in 1605. He wanted to make the fifth of November a day to remember. Vendetta was both his gift and curse. It made his beliefs bulletproof but his identity only a letter.

        Face hidden by the permanent grin of Guy Fawkes. Body hidden all in black except for one moment of sympathetic revulsion when horrid hands were not hid by dark gloves. Evey’s horror is easily dispelled by the voice behind the grinning mask.

        The terror V induces is easily dispelled because of his vendetta. His knives cut through the air and the foe with ruthless precision. The foe leaves more of a puddle than slicing the air. The musical score that accompanies the explosions he creates is brutal symmetry of a man whose heart wants to find love amidst all of the hate.

        Evey made V’s vendetta finally stop consuming him. Suddenly the world was this grand place. There was a deadline approaching but each day was enriched because of her.

        His heart even broke after he shaved her head and every time he systematically tortured her.

The Only Problem

        I had with V for Vendetta stemmed from what I liked most about it: the allusions to George Orwell’s 1984. It was one moment where a wonderfully symbolic Big Brother was made to be the typical sniveling authority figure that was my only problem. It is so easy to paint this cartoon character of a tyrant leader shaking his fist at crowds and screaming at his inner circle then, when it comes time to humanize the portrayal, it is done with weakness in the place of the cartoon fury.

        Step out of the mould.

        There was this Ron Howard movie called EdTV that I thought could have been a legend with one little tweak. When Ed comes to the realization that the network owns his life, he should have blown his brains out on network television. It would have been the definitive voice of what the networks are willing to run, what the people are willing to watch and how the two are closer than either side wants to admit.

        Instead it became just another good Ron Howard movie.

        It would have been a better culmination to the characterization of such an iconic symbol as Big Brother to see it die on his feet with head held high. Only unable to raise his fists at his captors because of bound hands.

        I love George Orwell’s 1950’s vision of 1984 and those allusions excited me throughout V for Vendetta. The taste of real butter when it has been so long denied is every bit sweet as reading from The Koran. Both are rigidly forbidden by a totalitarian regime that wants to keep its people bound at the hands and muted by a black bag over the head. Satire against those who lead is met with an equal and opposite reaction.

        Laughs to screams.

V

        With a retread heading I might as well regurgitate some of the thoughts from for.

        Larry Wachowski is currently going through a life change. It has harmed many aspects of his life and other’s lives too unfortunately.

        It hasn’t harmed his ability to be involved with a great movie and when you are writing the screenplay, you are heavily involved. It even showed through as one of Evey’s saviors was a classy man who loved men. While V was systematically torturing Evey, she read of a woman who loved women and faced the wrath for that love.

        Maybe in a complex movie like V for Vendetta a small message like acceptance can be lost. Acceptance has always been the hardest step. It has also always been one of the first steps in poetic symmetry.

All According to Plan

            Tim Burton showed a landscape of the afterlife in Beetlejuice, one of his first movies. He gave a hostile takeover by the Pumpkin King a whimsical malevolence in The Nightmare Before Christmas. All around those two movies he has shown us so many landscapes and so much whimsy that his movies should be a reason for celebration.

            I missed the opening few weeks of his latest effort Corpse Bride. I even plead with my wife to go and see A History of Violence instead. She just does not revere David Cronenberg nearly as much as I do. He was the one who did the remake if The Fly and Scanners.

            Corpse Bride went all according to plan it seems. Using an elaborate animation combined with a stop motion style all of the characters had fairy tale proportions. There was the permanent scowl of the father of the bride. His wife’s extraordinary height allowed her to judge all from her perch. The bad guy had a laugh to go with his evil plot and the good guy was Johnny Depp, as always true of heart. His dead bride was as stunning dead, in an exhumed corpse among the living kind of way, as his alive bride-to-be was attractive with her vitality.

            He even took it a step further. He gave the living world a drab shade of gray tone throughout the movie while the underworld was aglow with an array of brightened dim colors.

            As with all great fairy tales, this one was adapted from an old Russian one, the end is no surprise. The end of a fairy tale sometimes is the worst part of the story. It is the lesson learned by the good souls and the come-uppence for the bad ones. Well, the latter is usually a little fun. In Corpse Bride the bad guy, like most big chinned bad guys, gets done in by his own doing. In an odd twist, now that I think about it, the lesson learned by the groom is the joy of being alive.

            I shouldn’t talk about the end in a review but by talking about the end now there is a question as to what I will talk about next. For you see, I am not writing a fairy tale here. I, bereft of my own ideas, am piggy-backing off of a brilliant man to write what will hopefully be a review full of twists and turns.

            This is not the first time I have piggy-backed off of Tim Burton. In the review Nutty Marshmellowcream Scrumdidily-umptious I used his movie update of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory as filler for some of my other ramblings.

            It’s all according to plan. I seem to have forgotten what that plan is now but it will come back to me sooner or later.

            Speaking of Sooners, who else was happy that the Longhorns finally beat them?

            Here in Tucson we have the younger Stoops brother. We also have this powerhouse basketball program.

            I like basketball a lot but my favorite sport is baseball. I am missing the playoffs right now to write this...

            Thing.

            Wow, Tim Burton has such a vivid imagination that he wrecked my train of thought in my own review of his movie Corpse Bride. Even with the ability to go back and edit the above tangent I do not.

            I guess it was all according to my plan.

            I also wanted to promote some of my stuff now that I am off on a tangent. Pick up a copy of The Stigma at Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com.

            Also be on the look out for my second book, Circles through the aforementioned websites.

All Grown Up Wizard

So the final Harry Potter book is out and the fifth movie is out. Isn't this world too mired with ADD for a seven book series anymore? Doesn't Harry Potter look like a brain case as he gets older but he is supposed still be in his early teens? What is that twenty year old doing at Hogwarts? You might hear some of the younger wizards say.

There were punishments handed out in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix for telling lies then we hear a 17 year old talk about being 14 and there is no punishment other than having to sit through it. It could have been the direction this time around as the movie started with what looked like an obvious dream sequence that turned out to be a horribly lit reality.

I was literally done with the movie ten minutes in. It was when the three kids hooked up that I realized I did not care about any of them any longer. I hope no one takes this to heart, I don't want anyone to think I want them to stop liking Harry Potter. I don't care about teen-agers with a better career than me that are supposed to play kids.

And another little irony is that guy Valdemort. He's so evil that grown-ups are too scared to say his name yet he has been beatdown by Harry four times now. One time he was even a baby in his crib and he still knocked the crap out of the supposed Dark Lord.

How many guys do you know that could suffer a beating from a baby and still be respected? That JK Rowling has really created an out there reality. It also sucks because in the fifth one they say that Harry and Valdemort have to fight to the death.

There's a whole sixth movie to plod through before they can have their big fight to the death.

Will it really be any different? Harry has been kicking Valdemort's ass steadily for six books and five movies. Maybe Potter will finally get his as Valdemort finally acts like the Dark Lord.

Maybe he can hook-up with Darth Vadar and learn how to be a real dark lord.

Oh well, making movies is fun so they are probably looking forward to doing the next two. They could save us all a whole bunch of time and just have Harry fight Valdemort to the death.

750 pages is what I heard the seventh book is. Stephen King's seventh Dark Tower was great and it was about that long. I read all of those books. I haven't read any of the Potter books but my wife has read the first six and is tearing through the seventh one right now as we speak.

I am curious if JK Rowling is gonna write anything else. Can she break into a new genre or even re-create this genre and bring her enormus fan base with her? I think Ms. Rowling can do whatever she wants to do for as long as she wants to do it and some blinverted hack not liking her fifth movie won't even register.

An interview with Rory Scherer; Writer & Producer of Mystery At Mansfield Manor - an interactive murder mystery movie

        Rory Scherer had an idea. It might have come to him while working in his cubicle, where thoughts of the movie Office Space swam through his head. He might have remembered some of the first books he ever read, where Encyclopedia Brown was able to pick and choose the outcomes of his own adventures. The idea could have even struck him in a flash when he stared at two TPS reports while in his cubicle. One was a pre-dated, the other a post-dated, Y2K system analysis report.

        Write ten different stories for ten different characters who were all at a mansion where the patriarch was murdered, film all of it then put it online as a choose your own adventure murder mystery.

        A professor, a few years later when Rory was going for his MBA, found the idea very well thought out. Making the business plan for an interactive movie became a special assignment on the way to his degree. After attaining his MBA, Rory laughed all the way to the bank and took out a loan to make his business plan, Murder At Mansfield Manor, into his vision. A production company out of Toronto named Gearshift, with Jordon Barker consulting with Rory, was the vessel that turned the one hundred and fifty page screenplay into what is now online at www.MysteryAtMansfieldManor.com (has been since July) and he hopes to one day have it available on DVD, using the remote control to choose instead of the computer mouse.

        It was not as seamless as the aforementioned paragraph made it seem. Rory found Gearshift after many others passed on him. He stared at both business and student loan debts. There was always belief in his script though and that was what won out. Inspired by greats like Robert Rodriguez, who made the money for El Mariachi by being a guinea pig for a pharmaceutical company. It is in the book Rebel Without A Crew, a great book for aspiring filmmakers to read. Quentin Tarantino, whose Pulp Fiction will inspire minds for decades to come, was once a video store clerk. John Singleton maxed out his credit cards hoping Boyz N The Hood would be his vision of a brutal lifestyle lived everyday.

        On March 2, 2006, a very long Thursday, auditions for Mystery At Mansfield Manor took place. The callbacks to agents was that weekend. The following Thursday started a two day rehearsal schedule on March 9-10. And on the typical beginning of the work week Monday, production of Mystery At Mansfield Manor began. Four of the five work days were spent at the Manor. The fifth day, Friday March 17 (something also called St. Patrick’s Day), was at the police station.

        Officer O’Malley arrived on time but the one take rule that was in effect the first four days was not in effect on St Patrick’s Day. After a very quick shooting schedule, two black-out scenes filmed with the lights on because Rory was in a holding room preparing for other scenes (they were able to fix both in editing) and all of the little flaws that only the continuity person, who also was the only person who knew the whole story, and had been involved with everything since the day he stared at two asinine TPS reports, Rory almost cried.

        He didn’t and is very proud of what he accomplished. He has been invited to speak at college and universities about his business idea and movie. It is similar to An Evening with Kevin Smith (recommended by Kevin Smith himself when he filled in for Roger Ebert on Ebert and Roeper), where Rory is able to speak and answer questions. USA Today reviewed the online puzzle that can be pieced together from an array of different view points and gave it three and a half out of five stars.

        Rory, of course, was involved with post-production aspects like editing, sound, musical score (stockmusic.net sells scores for twenty dollars a song and Mansfield Manor sounded very good) and promotion. He hired Jams3media.com for Internet exposure. Everyone that contributed to his vision worked very hard and Rory seemed so thankful for every person involved. He even made a documentary of the making of the interactive movie. It was a far cry from the time when he entered writing contests that he questioned if they were even legitimate.

        www.MysteryAtMansfieldManor.com is 7.99 Canadian and 7.00 American and you get 96 hours of play/view time. It is like renting something at a video store, or even NetFlicks, except it is all on your PC. It can usually be solved in one or two tries. The actual length of time for the entire footage is two and a half a hours and it is neat to see the whole night through ten different view points.

        The interactive movie release, as opposed to the traditional movie release, can see a bell curve of interest. That could be important in a new wave of movie releases. In a traditional movie release, the first weekend is the big weekend and everything after that is merely icing on the cake. Interest for an Internet movie knows no such restraints and when a new fan hears of Mansfield Manor then there is new interest.

        Rory might continue the franchise with the detective, portrayed by Ben Trister, and do an interactive series akin to Columbo and Kojak. One day there might be both Internet and DVD access. It has been an uphill climb to this point and Rory would like to keep scaling the mountain because… “If you’re dad isn’t Aaron Spelling or Francis Ford Coppola then no one’s gonna listen.”

An Unexpected Christmas Present

        I received a unique Christmas present this year. It has to do with a combination of a surprisingly good James Bond movie and my own procrastination.

        So here I am, on Christmas, with something to write about. It's a Christmas Day Miracle!

        I have never been a big 007 guy. I remember watching parts of them over my younger years. I remember watching more of them when ABC was doing a Saturday Night James Bond Movie Night.

        It was a Saturday Miracle!

        I found the Bond movies boring and only a few would I call entertaining (Goldfinger, Goldeneye and Moonraker). It seemed it became more interesting who was playing Bond as opposed to the movies themselves. Everyone hated Timothy Dalton as much as they loved Sean Connery. Everyone liked Pierce Bronson as much as they liked Roger Moore and Peter Sellers played in the second Casino Royale plus some dude in one awhile back that might have been better than Dalton but I don't know his name off-hand.

        Ben Affleck wanted to be the next James Bond. The powers that be probably gave that a lot of thought then they went with Daniel Craig.

Well, I'll be blinverted, it's time to actually talk about the movie.

        It was an ambitious screenplay that wanted to show a younger Bond cutting his teeth. He's all adrenaline at the beginnign as he chases a bad guy up and down a construction site. Dame Judi Dench returns as M and does she ever let the brass 007 that he is on thin ice. Anymore mistakes and he could lose his newly given 00 status.

        James Bond getting a stern talking to is almost as incomprehensible as James Bond going out into the field minus hsi arsenal of spy gadgets.

        In Casino Royale, both of the above happened. James Bond also lost a big hand in poker and was slipped a mickey.

        It was like watching your neighbor try his hand at international espionage. It was really what the franchise needed, a prequel. The Bond name seemed on life support after Die Another Day because it was the last time Pierce would play James Bond. There was an urgency to not just plug in a Ben Affleck and throw out another Bond flick. There was this need to give the franchise some new momentum as well as new blood.

        It could be sacrilege to say this but I liked the new Bond movie and a big reason is because I like the new Bond. I am looking forward to the next installment of 007 franchise.

Another Double Feature

There are some big movies coming out soon. March has one of them with WatchMen. Earth comes out on Earth Day, which is in April and May is loaded with Terminator: Salvation and Star Trek. That's all well and good but what are we to do until then?

It's not like there aren't any movies out now so I went ahead and did another double feature. I checked out a couple of sequels one was funny on purpose, The Pink Panther 2 and the other was downright hilarious, Friday the 13th. I laughed out loud at the second Pink Panther. Somehow Clouseau was put in charge of a detective dream team. Steve Martin, Andy Garcia and Alfred Molina worked well together and every scene they shared brought chuckles at the ineptitude of Martin's Clouseau. They actually solved the crime right away but that was too easy so Clouseau mucked it all up.

The Pink Panther 2 sets up its jokes at every turn and they usually pay off when the punchline is spoken. John Cleese was thrown in as another bit of comic strategy that worked out. I saw the first Pink Panther on DVD and really liked it. I had expectations for this second one and the movie delivered.

It should be on TBS soon enough and this is a good movie for cable since there is no profanity or strong sexual overtones.

Clouseau might ogle the occasional blonde but he somehow makes it classy and by classy I mean inept. The whole thing leads to a laugh and that is the point of this movie.

Now for the second feature, although it was hilarious, I didn't laugh out loud nearly as much. The biggest thing about the Friday the 13th franchise is that no one can be that dumb and have made it through puberty. It's like a Darwin Awards Show with sex drugs and an R rating. You walk into the theater knowing this and you are never let down. Why does Jason keep killing people? Well, his mom was killed in the first one. She was killed because she killed a bunch of really dumb teens. She killed those really dumb teens because her son Jason drowned on their watch.

Or did he?

This is the twelfth Friday the 13th. I think it would be fun to list them all so here we go:

Friday the 13th (1980) This is the one where Jason's mom goes all bat shit and kills a bunch of teens

Friday the 13th part II (1981) Jason kills 'em all with a bag on his head

Friday the 13th part III (1982) Jason kills 'em all with the hockey mask on his deformed head

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) Jason gets killed and a movie legend is put back onto the shelf

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985) Well, he stayed dead for one year at least

Friday the 13th part VI: Jason Lives (1986) I never saw him die and stay dead long enough to proclaim he is alive

Friday the 13th part VII: The New Blood (1988) Jason is brouht back by a teen with psychic powers yet she didn't see this one coming

Friday the 13th part VIII: Jason Takes Manhatten (1989) It was akin to the Beatles first trip across the pond

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993) We've heard this one before

Jason X (2001) Jason was awakened on a spaceship in the 25th century and he was the same old Jason

Freddy Versus Jason (2003) This one seemed to kill off Freddy for good but it spawned Alien Versus Predator so we're all still breaking even

Friday the 13th (2009) Number 12 so who knows what will happen when Friday the 13th is finally 13

This new one was a remake of the first one, kind of. There was a new twist as Jason took a hostage, we were shown how Jason lived while battling with his mental illness that probably made him hear voices that wanted blood.

If you don't like Friday the 13th then you won't like this one as it is formulaic to the nth degree. If you do like hot chicks, creepy music, predictable camera angles and shots just generally buy into the cheesy universe that is Jason's world, then this one will be right up your alley.

The new one was different too as someone finally played a little hockey.

Black Friday to the End of the World

I did another double feature but didn't want to call this Another Double Feature 2 or something silly like that so I went with the color black and the doomsday we all dread. So now the title is explained and I can start talking about the movies I saw.

The first one was the light hearted and very funny Paul Blart Mall Cop. The plot was a far fetched heist on the busiest shopping day iof the year (Black Friday for those who get their Christmas shopping done early) but this was not a vehicle to tell a story. Mall Cop was made to watch Kevin James and he delivered. From the opening scene where he was the short, fat guy with a mustache chewing on gum at the try-out for the New Jersey police force where he passed out in front of the finish line to the time he saved the mall and the girl, the laughs kept coming. There was a scene where he bought hair extensions for crying in the bucket, the guy is a comedic genius.

If you are not a fan of Kevin James then this movie will do nothing for you and if you aren't a fan of Kevin James then what happened to you that made you want to stop laughing?

The next movie I saw was Knowing, another in the endless genre of end of the world movies that keep coming out while the world, well America for sure, is on hard times. Nic Cage seemed to be uninterested in the part but I came to the conclusion that he did that in order to play the part. These Hollywood stars have such a presence on screen that playing the role of an everyday Joe is a very hard role to pull off. His perceived lack of interest in the role was him actually acting his ass off to play the role.

Knowing has been showed in the previews quite a bit but the movie was full of surprises and it was one of the better end of the world movies if they wanted to depress you badly at the end of the movie. I think that is what the creators of the movie wanted and it was actually a great movie.

There are plenty of creepy parts, the numbers you might know about from the previews but the numbers do go a little deeper as the story unfolds and it is quite an effective scarefest.

When movies come out in March and April there is a feeling that something is wrong with them. Well, I saw two gems the other day and they will both look quite nice in my DVD collection because both Paul Blart Mall Cop and Knowing are the kind of movies you can watch a few times and still enjoy.

Blinverted

The First Surgery

I had an eye infection called iritis. My retina had been weakned by the beating and the infection pushed it past its threshold and it detached. The first doctor I saw immediately saw it was a serious problem that a specialist would need to see.

I discovered that I was very young to have such eye ailments. My youth was going to be an asset in the recovery. There was a real danger of losing the eye altogether though.

I moved back in with my parents. To break up the inflammation from the infection, I had to have a drop put into that eye every half-an-hour. My family was so amazing during this time as they maintained that schedule for a few days up until the surgery. There was no way the doctors could operate with the iritis raging as it was.

I remember being upbeat the day of the surgery. The doctors who were taking care of me were really neat guys. My mom told the Pastor of my looming surgery and he had called to pray with me and that meant so much to me.

The surgery was a success.

The problem I discovered was that the damage was far more extensive than I wanted to admit. I was happy thinking it was going to become all better, like it was before, and it turned out that I was the only one who thought that.

Everyone was simply wishing for me to get something back. I wanted it all back. It wasn't my fault that I got beat up so I should get my eye all the way back.

How could violence save my life if it took something from me?

Bowling 2006

Every seven years or so the first of January falls on a Sunday. Since the NFL has a monopoly upon that holy day, the college bowl season did not have its biggest day until January 2 this year.

The bowl season seems to be less and less important every year and not just to the fans. Anyone who saw Auburn give Wisconsin the Capitol One Bowl could see that Auburn was not very interested in the game. I could say the same for Virginia Tech but they pulled out their game against the inferior Louisville Cardinals after trailing for three quarters. Does anyone believe that any team, even LSU, is 37 points better than Miami? Well, if the Hurricanes don't show up then they were lucky to only lose by three dozen plus one. Northwestern allowed two onside kick returns for touchdowns (enjoy that last sentence because no one will ever wrtite that one again). And anyone who thought Oregon got snubbed from the BCS had to wonder why the Ducks looked so bored in their Holiday Bowl loss to Oklahoma.

And there it is, the BCS. The BCS is a compromise to keep the bowl system in place but still have a playoff. Right now the playoff is a one game championship between one versus two (this year it was right on the money but that has not always been the case: Nebraska/Miami and Oklahoma/LSU were both title games in name only). ABC has the contract for the BCS. When the current deal runs out why not expand the playoff to three bowl games involving four teams. The National Semifinals on one weekend followed by the Championship Game the next weekend. It works for college basketball, I mean, have you heard of the Final Four?

The four BCS games this bowl season were epic. The pinnacle was obviously 1 versus 2 (I made up for my shoddy NFL picks this year, at least in my own mind, by picking Texas over USC in the greatest college football half [the second] that I ever saw). I didn't agree with Pete Carroll's choice not to punt but if they get that yard then they win their third straight national championship and their thirty-fifth straight game. Penn State and Florida State played in a (mediocre) epic three overtime Orange Bowl game. The Sugar Bowl held little appeal to most because of the weak Big East but it turned out to be a good game as West Virginia held on against the Dawgs of Georgia. The Buckeyes kept hitting Notre Dame in the mouth and the Domers finally had to leave the Fiesta Bowl and go to see the dentist.

My pre-season pick for the 2007 national champ is the Ohio State Buckeyes. Of course I picked them this year too and I'll probably pick them in 2008 as well. They are my team and the 2002 national champs.

"Circles" J. Floyd King

"The Stigma" J. Floyd King

Can Denny Green Save His Job?

That is one of many questions I will ask and asnswer in this fourth quarter NFL report. It is also the easiest.

No.

The Cardinals have played good recently and for the first time since Jake Plummer took the Cardinals to the playoffs in 1997, we have to watch their home games on TV in Tucson. Being 90 miles south of Glendale, we get blacked out if the game wasn't sold out and were spared their unique way of stumbling upon defeat time and again. Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe, a college football team's home stadium, where the Cardinals played after they moved from St. Louis for over ten years, was almost never sold out. Well, maybe for ASU when Jake Plummer played there but I never really cared about the Scum Devils.

There I go making an easy question all long and convoluted. I think I even started talking about college football.

Are the Colts going to win the Super Bowl? Are the Chargers going to take Marty Schottenheimer (am I even close to sp. it right?) to his first Super Bowl? In the wild NFC, are the Bears for real? Are the Saints that much better than the Cowboys? What is the deal with the Panthers?

Going back to the AFC, the Patriots have won three out of five Super Bowls but even they can't win the Big One without a gamebreaking receiver to compliment their running attack led by Corey Dillon. Tom Brady is magic and Bill Belicheck could lead a group of girl scouts to record sales of those cookies (he'd eat the mints without a smile ever cracking his face) but come on, there's no way they could pull it off this season. The Jets might sneak into the playoffs but look for the Chiefs and the Bengals to make the playoffs as the Wild Cards. The Jaguars are too inconsistent in what seems to be an incresingly inconsistent league. The Titans are the best 7 loss team and rarely in the AFC do 7 loss teams make the playoffs. For good reason too, the Browns made it into the playoffs as a 6 seed with a 9-7 record a few years back. They went to Pittsburgh and broke my fucking heart by losing a game they should have won.

Whoah, that was a out there, er, blinverted.

I think it is, at least, because I still don't really know what it means.

The Colts will still win the Super Bowl. They have only played poorly in New England in the playoffs and, barring a complete collapse, they would only have to travel to San Diego for the championship game, which takes us 2 question to, where I wonder if Martyball will ever make it to the Super Bowl.

1986, a 12-4 Cleveland team loses in overtime in the AFC championship game at home.

1994, a 13-3 Kansas City team loses in the divisional round at home.

Those were his two best teams. He has coached four teams and has had only one losing season. He has been to the playoffs many times and lost in some really fascinating ways, always just short of the Super Bowl.

This generation's LT, as opposed to last generation's LT (who played on defense and wrought havoc in offensive backfields), has broken and will break into many a defensive backfield on his way to 30 touchdowns.

29 in 13 games, if you need him and he could be enough to push Martyball (playing not to lose with unimaginative and conservative play calling in big games) to its furthest reaches but I'm sticking with the Colts. I might have missed on Pittsburgh, Denver and Baltimore but the Colts will make me look somewhat credible.

The Bears are as real as Rex Grossman is. When he plays within the gameplan, using that running game with Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson, to create passing opportunities to get his team leads then they give that awesome defense and special teams opportunities to make even more plays.

The Saints played, in a statement game no less, as well as I have ever seen them play. The confidence Sean Payton gives his football team has been the key to their success all season. They are not that much better than the Cowboys but make no mistake, in that one game, the Cowboys were steamrolled unmercilessly. It could be an issue in January if the two meet again.

Hey, I made it through the whole article and didn't mention Tony Romo once.

D'oh!

The Panthers remind me a lot of the Steelers also of this year where two talented teams might miss the playoffs because of their own bad timing with turnovers, penalties and other mistakes at critical moments in games.

I really missed on my picks in the wild NFC. I picked the Cardinals first of all (ouch) plus the Packers, Panthers and Redskins instead of the Bears, Saints and Cowboys. Oh, and the Eagles were my Super Bowl pick.

D'oh!

Look for the Bears to face the Colts. Look for the Colts to run away late and win their first title and if they get a running game and some beef on the defensive line, they might win a few more.

So on you can see that, at least on Sunday, I have been watching some TV.

Category 48

        It started with escapism. Timing is everything also, so escapism was linked with the Fall TV season. Was it right to do so? I don't know. I am glad that I did so, however, because I was able to write a slew of Category's. There was hope drawn from hurt, realization drawn from redundancy, an insurgance drawn from inspiration and there was even a preview Category 47 somewhere within Blinverted. It is the kind of writing I like to do best: the continuation of the same thought. I like that type of writing best simply because one thought can splinter into so many; therefore, the possibility of a single thought being both right and wrong becomes alluring to a writer who wants to know what the hell is going on in his head.

        Wish me luck with that one, I might need it.

        We have come to the end. It is never too long anymore, these endings should truly be seen as prologues for what is to come as opposed to epilogues to what we have already seen. The end of the TV season has come yet the hurricane season begins on June 1. ABC will be premiering a show on June 12 and many a cable network no longer holds to the September to May TV schedule. That tired passage of time is for the kids and the kids never have control of the remote.

       Now for the namesake: my favorite night all season was Monday. There was the celebration of the last season of Monday Night Football on ABC then the best show on TV, 24, to finish off the February through May grind. On a couple of those Mondays there was 24 times two, or Category 48, as FOX gave us two big hours of Jack Bauer saving the world.

        FOX had some other great shows this season: Bones, House and of course The Simpsons was as clever as ever. ABC had some great shows too: Lost and Alias. There were two great shows that vanished: Commander in Chief and Injustice. NBC on Thursday nights had the best hour of comedy for the whole TV season with My Name is Earl (it finally grew on me, I mean, the list cannot be missed) and The Office where Steve Carrell is the ringleader of a circus that also can be called a job. The WB will bring Smallville and the UPN will bring Everybody Hates Chris to their looming merger as the last two channels strive to become the only last place channel.

        There is one cable network I want to mention. Comedy Central is loaded with great programming. They have the great satire with Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Chapelle's Show reruns. Plus they have great offensive comedies in South Park and the horribly talented Carlos Mencia with his f&^%$#d up Mind of Mencia. I don't care who you are, that Wetback Mountain with Slater from Saved by the Bell was funny.

        Git R' Done.

        The best is mentioned last here. Everyone is watching CBS. It's the most popular station in America today. There is not one show on their channel that I want to mention here in Category 48 but I do want to say good for you CBS.

        As for the rest of the season...
        No one wants to read me bitching so I will just say if you didn't read your name here, or I work it in after this point, then I am the one who is in the wrong because I am choosing to not watch your crap. Eva Longoria is rumored to be leaving a very disappointing ABC drama-comedy. I know she has much better people than me to give her advice, like Kim Catrell, but you should always dance with who brung you. You might feel it is beneath you to be a desperate housewife but no one is ever above just being plain old depserate.
        And looking for work.

        Still haven't seen The Sentinal but, again, it just might be me.

        The pull from Reality TV continues as more "scripted" shows are being previewed for next season. Finding a great show is hard so patience is one piece of advice I'd like to share to the brass of the major networks. Seinfeld took four years, and a spot after one of the Super Bowls, to get the foothold it needed. Now, it is the greatest TV show ever to be aired. The ideas are out there, it is time to let some of them develop.

"Circles" J. Floyd King

"The Stigma" J. Floyd King

Category 7

           With the names exhausted and the hurricane season possibly, finally, over, I wonder if escapism has returned to our lives yet.

           Well, if the fall season is a barometer, then we have even more to escape from.

           What a disappointing fall season it has been. I called Desperate Housewives the best show on TV in my fall preview. I really missed the boat there. The first season had them bound together by the mysterious suicide of one of their neighbors. That mystery was wrapped up and now they have become a bunch of one dimensional characters living on the same street. If I want to see crap like that I can go and talk to my neighbors myself and stop using that luscious eye candy as escapism.

          Surface is a noble effort by NBC to copy the formula of 24 and Lost but the kinks along that surface seem to have swallowed the show down. I tried to watch My Name is Earl because I think Jason Lee is great but that show’s gimmick is so limiting. A guy has a list, all of his friends know about the list and he goes about doing the things on the list. I wrote a list after watching the first few shows but my list never took off like Earl’s. I wish these writers could give us a little credit. We are not fans of one-trick ponies anymore. We want to have twenty different ponies each doing their one trick over and over again or we lose interest.

           ABC even fell victim to the formula trying to push Invasion down our throats. What they have really done is taken implausibility and spread it out over two hours. You start with the fantasy of Lost where so many little problems must be let go (for example: the guy in the hatch just left the island I guess and was that guy from Driveshaft that whiny as a hobbit?) that there is no energy left to ignore the gaping holes in Invasion.

           CBS is called the most popular channel but I just don’t see it. Excuse me, I just don’t watch it. They are going to re-invent the hurricane numbering system in their latest made-for-TV debacle Category 7. Maybe that one can wipe out the Invasion started by the last made-for-TV hurricane. Well, CBS does have football and I like to watch football.

           So there, I said something nice.

           I didn’t even mention how on CBS you actually do C BS and I am proud of myself for that.

           All I can really say for the WB and UPN is that Smallville on the WB is actually really good. In a biting irony, two of the best shows go against each other this year on Thursdays when there is so little on the other days of the week. Alias and Smallville keep the stations jumping but it all leads to essentially missing both shows. Another pile-up occurs on Tuesdays with House and Command in Chief.

           I have watched an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and I cried like a little girl so I’m good until the gap between Thanksgiving and Christmas with my under control reality TV addiction.

           I started on Sunday with ABC’s desperately boring housewives and will wrap it up there with the comedies on FOX. The Simpsons and The War at Home are both part of a good hour of primetime TV but the next hour has the disappointing Family Guy and the awful American Dad. All of that fuss was made about Family Guy getting cancelled then going to Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network to get good viewership then great DVD sales. It all led to its glorious return to primetime but in the whole process, they forgot to write any good new shows. I truly feel that Futurama was the show to be resurrected but unfortunately for FOX, I am not on their payroll.

            Now that I think about it, that’s kind of unfortunate for me too. Maybe I’ll send my resume to the FOX channel and solve this outrageous oversight.

           The fall season hasn’t been all bad, thankfully. Charmed, Bones, Monday Night Football and Night Stalker have also been diamonds of escapism mired among the rough, rough fall season.

           And one last thing. Hey FOX, before we begin working together, how about a frickin’ preview for 24 already.

            I just want to know that it’s on the way.

"Circles" J. Floyd King

"The Stigma" J. Floyd King

Category 96

        Imagine hearing this in a first-person-movie-trailer-voice-over-

        In Category 5, I was optimistic that the 2005 TV season could be pretty good.

        In Category 7, I had to go all blinverted, the part of blinverted I don't like so much, and admit that I was wrong: the 2005 TV season categorically sucked.

        In Category XL, I talked about Martin Luther King, Super Bowl XL and how the horrible 2005 TV season was now the terrible 2006 TV season.

        In Category 47, now hidden so deep within Blinverted that I don't think I could find it, I said there would be a Category 48. It seems Category 47 was a throwaway entry and let me tell you, I've written a few of those.

        In Category 48, I focused on 24 (24 times 2) and now it's personal because 24 is back and personally, I'm a big fan. And so now, without any further filling of space in an attempt to garner smiles, I bring you Cateogry 96...

        Crap, that was pretty good so now the rest of it has to be good too. I just can't win for losing and go ahead and turn off the voiceover voice in your head, I don't want to hang around too long.

        Minds are all gooey.

        So what the hell is wrong with TV? No, that's not going to fix the problem if I come out here and just tear into an already rotting carcass. House, My Name is Earl, The Office, The Simpsons and NFL football are all that is on to watch during the dismal 2006 that will get a huge bump in 2007 when the great 24 finally returns but will still have one night a week where I want to watch TV.

        I haven't seen the hit Ugly Betty but I hope it's good. I am lost on Lost where suburbs made it out to the island in season three. The ambiguity of the show wil never pay-off at this point. Animation Domination is Simpsons heavy and content light. Has anyone told Seth Mcfarland that he's getting two checks for the same show. He's got a donkey in Peter Griffin and a knock-off Peter Griffin (Stan Smith) in a donkey suit and FOX keeps putting them both on the air. Another thing I wonder about Seth, how do people praise his popular show? The sarcasm of both shows is two jokes a minute for twenty-two minutes so to praise the show would lead to being sarcastic in that praise.

        "Hi Seth, American Dad is a wicked knock-off of Family Guy?"

        You see how it's blinverted because, uh, what the hell does the above sentence mean?

        Hey, I just write the stuff then I categorically wash my hands of it there after.

        "Hey J., love the blog."

        Well, I do hear that, here in the entry. Not in real life where no one has said boo to me regarding this blog. Well, my friends do say nice things when I ask like they plan on going to read Blinverted someday and then I get back on topic...

        Cable programming is solid, especially Comedy Central, but I spend most of my time watching the Boomerang Channel. Being a Gen Xer, I spent many childhood Saturday mornings watching cartoons and I get that feeling everytime, now as an adult, when I watch Looney Tunes.

        Before I get to the point of whatever this has turned into, the early birds can enjoy the great Robin Roberts and Diane Sawyer on ABC's Good Morning America to prepare for their day.

        So FOX is going to unleash another season, number 6, of 24 on us. Why not? The first five are legendary, DVD fodder for households for years to come. Last season ended with retribution from the Chinese Jack pissed off in season 4. Who knew China would hold a grudge and the sudden reappearance of Jack Bauer from the dead would catch their attention? Uh, the writers the brilliant show. The style of the show, evidenced as being done right by now, gives the franchise choices after every season as to how they can continue the run.

        Season 6 times 4 is 24 and 24 times 4 is 96 and there's the point. The punchline if you will. As with most good jokes, the story was probably better than the punchline.

        Desperate Housewives, (sigh), that first season was so good. The actresses are so talented and beautiful, the writing sparkled and the show seemed to have promise. The actresses are still gorgeous, I know because I see them occasionally on Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien but I haven't watched the very popular show in a long time. And by no means am I an expert.*

        The NFL playoffs look to get into high gear with the divisional round. The Colts are returning to Baltimore to play a team the city of Baltimore got from Cleveland while the Patriots go to San Diego to play a team now coached by a guy who used to coach the old Browns and has broken my heart worse than the luscious desperate housewives ever could.

        The NFC is having their playoffs too and I say good for them:)(smiley face)

*see above and below, notice the crappy ending for sure:(frowney face)

"Circles" J. Floyd King

"The Stigma" J. Floyd King

Category XL

In this extra large review/article I want to touch on three bases. The current TV season, a couple of championship games and most importantly the life of a great man. In fact, although mentioned as essentially the third base, I want to talk about the great man first.

Born in Georgia on January 15, 1929 as Michael Luther King, Jr., until later changing his first name to Martin, this son of a preacher lived his first ten years during The Great Depression.

It seems many great men learned humility during those trying times.

Martin Luther attended segregated schools as a youth and graduated from Morehouse college in 1948. He spent three years studying theology at Crozer in Pennsylvania and received his doctorate from Boston University in 1955.

He became a leader of the people as a minister in Alabama and with his voice he changed the world. He made the world a better place. He is an inspiration to this day to those people who still see the world with such possibilities and potential. His voice was that of reason and it was loud enough to rise above all of the murmuring hatred surrounding it.

And that was, and is, the greatest gift he shared with the world he loved. He taught us all that hate must be whispered in a civilized state only when love is sung from the mountaintops. The world is still shifting from his great life and with each generation more of the hate is washed away. If hate does have one beautiful trait it is this: if you can open your heart to hate with true conviction then your heart will remain open and that can allow love to enter. It is the choice of every person and the world will always smile in the glow of love.

We celebrate, this Monday, the life a great man and in a dismal television season there is another reason for celebration. In a stunning duality, the non-violent beliefs of Martin Luther King and the viewer discretion is advised violence of 24 were just mentioned in one bridging paragraph.

The television started with such hope. I will go into next fall with optimisim as well because there is no way anything could be as bad as this season. I needed 24 to come back and the fact that the first two hours were great did not hurt one bit.

Now that there is something to look forward to every week I will also share you what else I look forward to watching: Commander in Chief, Bones, The Simpsons, King of the Hill reruns, Lost, Smallville and Desperate Housewives is lucky that 24 was only on one Sunday night. I do hope they bring back Desperate Housewives for a third season but they need to find the magic of the first season again in the writing because some of the episodes this season have been unwatchable.

And I have replaced my lone reality TV show. No more man-cries for me over Extreme Makeover as my wife got me watching Project Runway. I do feel weird watching though because there are a lot of men working on ladies clothing.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

If nothing else, every TV season will always have Seinfeld on in syndication so we got that half-hour taken care of. Throw in eight hours of sleep and over a third of the day is allotted for without any passing thought shooting through your head.

The Colts and Steelers played an epic game. Talking with Steeler fan over the week, I could sense their confident but realistic approach. They felt their team could beat the Colts but it would take both hard work and luck. One guy even said that they needed the stars to align.

Through everything that transpired, from the opening kick-off until Vanderjagt missed the potentially tying kick with seventeen seconds left, the Steelers won the game within the game. They beat the Colts up on both offense and defense, held onto the ball and had a few breaks go for them.

A few did go against them as well.

It’s called football and the reason why we watch is because we never know what we are going to see.

The remarkable part of the weekend of football were a couple of hustle plays. Ben Watson chasing down Champ Bailey up in Denver (how many guys have 100 yard returns that don’t end in touchdowns?) was so similar to Don Beebe chasing down Leon Lett that it made coaches around the world smile. Seeing the footage of Watson going full speed all the way down the field is a testament to what champions are made of and why the Patriots will always be remembered as a great team that won championships even in seasons like this one when they fall short of the ultimate prize.

Big Ben for Pittsburgh made the ugliest tackle to save a team’s season I have ever seen. Falling all over himself, grabbing for straws, he got a hold of part of Nick Harper’s leg and he just held on. I thought for a moment that maybe Harper was going to flip the ball to one of the three Colts around him but the moment was far too large for another turnover off of the gift turnover they just received.

Jerome Bettis has the football gods smiling on him. He will be a Hall of Famer and he received a Hall of Fame hit that caused the fumble that was almost his last carry in the NFL, assuming this is his last season.

I know that I am going on and on about the AFC but I am a Cleveland fan that had to live through over a dozen straight NFC Super Bowl victories. The tables have turned and now three of the four best teams in the NFL have AFC roots (Seattle was kicked out of the AFC West and into the NFC West when re-alignment occurred) and the American Football Conference Championship is the de facto Super Bowl.

That might be a bit much. Both the Seahawks and the Panthers will pose a tough opponent. I am to the point where I have rambled on long enough and it is time for a pick. My pre-season pick was the Detroit Lions versus the Cleveland Browns.

Ouch.

The Steelers are playing so well but funny things happen in Denver. The Panthers are also playing well and the Seahawks have a key injury. So I am going for a Carolina versus Denver Super Bowl and Carolina lost the most exciting Super Bowl I have ever seen so, and it makes me sick to say this, they might just win this extra large Super Bowl in an extra large epic of a game.

"Circles" J. Floyd King

"The Stigma" J. Floyd King

Category XLIII

In this category, i want to talk about the Cavs 23-1 home record, the Super Bowl and there was one more thing I was thinking about but I can't remember what it was now.

Wait, it was me.

I made upa word called blinverted and thanks to the Internet spawning search engines like Google, blinverted is a word that is used to take you to other websites. There's one with my dog drinking out of a sink, lots of articles, some movie reviews and a ton of sport stuff. There was also a link to Blackbook2 and a profile called blinverted. What made it real cool was that I didn't do that (I have enough fun at MySpace). I did create a Blackbook2 acoount and asked blinverted to be my friend but the request has not been accepted or declined as of yet. It is kinda cool that someone went to that trouble, I just hope they aren't a better writer than me.

The Cavs stormed out to a 23-0 home record but faced there biggest test today. The Lakers came into town with five road wins already under their belt (including a win in Boston). The Cavs had a nice halftime lead but saw the Lakers, led by an active Lamar Odom, storm back and take the lead going into the fourth quarter. The Cavs never eally threatened as the Lakers finished there road trip at 6-0.

The wins in Boston and Cleveland are probably better than the 61 points that Kobe scored in Madison Square Garden. The Lakers appear to be the team ot beat this post season whe they again might be without big man Andrew Bynum.

The Cavs have a big roadblock in the Celtics. The Magic might be in trouble with Jameer Nelson being injured. The battle for home court throughout the playoffs is up for grabs in the East and it is important for both Boston and Cleveland. The Lakers seem to be headed for the one seed out West. It looks like a Boston/LA NBA Finals could happen two years in a row.

The Cavs are going to be tough though.

Super Bowl XLIII was epic. The Steelers won the title with huge plays to end both halves. They showed true championship grit (as evidenced by their sixth title) while the Cardinals showed they were tough enough to make it very interesting.

Both teams played like champions and that has started a nice trend in sports that I hope continues. When the Phillies won the title over the Rays in October, it felt like both teams were champions. It could be that the Rays and the Cardinals have both been bad throughout their long, and short, histories. To talk about me again, I was involved in a junior high championship game as a coach. The kids played there for the love of the game and at the end of that title game, both teams felt like champions. It is the effort that all three events shared. The teams in the junior high title game as well as those who make a living trying to make it those big games, should be applauded for their effort and if you give a championship effort then it is okay to feel like a champion.

I know there can only be one winner and we all play to get to that point. The journey cannot be discounted even if the end result is a few points, or runs, short.

Category XXXXI

What a great football game we saw last night in Indianapolis. Peyton Manning was surrounded by his demons and the monkey was squarely on his back when Ben Watson got a first down near the Colts 20 from another great Tom Brady pass.

The score was 21-3 and the Pats were looking to really pour it on. A yellow flag saved the day for the Colts. Troy Brown threw a block in his route and that is why Watson was so open. The first down was washed away, the Pats eventually punted and the Colts scored the next 18 points to tie their bitter rival in the middle of the third quarter.

A great kick return by Ellis Hobbs, who was all over the field on defense, gave the Patriots a chance to take the lead again and they did at 28-21. The Patriots are champions (on the field during the game)(off the field and sometimes on the field after the game they seem like jerks). They kept the lead and made the Colts have to tie them until there was only a minute left in the game.

In the end it wasn't a poetic 50 yarder from Adam Vinatieri that won it (thank goodness for him because who knows what Belichek would do to him) rather a rookie running back named Joseph Addai, who has never lost to the Patriots, that went right down the middle of a worn out defense.

The turning point was not the flag, even though I pimped it hard up there, but when the Colts cut the Patriots lead to 8 points. Peyton Manning put his head down, he powered through the demons, he dragged that monkey on his back and he led his team to their first touchdown.

It wasn't as dramatic as the John Elway dive against Green Bay but any time the field general, who usually dictates the attack from behind the line of scrimmage, goes into enemy territory, there just isn't anyone on the team that won't be 100% ready to follow. And that play led the team for the rest of the game. The Colts followed Manning into the end zone to make it 21-13 and Peyton Manning led the Colts to the Super Bowl.

Other than a special teams hiccup, the Colts dominated the AFC Championship from 5 minutes left in the second quarter until the end of the game.

Oh, and the Bears waxed the Saints. I can't wait for Super Bowl XXXXI (the Romans got it all wrong)(XLI? eXtra Large I can see but give me 4 X's and I'll show you a very dirty movie)(or a very big T-shirt).

I want to give the Bears much respect because I didn't go out of my way to show respect to Florida and I think they just scored another touchdown on that porous defense on the team they played whom I hope you have forgotten by now.

Try to remember this category though.

"Circles" J. Floyd King

"The Stigma" J. Floyd King

Championship Sunday

Championship Sunday is here. This is like Super Bowl Sunday without the added hype. Unfortunately, this is often times the last Sunday of competitive football in most seasons as the Super Bowl becomes a super blowout.

Remember those epic Cleveland/Denver AFC title games in '86, '87 (probably not). Well, they were great games, heartbreaking losses put another way as a Cleveland fan, only to see Denver get waxed by the Giants and then Washington in the Super Bowls.

Denver blew out Atlanta over a decade later after Atlanta beat Minnesota in a great NFC title game.

It can go the other way too. The Rams beat the Buccaneers in a horrible NFC title game as the Titans beat the Jags in a blowout AFC title game but Rams/Titans Relocation Super Bowl could have been the most exciting ever because it ended on the one yard line with the world title on the line.

Then you get the New York Giants who blew out the Vikings in 2000 then got demolished by the Ravens. They would have been the first team to ever be shutout in the Super Bowl if not for a kickoff returned for their only score.

The only other Super Bolw that came that close to a shutout was in 1972 when the Dolphins finished their perfect 17-0 season by only allowing a blocked field goal return for a touchdown by the NFC champion Washington team.

You'd think the guys on that Dolphin team would make a bigger deal out of that 17-0 season. Especially if they are as myopic as Dolphin fan.

The Bears were in a Super Bowl 21 years ago and they beat the Patriots so badly that a refrigerator even scored. This is the second title game hosted in Chicago since then. The 49ers, led by Joe Montana, beat them 28-3 en route to one of their 5 Lombardi Trophies. The Saints come into Soldier Field with an offense that reminds me of those great 49er offenses of yore (but they're getting good again with Frank Gore) and the great Bear defense has one more chance to show the NFL they are still great. The Bears defense, since losing Tommy Harris on the D-line, has been vulnerable to the running game and it has led to big passing numbers for the opposing QB's. Drew Brees is nothing if not accurate so with a steady running game at his disposal, there could be many sustained New Orleans offensive drives.

The key will be Rex Grossman. He needs to give his defense a lead with his own sustained drives that end in touchdowns and not field goals.

The AFC Championship Game is right where it belongs, in the second slot. This is the headlining game that we all wanted. The two game regular season winning streak by the Colts is long gone as the Patriots again are on the doorstep of a Super Bowl.

No one's gonna answer their knock today though. Peyton Manning is going to come out like a gunslinger. He is going to pick apart the Patriots slowly, painfully with underneath passes. He will slowly, painfully drive the Colts up and down the field. If they get field goals then the Patriots will stay close. If they get touchdowns then their running game will salt away the second half as the Colts stampede to Super Bowl XLI.

The worries are early turnovers and the Patriots establishing their running game. If the Patriots can keep Peyton off of the field then they will keep the game close. The Colts need to keep Brady off of the field this time around since that is how the Patriots have beat the Colts the last two times in the playoffs.

The best Super Bowl would the the Colts versus the Saints as the team with the ball last will probably be the one who wins a great shootout. Having said that, I think the Bears will find a way and keep the Super Bowl close until the Colts pull away late.

Children of Men

        London, England, 2027. The youngest person in the world has just died by the hands of a mob of people who saw him as a celebrity. In a world where no one can have babies, all you have to do to be special is be young. The strain on those living in the world where women no longer create life is palpable in every gritty scene shot by Emmanuel Ludezki. The adaptation of the novle by P.D. James was taken on by a group of screenwriters including the director, Alfonso Cuaron.

        Clive Owen was superb as a man without hope drifting through a dying world. The governments of the world might have caused the infertility pandemic so they beared the cross of fixing it. The world became run by fear-driven governments. There were still pockets of freedom but they had to be found through hard work. Micheal Caine lived an illegal and happy life, whereas Julianne Moore was a leader of rebellion, but both found the strong arm of the law to be their demise.

        A world slowly rotting as its children grow into adulthood and cannot bear their own children. Life in the city means constant ID checks and intimidation by the police as well as fear of the terrorists who claim they are only trying to save the world. It is enough to make your ears ring and all the while, there is absolutely nothing that makes you want to smile.

        Children of Men is a brilliant movie. It is a draining experience because it is a glimpse to where we might be headed. It isn't all roses though and I will tell you why. When The Wocheski Brothers produced V for Vendetta, they were speaking out against the American government using England as the setting. They are American filmmakers and it worked because they, as Americans, can use England to tell an American story. Alfonso Cuaron is not an American but he used the same tactics. He set a gruesome story about America in England but he is not an American. I wish more American filmmakers would make movies like Cuaron because it was a masterpiece. I also wish Cuaron would have set the story in America. I have this bitter taste in my mouth because a foriegn filmmaker judged the George Bush America in an English setting.

        There are many Americans that do not like the George Bush America. There are many who believe the true extent of his horrible leadership will consume the next president's agenda for at least two years of their four year term. I don't need Alfonso Cuaron to tell me that George Bush is a bad president but if he wants to do that, he has all the right in the world to do so. He just has to hear someone like me call him a pussy because he didn't set a biting commentary on American in America.

        I guess Children of Men could have been about England and I could be all wrong. It wouldn't be the first time but I just can't recall Tony Blair running around this beautiful world to search for weapons that were never there while English youths are losing their lives.

Clearance Puppy and Me

That was Marley's first name. Marley came from the legendary Bob Marley, who was singing on the radio when John Grogan was bringing home this cute golden lab. Marley was almost named Bob but gave a timely head nod when John called him Marley.

I think Marley and Me is a better name for a book than Clearance Puppy and Me. Maybe that was why Marley and Me was a best selling novel. Of course, it might just be that it was a good book as well. It was good enough to inspire a really good movie as well.

In all honesty (I am using that phrase a lot today)(have I been so dishonest at all other times?), I didn't want to see this movie on Christmas with my wife. She had read the book and shared with me the fun of Marley's life and the sadness that came in the six chapters at the end when the decline of the loveable dog was written. We have a nine year old dog and watching a movie about a great dog's life could end with me in tears.

One critic even it called it the New Yeller. It makes you wonder if Old Yeller would have been so sad if they hadn't owned a tree.

I guess they would have tied the poor dog to something else.

It is just that most dog movies don't end so well for the dog. 'Let's go see Benjamin Button,' I said. My wife said we could go and see seperate movies on Christmas but I am too smart to fall for that one. I further plead my case. Turner and Hooch wasn't so good for Hooch. The dog in I Am Legend didn't make it to the end. The dog in To Kill A Mockingbird was gunned down. The dog in K-9 lived but was shot and then we had to suffer through a K-9 sequel. My wife brought up the Air Bud franchise and the Beethoven franchise and I got the last two words of the argument as I always do:

'Yes dear.' And we were off to see Marley and Me.

It is a great movie. Marley is the star as they used over twenty dogs in this starring role and each one was cuter than the last one. It was a great story too as the characters around Marley were well developed and you do care about them as a family unit while they are dealing with a dog that eats big, poops big and does everything big.

It really did not have to go all the way to the end though. There was a scene when Marley was limping up a set of stairs. After that point, the tears began to flow. I heard so many sniffles in the audience. I heard those laughs that come when people are crying. All that needed to be done was to end the movie twenty minutes earlier. they could have done that movie trick where in the last scenes they write captions about the main characters. They could have said that John Grogan ended up becoming an actor named Owen Wilson (that would have floored me). They could have said that the kids are all in school or college now. They could have said that Marley lived to be twelve or thirteen and that he was called the worst dog in the world but that it wasn't true. It didn't lessen the movie by doing it but it also didn't add anything to it either. And after we see the dog get put to sleep they showed him as a puppy again in the end credits.

Talk about salt in an open wound.

So if you do go to see Marley and Me, once he limps up the steps feel free to leave. You can go and sneak into the Benjamin Button movie, go look at the puppies or if you really want to, you can go home and cry. I guess if you want to cry, you can watch the end of the movie.

Coach Stoops

The Arizona Wildcat football program has been the little brother of the basketball program for over two decades. It might even be longer than that. Coach Stoops knew the challenges when he took the job at the U of A would be far more than just getting the Wildcats to the Rose Bowl. He had to re-invent a program that was not even the most popular program on campus.

He is doing a good job. The fans in Tucson had a winner when Dick Tomey was in Tucson. He played field position and defense and won game 14-10. The fans liked winning but wanted to win like Florida State did in the 90's, with immense talent at every position.

Tomey took his Wildcat team into Penn State almost ten years ago and was dismantled by the Big Ten power. The Wildcats struggled to make a bowl game that year and we have not been to the post season since.

A glimmer of hope surfaced last season when the team won a few games that it was not supposed to. The team finished 6-6 but there was excitement for the upcoming season.

Well, we are here and we are again scraching our heads. What is wrong with the team? Not enough talent, bad luck, bad coaching, etc.

The problem is a lack of continuity. Coach Stoops is on the edge of the coaching abyss here in Tucson and I for one qwant to say, emphatically, we need to keep the coach.

Coach Stoops wants to build something here in Tucson. He has stuck it out for four seasons with what has been a snake-bit program. He has made mistakes, the team has had lapses and they have yet to play in a bowl game this century. If anyone thinks that firing the coach will fix the problems then they don't understand how a program is built.

I'm not giving Stoops a free pass. If we still play like this in two more years then there would be enough to fire him. As of now, though, we have a winner as our leader. Winners will eventually bring everybody up to their level. Coach Stoops can turn this football program around and he will if given time to build a football tradition here in Tucson.

Dark Mummy Knight Thunder Stigma

You're probably wondering why the above title is worse than usual. I'd like to tell you but it is a long and convoluted story so let me get started.

I saw the new Mummy movie and knew right away that there was not enough there for a review by itself. My wife and I got there late and had to sit up front and from that vantage point, it was by far the loudest Mummy I have seen to date. It's like I went to see Mummy 3 (4 if you count the Scorpion King as the first Mummy 3) and came home from a rock concert.

The thing about the Mummy movies with Brandon Fraser is that are all as enjoyable as they are predictable. I mean, honestly, what is going to happen? Jet Li's mummy survives the battle abnd enslaves the world? That'd be a great popcorn movie. Why not just hook the losers up to batteries and use that to power the next wave of mummies (or the fourth Matrix).

I liked the latest Mummy and I guess I can recommend it. You will laugh, you will like the effects, you will even see some big foot type creatures kicking butt but (I just wrote but twice)(thrice) you will never once be surprised.

You see what I mean, that would have been my shortest review yet. If they watched the movie, they would have heard Robert Downey, Jr.'s character, who was playing an Austrailian who was playing a black man, said the mistake with Simple Jack was that Stiller went all the way retard. You see, as dumb as Forrest Gump was, he was still good at ping-pong as to not be totally handicapped. Dustin Hoffman was good with numbers in Rain Man and both of those guys got Oscars. Sean Penn went all the way, like Simple Jack, in I Am Sam and there was no Oscar. Oh, and Jack Black had a jelly bean problem. And by jelly bean I mean heroin. And by problem I mean he was tied to a tree. And by Jack Black I mean hilarious consequences.

The guy from Hamlet 2 played the limey director and there was a huge surprise from him to the actors before there was a huge surprise for him himself.

With, you guessed it, hilarious consequences.

So I am two-thirds of the way there. [this picks up right where the blog ended]

Dewey waited for him to finish. James did then stood there.

“Have a seat man.”

James sat on the other end of the couch. He loaded himself another bowl and handed it to Dewey, who put his hand up.

“It’s all you, you gotta get caught up.”

James pulled it back and tore it up. Dewey, who now looked baked, started talking then in a familiar tone even though he had just met James.

“I have been doing my movies since I was a teenager. At first it was just writing, writing, writing because that is all I could afford to do. I grew up as an observer on the Hollywood scene and it always pissed me off that movies like Gone in Sixty Seconds and Frank’s Foot Odor got made.”

“I loved Gone in Sixty Seconds.”

“James please, if you do choose to interrupt, at least make it productive. I was always pissed because I felt like the crap that I wrote was much better than most of the crap I was seeing. You could get pretty bitter in that scenario. I finally got the break I needed when my uncle won a lottery in Pennsylvania or Ohio or some redneck state.”

“Maybe West Virginia?”

“Very productive James. He sent me two hundred grand to ’make your movies’ as he always called them. He gave me the money because he thought I would fail. Can you believe that?”

Double Feature

The Da Vinci Code

        I was skeptical of this movie. I had read the book. I enjoyed half of it very much, all of the stuff to do with the Holy Grail and Jesus as a husband was very interesting. The other half, the stuff in the modern day with Robert Langdon, was boring to read.

        Even with Ron Howard and Tom Hanks added into the mix, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that the movie would be a long pointless mess.

        Well, that is why pencils have erasers.

        The history of the story did lose some of its luster in the adaptation. It was reduced to bullet plot points as Tom Hanks and some French actress ran around Paris evading the police. Later in the film, they were even in the Teacher’s crosshairs.

        And there was this really masochistic, religious albino wreaking havoc in the name of the Lord.

        With the improvement made to the modern story, something that was inevitable with the great Tom Hanks playing Robert Langdon, it is safe to say that the movie is better than the book. If any fans of the movie want to find out more about the Holy Grail, I do recommend the book (or even the book that Dan Brown used for his information that almost got him sued; that one would be better since there was no boring modern day story).

        The end of the book tacked on as did the end of the movie so some warts cannot be glossed over with stylish cinematography.

X-Men: The Last Stand

        The hardest thing in cinema is to, once you get there, just do a trilogy. The first two X-Men movies were a steady building process to get us to The Last Stand. The plot was updated in a few early flashbacks but that was for those that made The Last Stand there first X-Men movie.

        So it seemed that the latest X-Men could have been the end of a truly unique trilogy. The battle between humans and mutants was a theme of the comic book but the movie had taken it in a new way with the invention of a cure. A popcorn movie like The Last Stand suddenly had a moral dilemma, do mutants need to be cured?

        Then the bodies started piling up, another trilogy trick.

        Cyclops was lost without his love, Jean Gray. He heard her calling him and he was the first to see the rise of the Phoenix (and I’m not talking about another 100 degree day in the capitol city of Arizona). Mystique had an even worse fate bestowed upon her: she was cured and Magneto no longer needed her.

        A fate worse than death. Of course, watch out for a woman scorned.

        They say you can’t go back home but Jean Gray tried. Professor X and his sometimes colleague Magneto visited her twice at that home. The second time, they saw the full fury of the Phoenix.

        Professor X tried to help Jean by locking her sub-conscious from her conscious thoughts. It was her sub-conscious that held her immense mutant power. After being drowned in the second installment, those borders had been abolished and Jean was a threat to every person in the world as the Phoenix.

        Even Professor X was not safe from his prized student anymore.

        Magneto moved the Golden Gate Bridge for the climax at Alcatraz. Juggernaut was the momentum that could not be stopped. The Beast was an eloquent statesman respected for his intelligence. The kids were all grown up, most stayed in school but a few joined Magneto’s group of mutants looking to start the final battle.

        Storm took on a role of leadership and Wolverine was in the middle of the last stand.

        It was an awesome movie. With the plot so meticulously orchestrated and the characters all so well defined over the first two movies, the third one was a showcase for the effects and the acting.

        It was all wrapped up, it seemed. A true trilogy where the first movie’s themes were strengthened by the second film and the third was the culmination of the first two.

        In a quick last shot, however, it seems what could have been an X-Men trilogy is left open for number four. All of that planning, all of those accomplishments, all of that wiped out by a single flick of a finger.

        And the tremble of a metallic king.

An Unexpected Trilogy

        I am the kind of guy that puts his money in his pocket (never been a money in the wallet guy). If I spend a bunch of time griping about a trilogy, you better believe I’m gonna give you one.

        It might not be good.

        It might not be bad.

        But it will be there.

        To tie this double feature up, I want to talk about my amazing movie month of May. I saw four movies with the double feature coming on Memorial Day Weekend.

        It seems a great way to remember our veterans is to live a free life like we do, especially on a three day weekend. It is what they fight, and have fought for, and that is to allow us the freedom to choose what to do with our days.

        So, let me break down all four in a nice, easy way.

        M:i:III was great but it was full of all of those silly spy movie tricks that we have seen since James Bond sipped his first shaken Martini.

        Poseidon was great but it was a rare gem in this day and age because it was a little too short.

        The Da Vinci Code was great but a little too long.

        X-Men: The Last Stand was great.

Everyone Knows Who Superman Is

        I feel quite privileged. Superman Returns came out in June of 2006. I missed the opening and saw the flick on the fourth of July. In doing that, I was able to hear all of the commentary, most of it leaning toward social, that changed my idea of what I was going to write about this privilege I have been given.

        The movie was great. It was Superman. They paid homage to Richard Donner’s vision starring the late, great Christopher Reeves. Bryan Singer battled everyday with updating the iconic character while still staying true to the iconic character. Brandon Routh made Clark Kent the mild mannered reporter who could become super in a short elevator ride. James Marsden was again with a hot chick who wanted some other dude.

        The movie was long because the filmmaking crew wanted to put their stamp onto Superman. They made him a father and it was the lone flaw in the story. Brodie (played by Jason Lee) from Mall Rats gave a lot of thought to Superman’s reproductive potential. He figured no Earth woman could take him on since he would, you know, like a shotgun.

        What’s he gonna do? Take it easy on her? He’s Superman.

        Brodie thought the only way Superman could make it with an Earth chick would be to wear a kryptonite condom. There was one problem with that scenario that Brodie eloquently stated.

        “That would kill him.”

        Everyone knows who Superman is so when the new movie came out it became a lot more. The guy that is faster than a speeding bullet, upon further review, has a God complex. I guess he should fly with his arms always at his side. One sportstalk guy was making fun of people who said Superman was a latter day Jesus. He summarized what Superman told Lois up in the clouds. Imagine a really holy voice speaking from a ten thousand foot pulpit.

        “I hear the cries of thousands of people. They all cry out for a savior.”

        Speaking of Lois in the clouds, I want to borrow something else from the sportstalk guy whose name I don’t remember, she never once looked at Superman and wheezed…

        “Superman, I’m having a real hard time breathing up here.”

        Superman was called a gay icon too.

        It’s crazy.

        One theory, I heard on sportstalk, was the gay community wanted to stick it to the fans of Superman by claiming our hero was hiding a big secret.

        Pretty hardcore for a movie, eh?

        Then there’s Chuck Booms. This rude, conservative sportstalk guy is many of the names that he calls his callers that dare to have an opinion. I saw the movie and in simply doing that, Chuck Booms now hates me.

        Why would a man on a national radio show, on the fourth of July, be so fighting mad at a movie? Why would he call for a boycott of the movie? Well, the writers, Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris, never wrote the old staple in its entirety into the movie.

        “Truth, justice and the American way.”

        It went a little different and the American way was omitted. The writers excuse was lame. They said it was offensive to other countries, at least that is what Chuck said. He called them communists and wished they and their families all died horrible deaths. He even described his vision of the horrible deaths.

        Chuck Booms is all about painting a picture.

        The movie’s script used footage shot back in the original of Marlon Brando as Superman’s father. When Chuck started calling people idiots and talking about burning cars, I realized the word’s spoken by Superman’s father spoke of him as a gift to all of humanity.

        There was a montage of Superman saving people all around the world. Not one person said: "Who the hell is the guy in the cape?" in their native tongue with the funny question written in subtitles. Michael and Dan don’t hate America, they’re selling to a global audience.

        Fox Sports Radio fired Chuck Booms once. I heard him back then and he sounds the same now. He blessed a guy he interviewed ten minutes after wishing death upon living people.

        Everyone knows who Superman is and a movie came out in summer 2006 that rekindled his legend.

Five to One

            You know, I’m really no good at this review and critiquing thing. I go to movies I want to see then I enjoy seeing them. None of it is all that shocking. I guess I could tell you about this:

            I went to get the tickets for Batman Begins on Friday for a Saturday matinee show. I looked at the tickets I purchased and saw they were for Friday and not Saturday. I had to trade them back in for the proper day’s show. If I had gone to see the movie without my wife she would have gotten violent with me. Can I see a show of hands from the gentlemen? Who else is afraid of their wife’s violent temper?

            That was the only glitch I incurred on my way to seeing a great movie.

            It is going to be hard to not compare the fifth Batman movie to the first four. Since I am no good at this review thing, I can do that right now without qualms.

            The first two were directed by Tim Burton. The city was dark, the people in the city were dark and the hero was dark. The first one set records for box office return but there was a certain level of disappointment involved with it. It was not quite the movie people expected. I thought it was a great film with my only conflict coming at the end with the fight between Batman and Joker. Jack Nicholson was so good in the movie that I was torn about who I was pulling for to prevail. Everyone knew Batman would win but there was a part of me that would not have minded if Joker reigned as the heavyweight champ.

            Batman Returns was my favorite of the first four. Michael Keaton fell into rhythm in his duel roles as Bruce Wayne and the Dark Knight. His banter with Cat Woman, although it did spawn a forgettable Halle Barry vehicle years later, was extraordinary. Christopher Walken was superb, as always, in guiding his disfigured protege Penguin toward political heights well beyond his tiny stature. Filming for this one was a nightmare. Tim Burton wanted their breath to be seen throughout the film, which called for freezing temperatures. The Penguin’s lair was a tiny set always filled with the crew trying to get the right shot. I am not sure why Tim Burton was not asked back for the next two installments but we are all suffering because of it.

            Joel Schumacher got the reins and he was cracking them as if he was in a San Francisco bathhouse. Val Kilmer became the new Batman. The bad guys for Batman Forever were over the top in a far different way than Jack Nicholson was over the top. Coming off of the momentum from the first two, I let a lot of stuff slide and walked out of the movie with enjoyment in my heart. I liked the Robin back-story. I wondered why there were so many shots of Batman’s butt. I thought I saw nipples on the Batsuit but like I said, I thought Batman Forever was good.

            Well, I saw Batman and Robin in a theater in Georgia. It was during a very bad time in my life when I had been duped into traveling to Georgia in order to sell books for some easy money. I was not very good at selling books so I spent a lot of time in the theaters. I saw Speed 2 that summer, for example, and was shocked at how bad it was. Well, to get back on task, after seeing Batman and Robin in all of its campy, television show knock-off glory, I had an epiphany. I realized not only was Batman and Robin a horrible, horrible movie but also I saw the truth that Batman Forever sucked as well. You know how thin that line between sucks and great is. George Clooney took the role as Batman and as great an actor as he is, he was not good as Batman. It could have been the script. It probably was the script. Of course, a sarcastic Batman/Bruce Wayne was not a great choice for two characters with darkness in their souls. The whole thing to save Alfred was so cheesy I was pulling for the old butler to have buttled his last bowl of cold soup. Sly Stallone was upset he did not get the role of Mr. Freeze, he even fired his agent. He got off lucky. The guy that did play Mr. Freeze used that momentum to land a governor’s job that no one else wanted. The most amazing part of Batman and Robin was how Joel Schumacher was able to make Uma Therman look unattractive. That takes real skill.

            That is the best I can say for Batman Begins, it washes out the bad taste from the last two movies. I hope in the re-invention of the franchise they can find some continuity. Gotham looked like a real city under the direction of Christopher Nolan. Christian Bale showed the fragility lurking within Bruce Wayne, which turns into the rage he uses to be Batman. A familiar calling card was left at the end so the future is bright.

            Well, as bright as it can be a dark city like Gotham.

Growing Up Wizard

           I have yet to read a single page from any of the Harry Potter books. I am strictly a fan because of the movies. I thought the latest installment, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, was a lot of things that I will get into. Regrettably, to put the bad news at the front, it was my least favorite of the series.

           The charm of the first two was that they were more movie friendly. The books were smaller, there was not such an edge to them so reading them was not an issue. The third one started the big book adaptations. With so many things left out, the need to read the book suddenly became an important issue. It seems the choice of the franchise is to cater to the core fans and let the fans like me hope to latch onto someone who has read the books.

           I’m lucky, my wife has read all six books.

           Visually the movie evolved upon the imagery of the first three coming into a new realm of visual spectacle. Boats arising from the depths of the sea, carriages pulled by flying horses, the blue flame of the goblet and even a few dragons. Nothing that was put upon the screen disappointed so that would take us to what we heard.

           Alas, I have spotted a hogwart.

           The script was the most ambitious of the four. It actually broke from the letter of the book to have a typical Hollywood ending where everything was explained in case we were not paying attention, or got lost, during the movie. The script called for the young actors to show a range of emotions that were not necessary for the first three movies.

           There are two ways to view the performance of Daniel Radcliffe. One, he was playing the role as it was written and seemed lost throughout the movie on purpose. Or two, he was just lost throughout the movie.

           Poor kid, there's always The Order of the Phoenix. Of course, I did hear that Harry gets really whiny in that book.

           Only Emma Watson looked comfortable throughout the movie. She seems to be the one with the most potential to enjoy a post-Potter career of possible award winning performances.

           This was my toughest review and it has to do with the human element. I was really looking forward to seeing this movie. I thought that The Prisoner of Azkaban, was the first stage of the franchise going into a spectacular direction but The Goblet of Fire was more about a gimmick (the Tri-Wizard Tournament) then about the noble trio learning the ways of wizardry.

           The reappearance of Voldemort seemed a fine climax but when nothing came of it, an old hidden-black-arts-teacher-in-a-box filled in as the addendum ending.

           From this point forward, I have worries about the movie adaptations. With all to pick and choose from within the books, what will be on the screen might be only a puzzle the readers will be able to piece together. Enjoying the Harry Potter movies will always be easy but understanding why you enjoy them might not be so easy any longer.

Guardian Devils by Rebecca McEldowney

The American Heritage College Dictionary defines irreverent as critical of what is generally accepted or respected. The word satirical appears after a semi-colon. That is the second definition, the first definition simply says lacking reverence.

So Rebecca McEldowney wrote a divinely irreverent novel about a misguided, but loveable, devil named Ferdy who has been hanging out in the Spitting Gargoyle of Notre Dame for a few hundred years. He made a fragile friendship with the old caretaker of Notre Dame and life was not divine nor irreverent, rather a mite irrelevant.

Then Ferdy's boss showed up, shattered his only friendship and sent him packing to Florida to meet Monica Lapparo. You see the hook of Guardian Devils is that everything is reversed. As opposed to a mere human attaining sainthood, Ferdy's boss wants the possible saint, in the form of menopausal Bishop Monica Lapparo, to be stopped on her path to sainthood.

It was a cushy assignment but Ferdy was still apprehensive about it. Life was good for hundreds of years on the roof of Notre Dame and now he has to cross the pond in order to prevent a woman from becoming a saint in, of all of the states in our union, Florida.

His old friend at Notre Dame was quiet and lonely. Monica was loud and had a bunch of friends. Ferdy had a dossier on Monica that he had to reference often as more and more people kept showing up in her life. There is her socialite friend Palma, her writer friend Adelaide, Adelaide's husband Joe and a man from the streets named Gus. Monica is a saint in this realm as she took Gus in and would even help to wash his oozing body, mindful not to rip off the ulcer on his shin.

He warned her not to do it one morning then the blood began to flow and Gus was upset with her. Then they both realized that Monica was bleeding, out of her palms, because of the stigmata.

I guess strange stuff like that happens in Florida all of the time.

So now you know the premise and the characters. What you can have no idea about is the way Rebecca McEldowney was able to weave a divine story of heaven, hell and topiary cats into an enjoyable romp from the beige walls of hell to the lap of the Creator and pretty much everything in between.

The greatest satirist I have ever read is Kurt Vonnegut. He would meticulously create a plot line with the important characters in the first thirty pages and the rest of the story was a celebration of what can happen when a satirist is free to drop joke after joke and punch line after punch line. I kept thinking, while reading Guardian Devils, how talented the author is to be able to interweave such immense ideas and thoughts with such ease. There were also risks taken in the story, like having the protagonist Monica a victim of one of the meanest characters I have ever read (this chick was so evil that she worked in a church, I mean, she hated her husband for dying before her) and making a devil a sympathetic figure.

Guardian Devils by Rebecca McEldowney was such a joy to read that there was a mite of sadness when I arrived at the end. I could have read about Del and Joe as well as Palma and Gus for another hundred pages easily.

And if she ever wants to do Guardian Devils 2: Monica and Ferdy Got Married and God was the Minister, I would love to read it.

Guardian Devils is available through Amazon.com and published by Windstorm Creative. Rebecca McEldowney is also the author of Manual for Normal and Soul of Flesh, all of her wonderful books are available through her website: www.rebeccamceldowney.com

I Finally Saw Another Movie

        And it was all right. They made a choice midway through the movie that didn't really push the story in my humble view. It was a very clever movie though, which you would expect from something that Jerry Seinfeld is involved with. Yeah, Bee Movie was an innovative looking package with the same old cartoon as its present.

        They chose to make the bees talk, which is fine. I have bought talking donkeys, bears, bugs, trees and I even bought a talking Keanu Reeves in The Matrix trilogy so you better believe I can buy talking bees. There was this throwaway rule in the hive even to not talk to humans.

A POSSIBLE PLOT POINT MAY OR MAY NOT BE REVEALED IN THE NEXT SENTENCE AND/OR PARAGRAPH

        Nice teaser. Well, that sentence was fine, let's see what happens in the next one. Little did I know it was a plot point. Jerry the Bee wanted to thank Renee the Being for saving him from Putty. Yeah, it was a real goofy Seinfeld episode seeing how they had to fire Kramer for his, uh, remarks caught on a cell phone. That and Jerry, for some reason, was a bee. They wound up in court, the whole lot of them (I think even Ferris Bueller was there) and Art Vandaley was the judge.

        I really had every reason to love this movie too. I went with some friends and we got there early so the theater was empty. We spread out and yelled derogitory things to one another. We ran up and down the stairs. We had a lookout at the door in case we were making too much noise.

        And boy did we try. We wore ourselves out maybe, my one buddy fell asleep (passed-out?) for some of the pivotal apartment and hive scenes.

        One of my favorite movie experiences was when I went to see The Ice Harvest but I already wrote about that one. I also had a really good time when I saw 13 Ghosts, a horrible movie with the sexy but horrible actress Shannon Elizabeth. My friend and I were the only ones in the theater so we spread out and shouted derogatory things to each other and the movie. I think, looking back as I have to now since it is one of my memories, we all deserved the ridicule.

        Bee Movie, in an empty theater with a bunch of liquored up dudes, could have been so much more fun I realize, now. Oh well, say la vee.

        La vee.

If You Cut Off My Head...

        The first part of that classic Will Ferrell quote was blasphemous so I chose not to write it. Blasphemy or not, however, Will Ferrell was funny again in Blades of Glory. To call it a good movie has to do with that very premise. If you are not a Will Ferrell fan then Blades of Glory would be torture for eighty minutes.

        Even the haters would have to laugh at some of the stuff. Like when Chazz stuffed a plate full of food into his mouth behind the coach's back. He ran back to the treadmill and continued "working out."

        Jon Heder had a weird delivery style for his jokes. I kind of thought they weren't jokes the first time I watched it. I watched a little bit of Napoleon Dynamite and saw that as Napoleon Heder gave his punchlines a little more punch. I guess if he could of talked to Chazz like he did to that llama I would have at least known he was making a joke.

        The rest of the cast, led by Craig T. Nelson as the coach, was fine. When Nelson watched the filmed fight between Chazz and Jimmy on the news was the smartest comedy. Jimmy's stalker, that annoying funny guy from Reno 911 and David Spade's show, was a bit much. He did get a funny line amidst the creepiness but he got an end credit cameo that was not worth waiting for unless you really like dolls.

        Nick Swardson was the guy I called annoyng but he's actually done a lot more shit than I have done so I will give him his props. He tried to make that freaky weirdo Hector cool and it worked. That's a little bit much...

        It looked like he was having a good time.

        You see, that's the problem with a movie like Blades of Glory is that there isn't much to talk about other than how funny Will Ferrell is.

        I can rank my favortie Will Ferrell movies! That will eat up some space. The best movie he has ever been in was Dick by Andrew Fleming. It was a spoof of Watergate that was both stupid and intelligent, which made it hilaruous. His best performance to date was in Stranger Than Fiction where he was almost whimsical in his portrayal of Harold Crick.

        Damn, it is a Google world. I just checked on Will Ferrell and the guy has over forty credits to his name. His funniest movie was Anchorman with Talladega Nights second. Old School is another great one and Bewitched was a ton of fun as well for us as fans. He got to kiss Nicole Kidman so that worked out for him too.

        Elf was the best of his not so great ones like Kicking and Screaming and A Night At The Roxbury that still made you laugh. Shoot, I could put in one of his Saturday Night Live DVD's and laugh until my sides hurt.

        His greatest attribute in making me laugh is that he is so tall. It is great for his physical schtick and I love physical comedy.

        Of the movies in which he is a supporting star and the title is not a part of the male body (or a shorter name for Richard), Zoolander is the best with the Austin Powers close behind. There was also Superstar, Starsky and Hutch and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back where he lent a comedic hand with hilarious conseqences.

        There isn't much to Blades of Glory other than a good time to be had. If you are not a fan of Will Ferrelt hen it won;t appeal to you. I wonder what Napoleon Dynamite fans will think of Jon Heder. I thought he was funnier in Napoleon but I didn't laugh at him either time.

        So I guess that means I laughed with him.

        Will Ferrell looked so big in his tight skater suits and there was literally a lotus move that would decapitate unlucky partners in pair skaters. That move, if you can believe it, has a lot to do with the title of this review/entry.

        I was on Queeludes when I wrote this so I might not remember it later.

        Denis Leary said it best:

        "You big fucking Q."

        Wait, that was about Nyquil. Maybe George Carlin said something funy about fuckin' ludes, man.

        Nope, It was Denis Leary.

        Fucking ludes, man.

        That would have been a good title, minus the swear word. I could have done it like this:

        F*^#!&' Ludes M%n

        I chose to censor the man too, I guess.

Insert Ultra Witty Title Here

        Yeah, you know Blinverted. Sorry about the title thing.

        It seemed with the ease Spider-Man 3 was inserted into the franchise that I would come up with a great title to show that and that turned out not to be the case.

        Not in the least.

        It all starts with the script and the writing for the third installment was superb. Sam Raimi (he wore many hats during production)(producing and directing as well) and Alvin Sargent wrote a massive in scope story involving numerous characters and it flowed nicely.

        Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst were both amazing as they struggled through a relationship where they no longer truly communicated. And Mary Jane knows that Peter Parker is Spier-Man. James Franco was able to give Harry such depth from the rage to the boyish result of the accident and back to what enraged him at the beginning. And Harry knows that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. The addition of Thomas Haden Church and Topher Grace were both good calls. And both Sandman and Venom know that Peter Prker is Spider-Man.

        Does Spider-Man even have a secret identity anymore?

        On the set of Jen X we always joked about the actors being camera whores and there's Tobey, itching to get that mask off whenever possible so you can see his face. I think camera whore is pretty self-explanatory in that a camera shows only so much and a whore has sex for money. Wait, that is kind of not what I meant when I possibly spelled self-explanatory wrong (possibly twice).

        One thing that always excited me about the Spider-Man movie series was the Goblin character. Willem Dafoe was amazing in the first one and has been a presence ever since. Harry slowly findig the secret through the second one (and finding out who Peter Parker really is)(an average photographer). As soon as Harry walked into that back room at the end of part one, I was hooked for that storyline because I saw such growth in it. The second one was such a great bridge as Harry grew into the role of businessman and lost himself like his father did. He took the leap in the third one and fought his enemy Spider-Man. The storyline was played out superbly is all I will say about the rest.

        There was a Doc Ock sighting supposedly. And Doc Ock knows that Peter Parker is Spider-Man.

        I was kind of making this up as I went but I think I found a theme amidst the drivel of me trying to show homage to a great movie I saw a few weeks ago but couldn't think of a title for so I inseerted one just like the Spider-Man franchise inserted another great movie into its series. I got a little turned around back there. Oh yeah, the theme is the question I asked. I somehow answered it earlier by talking about cameras and sex for money but that wasn't the real theme. With, basically, everyone knowing who Peter Parker is, wait a tick...

        That puts, basically, everyone that Peter Parker knows in peril at all times, which would make for a great screenplay. The great screenplay for Spider-Man 3 was translated very well. The first two were translared very well. Why can't they do it a fourth time?

        I would like to follow writing about other people's great writing by writing my own two pounds worth worth of-

        Sorry about that, I had to go and pick-up something stinky for my wife's garden. My favorite thing to hear about movies like Spider-Man is that they are too far fetched. They go with the obvious examples like the Sandman and say that's not possible. I always like to bring up the first one when The Goblin blew out the wall of Aunt Mae's house. At her age, wouldn't her heart, in reality, basically explode? And if not then how about in number two when she was falling all over that skyscraper while Doc and Spidey went at it like a couple of Mike Vick's dogs.

        Whoops, that one slipped. I think everyone has probably already seen Spider-Man 3 and I saw why. I think it was Tony the Tiger who coined the phrase...

        It's great.

Iron Man

Why do I like movies so much?

I have always looked for an escape from reality for a few hours. The violence of the world seems to occur unchecked so in movies it is nice that the bad guys get what is coming most of the time. Sometimes, I root for the bad guys to win because I am a complex movie fan. Seeing an old Harrison Ford kicking ass and taking names really didn't do anything for me. I kept thinking that his hands would have been shattered by the third act but he kept on beating up Commies.

But I already went off on that so let me move onto Iron Man.

Robert Downey, Jr. is a real character in his personal life. With the amount of media exposure he has received, it is hard to forget all of those stories when you go to see him in a movie. He is a brilliant actor, though, as he takes you away from reality for a few hours with his performance as Tony Stark.

You forget the demons he has in his real life as you see the demons within his character on the big screen. He is a wealthy arms dealer that was made to face the ramifications of his wealth when captured by those who use his weapons to destroy. Stark tried to sell the fact that he just made the weapons. He tried to sell the fact that the best weapon is the one you never have to use. He tried to sell that to himself first and foremost. It worked for most of his life.

Then he was captured by the enemy that uses his weapons to terrorize the world. He saw that his wealth came from destruction and he could no longer sell his lies to himself. Stark is brilliant and was able to escape from his captivity. He wanted to stop making weapons when he was safe again but that was not as easy as escaping from militants.

Not even close.

He made many people very wealthy with his weapons sales and that would be a huge hurdle to jump in trying to make the world a better and safer place.

This is what I look for in a movie: internal conflict. The demons that Stark fought led to a very concise story as he was awakened to the problems he caused throughout the world in the chase for the almighty dollar. All of the amazing effects enhanced the simple story of a man wanting to make changes.

I didn't even talk about how he survived, how he escaped, the suit and having his heart run on a car battery.

Why do we like movies so much?

Because they all have the possibility of being as good as Iron Man.

It Just Got Easier To Be A Pimp

        Roger Ebert was on The Daily Show trying to scare Jon Stewart about the volume of people who would be watching. Turned out this was one of the lower rated Oscars to date. It wasn’t Jon Stewart’s fault, he killed. Literally, they’re still pulling out the bodies. If only he did, right? That could’ve gotten old golden boy the time slot over Bad Boys II.

        I shouldn’t be that sarcastic, I mean, the Oscars probably did out-draw that over-blown Will Smith and Martin Lawrence vehicle. It’s just that Jon Stewart really gets me going. He takes the news and makes it fun, hence the earlier dead body joke that still might be too much but at least now you know it’s genesis.

        Speaking of Genesis… The Bible, what a fucking book, huh? I haven’t really read it but on numbers alone it must be a great read.

        The above paragraphs are the eventual punch line to an unasked joke about how do you tie Roger Ebert, Jon Stewart, homicide, Bad Boys II, Will Smith, Martin Lawrence and The Bible together?

        And there is the prologue, the red carpet walk if you will, to this article about the 2006 Oscars hosted by Craig Kilborn. Wait, he was replaced by Jon Stewart. The celebration of the year’s best movies and performances is witnessed on television. It’s a paradox I know, kinda like the last name Kilborn, but no one seems to be thrown off by it.

        Except for me. I have this celebration of movie’s and performances in movies on TV in the TV section with no intention of changing it since I saw it on TV. I will eventually put the article into my J. Floyd King on Film section where it can be an article about movies seen on TV under a Film heading as opposed to a TV heading as it is now. You know, that's all pretty personal and might not make a lot of sense to you so forget about it. Sorry I didn't warn you earlier.

        I guess I could start with the academies’ love of rap music. Who knew that Eminem and 36 Mafia would get Oscars before Smashing Pumpkins and The Who? With the help of such an influential group, it just got easier to be a pimp.

        It was fantastic to see Philip Seymour Hoffman at a loss for words. He has been such a wonderful actor for over a decade now. It has been almost ten years since he gave Twister what little heart that it did have as the full of life tornado chaser. He was the energetic assistant in The Big Lebowski, the kind hearted nurse in Magnolia, the uncool rock critic in Almost Famous and as an eccentric writer he gives his best performance to date in Capote.

        I haven’t seen Capote but I hear it’s great. Don’t get me wrong, I want to see it. Just like Walk the Line with Academy Award winner Reese Witherspoon. She is the quintessential starlet of this era now. She has both the adoration of critics and the overwhelming acceptance of audiences. Anyone who saw her as Tracy Flick in the film Election could see that the range she possesses is immense.

        In a year when no blockbusters were nominated for best picture, the ratings were down as is the case when people don’t care. King Kong could have helped, it was great. Remember the spiders?

        I am surprised that Crash won for best picture. It’s messages are above sarcasm and that is hard for most in this world. We like to joke about our problems instead of fix them so when a movie points that out, suddenly the truth has become this bold new take on cinema.

        It is one of those little life funny moments though when you finish watching a movie like Crash and you wonder for a moment or two why movies like that don’t get nominated for anything. When it started to get all of this attention toward the end of the year, like being on both Ebert and Roeper’s top ten lists, I was pleasantly surprised. One of my favorite articles is a review of Crash when I finally saw it on DVD.

        I think this will be a prelude to many years of Terrance Howard as a bright star. His two movies, Crash and Hustle and Flow, were well received and decorated over the course of the solid movie year of 2005. I couldn’t help but think of Robin Williams when they were reading the name for best actor/actress and so on down the line. He told James Lipton on the Bravo channel’s Inside the Actors Studio that when your name isn’t called you feel lower than dirt but have to still act happy for the other guy. Terrance Howard might have traveled that internal journey this year but one day he will be like Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting and grow a beard.

        Hmm… I don’t really know where to go from there. Dammit! As quick as it started, it just got hard to be a pimp again.

Jay Leno in the Old Pueblo

        Jay Leno has seen it all in his career. From the struggles in his youth to the pinnacle of replacing an icon like Johnny Carson, he has been through it all. So when he came to Tucson to raise money for a local school district he probably expected to be treated like a king.

        Well, Jay was actually fifteen miles south of Tucson where the Desert Diamond Casino is located and he was not treated very well at all. Being the immense professional he is, he still put on a great show.

        The palatial auditorium at the Desert Diamond Casino lulled most of us into a false sense of security. The false sense of security that stems from the thought: with this much money, things should go smooth. Seating went flush to the wall on both sides of the stage and the speakers only faced forward but it didn't seem an issue. No one was doing any sound checks but, hey, who needs 'em? It was when Bobby from the local 94.9 morning show came out that suddenly the sound was an issue. And let me tell you, all of the stars in the crowd voiced their opinion. Bobby introduced the esteemed Jay Leno and the crowd was about to see a legend perform. Some of those could only see the icon and they told Jay Leno that they couldn't hear him.

        Jay worked the sound problem into his show for a minute or two, asking the Desert Diamond staff if there was a sound guy around. He finally had to take a break. A couple of speakers were placed on the side of the stage facing the sides where the big speakers were not facing. The rest of the show was a combination of brilliance on the stage in spite of a horrible production around him and a terrible crowd in front of him. One man was even booed for telling Jay Leno, a living legend, to put the microphone to his mouth.

        I had to enjoy Jay Leno while people shouted for him to speak up. The crowd is in control of their own actions and should behave better, of course, but the Desert Diamond Casino was not at one time in control or organized enough to put on the show. They should speak to the Tucson Community Center staff because when Metallica came to town in 2004 the production value of their show was equivalent to the talent of the band. I remember leaving the Metallica show being so proud of my city. I left the 7:30 show on November 4, at the Desert Diamond, proud to have seen Jay Leno live after all of those monologues I have seen on the TV screen.

Jon Proudstar: A Dude Among Dudes

"Dude vision rocks."

One of the many great lines from the ultra quotable Dude Vision, a day in the life of a dude from the mind of writer/director Jon Proudstar. His twenty-four minute tale tackles some of the big issues dudes face like sneaking away from cuddle time, showing support on mall trips that last forever and there was even a tip on how not to answer loaded questions.

Dude Vision is an award winning film short that can be seen through the website of its cinematagropher, Constantine "Gus" Kyriakakis at gusadelic.com; look for the Dude Vision link and download the movie that will make all dudes long for the small moments of peace after a five year relationship.

Jon Proudstar wrote a script that holds true through the Saturday journey of a guy cursed to screw-up. From trying to get out of bed undetected to having the nerve to stare at his girl-friend as she cleans the house in a hot outfit, it could be seen as a bad day except for the timeless quality the script was able to attain. The problems with his imgaination and short attention span will not go away when Saturday becomes Sunday. If he really is lucky then those problems will not get any worse.

A trip to the nightclub could spell certain disaster, especially when a threesome question already has a dude in the doghouse, but it is all about what you do when temptation comes to your door. The dude I watched might not have been a hero but he knew enpugh to stick with a good thing.

When staring at the world through dude goggles, the good stuff might seem a few years late. Of course, there is always good stuff rignt in front of you, too, it's just a matter taking time to play the X-box and fighting off other Jedi's with a lightsaber.

It's the only thing a dude can do, it seems.

Just Another Box by James Arnett

        A box is being moved in a van through Tucson during monsoon season. What is in the box could be called dead weight with a touch of rigormortis. Stuff happens in Tucson during monsoon season and it's more than just a few rain clouds ruining your picnic. Bring in a guy looking for a job, a no name management type and some amazing effects, like James Arnett and Gabi Andres did, and Just Another Box, a wonderful movie short, is created.

        James is in the family business, his father was an animator who ran his own studio. Animation was safer because no one could torpedo your project. With that background giving him confidence, James found a new love in motion picture as AIA Productions grew into a new era of filmmaking.

        The cast of Tucson actors was wonderful. Santiago Craig is a new star waiting for the world to catch up with him as he became the no name (well, no one really knew his name to be fair) manager who sent (Raul) Julio Garcia on the errand; the taking a dead body from Tucson to LA in just another box errand. It was in flight when the movie became escapism in its basic form for the plane flew, tumbled and narrowly avoided crashing all without ever leaving the ground. James is a wizard with effects as many will soon see when his current project arrives and let me tell you, it is something to be excited for.

        The buzz kill on movie shorts is, as an entertained audience, we want to know what happens next. Some shorts are prologues to bigger ideas and I hoped that Just Another Box was the same way. Having the privilege of watching it with the creative team that made it and hearing Gabi say that Just Another Box was finished was such a thrill. When you hear someone tell you they have showed you their vision then you should think about what you saw again, maybe even got to Jamesarnett.com and watch it again, and cherish the fact that a man taking a box in a plane entertained you.

Just Get Us To Wednesday

The eleventh of September in 2001 was a Tuesday. It echoed over the country for many days:

It was a Tuesday.

The twenty-ninth of August in 2005 was a Monday. Hurricane Katrina hit land on that day. Rolling over the gulf with ferocious winds. Pelting the land with vicious rain.

New York is still under repair. A hole exists in our lives where two mighty towers once stood. With a few years of healing underway within my own soul I try to not think of the ugliness.

The hate.

I don't do it because I am special. I don't do it because it helps me cope. I do it because hate is what makes things like 9/11 possible. Hate inspired a plan and spawned a leader of a wretched and vile movement. I do it because there were so many heroes on that day. The types of heroes that paid for their heroism.

Some paid dearly for their heroism.

Life is so different now. No better and no worse. Just different. I don't know if the type of heroism displayed on 9/11 was common before my time but for myself, I only knew of such heroism from movies. It was uplifting to see a hero give his life for the plight of others. It was make believe though. It was an actor or actress playing a heroic role.

On the day that so many heroes were born only to live a short life, the rest of us didn't know how to act. I remember driving to a mall that was always open. It was closed. I didn't want to see a movie. I didn't want to do any shopping. I didn't want to go to the food court. I just wanted to get away from the news. I could feel hate swelling within me and the worst thing was that I didn't know who to hate.

Hurricane Katrina is an act of the elements colliding to create perfect destruction. It is a mindless evil interested in only its own survival. The devastation wrought has been surreal. A once flourishing city underwater. A once thriving region shredded.

We watched it coming. A satellite on our roof gathered a scrambled image from a satellite in space and transmitted it to our sad eyes. My wife and I left for work just as Katrina was attacking the land with winds over a hundred miles an hour. We were thankful for so many reasons and sad for so many others.

A soon as the storm passed the sun shone brightly. The devastation forced everyone's head down. When Mother Nature is the catalyst of destruction, people are just left to shake their heads. People are left though and with that there is hope.

I tell you what though, this new millennium is really getting me down. Monday and Tuesday are both full of bad memories and they make me long for the middle of the week. Except that now the hope of a weekend has come to an end. Sunday means that we are a day away.

We are another week away from those horrible two days. We try to have hope. We try to have strength. But they will never be just words echoing through time.

It was a Tuesday.

It was a Monday.

Please grant us one wish.

Just get us to Wednesday.

Where old wounds still exist.

Where scars will always be.

Just get us to Wednesday.

Then we will see.

Together.

Forever.

Just get us to Wednesday.

So when we play.

We can remember what it was like to be happy.

Kong

        Carl Denham (Jack Black), in his limited producer’s mind, was the king of the show. He never once referred to the twenty-five foot beast as King Kong. He plastered it all over a marquee and all of the requisite fliers to promote his epic find but he never once stopped thinking he was the king of the show.

        “Where he came from he was a king but he comes to you tonight in chains!”

        Then he presented to an affluent crowd…

        “Kong!”

        I was very familiar with the mythology of King Kong. I was as adept as one can be without actually seeing either the 1933 or the 1980 movies. It is the story that made Beauty and the Beast (not the TV show with Linda Hamilton and Hellboy) legendary.

        Of all the accolades I would like to lob now, I want to begin with the script. It was a marvelous collaboration between Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh and Phillippa Bowens. Every character held such depth. The most evident of these characters was the movie star hero Bruce Baxter (Kyle Chandler).

        “Heroes in real life have pot bellies and bad teeth.”

        Even with that rational to permit his cowardice, he still shows courage by returning to save Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) and Jack Dricsoll (Adrian Brody). Even with such redemption, Baxter still eagerly accepts the leading role in Denham’s play as the man who toppled Kong.

        The crew of the ship headed for Skull Island all had secrets and the island where they headed held dark secrets also. I loved the literary allusion toward Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. A stowaway is reading it for the first time because he thinks that it is an adventure story. The deeper he delved into the book forced him to wonder why Conrad didn’t turn back. His mentor on the boat had read the book and had an answer to the enigmatic question.

        “Although he knew he was headed to doom, a part of him just couldn’t turn back.”

        The script, I didn’t even mention the love triangle that was new to this version between beauty, the beast and the writer, is but the first building block. The acting is the next step and in a film like this, where a lot of the scenes are against a green screen, the challenge is to attain symmetry. Naomi Watts had the most difficult task in trying to create a relationship with Kong that could actually be believable. She brought with her all that she knew from New York and came to Skull Island, a land of utter chaos, with innocence still. She danced for the mighty beast and his heart melted.

        Skip Bayless is a sports reporter that dabbles in film review. He was a guest host for The Jim Rome Show in December and took that opportunity to proclaim, on a sports talk show, that Naomi Watts was a plain Jane that he thought was not a attractive.

        Well, bully for you Skip.

        Her greatest attribute in King Kong was her acting. I don’t understand Skip’s point, is Naomi currently trying to court him and he is simply making his intentions known? I might have killed my review here but every time I saw her beautiful face on the big screen I kept hearing Skip saying plain Jane until I finally lost myself in what she was doing on the big screen and that was acting her wonderful ass off.

        Adrian Brody played the role of the screenwriter with a quiet dignity and courage. It seemed he was trying to be the great heroes he often wrote of and that meant putting himself into the firing line.

        Or, worse still, into the spider pit.

        The savages of Skull Island were as fearsome as any army of Orcs. As fearsome as their presence was, their absence was just as eerie. I have mentioned Skull Island a few times and that was where this film made its most evolutionary leap. In fifteen years, filmmakers will look back at the CGI from 2005’s King Kong and say that was when it became seamless. The brontosaurus stampede is a cinematic triumph. You think at first they are being chased by those T-Rexes from the previews only to find a smaller predator bearing down upon them. The raptors soon found man among the brontosauruses and their hunt changed in mid-stream.

        Kong wore the scars of a king. The battles of Skull Island took his father, who was but a skeleton in the place where Kong called home. His isolation never was of concern until he saw Ann. Suddenly, he held beauty in his enormous hands and he did not want to let it go. His fight with the T-Rexes, while deftly maneuvering his beauty between his two hands and one foot, was another cinematic triumph.

        When he is caught by the men on the ship, there is sorrow for the beast. He is ripped from his home and made into a spectacle by the ambitious Carl Denham. Kong finds happiness, even in New York, when dancing with his beauty on a frozen lake but it is all so fleeting.

        Peter Jackson has made his career four films in. Ebert and Roeper both agreed that when Jackson comes out with a film it is now an event, comparing his vision of cinema to that of James Cameron.

        The climax of the film holds such resonance as Carl looks at the body of Kong on a New York street. He uses deflection to rationalize his role in the beast’s death for when his camera fell from a tree and fell apart, he devised the plan to capture Kong. He put the beast in chains, sold the beast to a full theater and was left to watch helplessly as the beast broke free. He was the king in his own producer’s mind and his limited view toppled King Kong. His hollow words ended the movie.

        “’Twas Beauty that killed the Beast.”

Lightning Comes Before Thunder

        The Pixar Production Company has not a made a flop yet. Their movies are so beloved that when older films are mentioned in recent ones, the audience watches with held breath. I'll get back to that later.

        What is it about the movies that make them all such ultra hits? When an enterprise has reached its pinnacle, as Pixar has done with the fabulous Cars, their success becomes much easier to spot. it is the scripts that make each of the movies, from the first Toy Story to last years The Incredibles, so appealling to all ages.

        The script for Cars was so good that if they were to re-do the movie next summer in a live action format, it would be a big smash as well. Acclaimed actors and actresses lend their wonderful voices, giving the script life. Bonnie Hunt is marvelous when seen in her movies and that translated when she became a Porsche. Paul Newman, need I say more? Owen Wilson gives all of his character's this wide-eyed fixation on the world around him. As Lightning McQueen, he started out as a two-dimensional race car out for himself. He fired his crew chiefs and even chased off his crew. All of that attitude and he doesn't even win the Piston Cup.

        The first race ends in a three way tie between the King (the old champion), Thunder (the permanent second place finisher) and Lightning (the rookie who didn't need new tires then blew both of his back tires to make the second race necessary)(I guess sometimes you gotta make your movie about something).

        On his way to the second race, in sunny California, the rookiw gets lost. The movie really takes on a turn when Lightning heads into Radiator Springs. It speaks to the adults while joking for the kids. It was mesmerizing to watch while a town in need of hope is given it. It was hilarious when Lightning made a best friend (Larry the Cable Guy as a tow truck with heart and rear-view mirrors). It was bittersweet when Bonnie Hunt's Porsche spoke of the new love she found on her way through Radiator Springs.

        It was a two hour cartoon that was full of surprises and fun at every turn. It was magical to hear the chuckle of youth around me while in my heart I felt the re-birth that only a movie theater can provide.

        At the end, there is a montage of tweaked Pixar movies (Toy Story, A Bug's Life and Monsters, Inc.) in the half-lit theater. The crowd stopped filing out and watched the screen. Every face held a smile. We were all remembering when we saw those films in the theater.

        It is always magical when Pixar and Disney get together.

        Cars was such a wonderful, unique movie. It had all of the elements of the cartoon wave we have been privilege to since Pixar pushed the limit of what animation could be. It is a pleasant thought, to be sure, when one sees what the best looks like. Cars is what Pixar meant to do when it started combining great writing with revolutionary animation. There mountain is far different from the likes of Everest, however, for the summit can only be glimpsed for a moment before a new summit has been created. And we as the audience simply have to buy the ticket.

        Enjoy.

Living in the Eye of the Storm

       The Whisper in Your Heart, by Stephen G. Scalese, is a self-help book that was written by a man who does not consider himself a writer. It took him fifteen years to write it, the book has been through almost a dozen rewrites and he even tried to give it away to spiritual guru Deepak Chopra because he didn't want the responsibility of bringing the message of the book to the world. Mr. Chopra didn’t have time to take on the project that Mr. Scalese would have gladly dropped into his lap so Stephen was stuck with it.

       Stephen knew that he had a book as far back as 1981. The journey from that point to our chat was impossible for me to grasp in the scant ninety minutes we spent talking. He was very open with me and I hung on every word he shared with me. Of all of the things I want to share now, this is the most important: Stephen is a man with a message so he wrote a book to share that message with the world.

       He is a great man who is still learning to better himself. By listening to the whisper in his heart he has helped the world become a better place. Along the path of his journey, he has met real writers who have given their endorsement for The Whisper in Your Heart. They are of the self-help writing fraternity and their words grace both covers of Stephen’s book.

        I asked if meeting those authors was an accident or fate. Stephen does not believe in such happenstance. He believes in the inner wisdom produced by our always-intuitive second side. He believes that if a person listens to that inner wisdom, that whisper of the heart, that second side then they will always be where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there. I am new to that way of thinking and there is a simplicity to it that seems to be primed for failure in this analytical world. Then a quote he told me lessened the fear of potential failure…

       “As soon as we find out that there is an easier way to learn, life can become easy.”

       Has our way of thinking become so complex that such a simple message is viewed with a doubting eye? If that is true then what is the point? If everything we do is the culmination of hard work and taking the long way only to be unhappy with the result then it is time for a new way of thinking.

       Don’t you think?

       We have so many toys today and those things make us feel advanced as a society but the whole time we are merely living in the eye of a storm that we cannot see. The toys we have are always on our minds and we become addicted to our thoughts. We become addicted to getting more toys. We become addicted to the storm and don’t feel comfortable unless it is constantly bombarding us. The storm leads to more thoughts, more static, more, more, more...

       With all of that noise in our minds, a small whisper from our heart can so easily be lost.

       This new view of our minds whispers about a reconnection with our own, authentic self. Trust in the inner wisdom of your second side. The second side is as old as humanity. The second side is guidance in a whisper and it is a leader. When one follows their own lead then any follower will become a leader of their own reality. It starts with a whisper then leads to a better connection and the hope is that the end is a better life. If the better life is easier then we will just have to learn to live outside of the storm. We will have to learn to live with peace instead of strife. The message is so simple that it will be easily discounted.

       When did all of this happen?

       When did the drive for further evolving stop being a priority? Our toys keep getting better and better so isn't it time for us to do the same?

       Living in the eye of the storm means coming to grips with the fact that we have become addicted to the storm in our lives. What Stephen Scalese wants us to know is that we only need to discover our real selves. The human infant is so weak and yet there are six billion humans in this world. Our second sides have found ways for us to survive and flourish for all of our history, yet our growth as a species has seen us slowly lose touch with our second sides.

       The Whisper in Your Heart is a book that will change your life. It will talk to you about how important you are to that change. It whispers its message. It is a book of hope because it simply hopes that when you read it, you will begin to listen to your own heart. More about The Whisper In Your Heart can be found on Amazon.com.

M:I:TCJJ

       I was looking forward to seeing Mission: Impossible: III because I honestly did not know if I would like it. I have yet to see the second installment of the franchise yet I look forward to seeing a fourth movie.

       I wanna see if The Rabbit’s Foot is really just a rabbit’s appendage.

       It’s probably not. Look at me, I’m already talking about the end of the movie at the beginning of my review. It seems like a bad idea yet that was how the movie started with the ultra trailer friendly showdown.

       I want to take this moment to help all screenplay writers. Slicing the movie up like that, putting part of the end at the beginning, is counter-productive. In good movies like M:i:III you have this clock in your head suddenly thinking about the end of the movie and how the end, which has already been shown, will come to be. In a bad movie, like Serpico, you are just waiting to see Al Pacino get shot.

       The solution, in the case of M:i:III, would have been as easy as starting with the party. It could have been cool too by showing Keri Russell’s character, the character that gave the movie its early (and lasting) heart, getting captured by the bad guys. Or, if you do show the end at the beginning then really go with it, Pulp Fiction style. In the case of Serpico, the guy could have taken the money or not have been a jerk. Instead, there is an hour and a half of depressing moral ambiguity as Pacino doesn’t take the money and is a real jerk. Is he a good guy that hates not taking the money or is he a bad guy doing one decent thing?

       All right, enough of that. That is the last time I bring up an Al Pacino movie. Crap, now I just can’t resist it. It’s too easy, it won’t be funny, just do it.

       Hoo-ah!

       Next up on the docket, and we are into the meat of the movie here, is the spy film genre itself. For a movie where the acting was superb, the effects were amazing, the script was by the numbers but very entertaining with sparkling dialogue it is a shame to see it bogged down by the memories of so many other spy movies.

       An hour in, find out a good guy is a bad guy. Nine times out of ten the realization comes when the supposed bad good guy is chasing the real good guy. About a half-an-hour after that you find out it was a different good guy that was bad then the second bad good guy explains everything, starting from the time he saw his pet fish die to the time he fooled them all.

       So if a good guy goes bad then pretty soon a real bad guy will have to cut him a check, anyway, the second bad good guy is most times killed after explaining everything and the climax with the real bad guy is set-up.

       And if you show a snippet from the end at the beginning, the realization of the set-up is suddenly steeped in self-inflicted redundancy.

       Wow, some of those words are so big that I don’t know how I feel about the movie. I know I hated Serpico though, I caught onto that pretty quick.

       M:i:III was awesome. It was loud all movie except for a few scenes where the change to quiet was the perfect tone for the time. It was so dark that the flare of gunfire lit up the screen. Tom Cruise gives his character’s such resonance. He is every bit as convincing as a real person when playing Ethan Hunt as in any of his dramatic roles.

       In his two TV series, Alias and Lost, JJ Abrams has given the fall season two bright spots in a rather dismal, well that is for Category 48. It was the first season of Alias that made me excited for the third mission. The plot from that first season was astonishing as an operative was working for a covert agency bent on destruction as a mole for another agency trying to bring the covert one down.

       It was complicated and unique.

       He did a good enough job to merit another shot. The premise is already appealing to me. What is The Rabbit’s Foot?

       I want the answer to that question to blow my mind.

       Am I expecting too much?

March Madness

It is that time of year again. Bracket time! 65 schools get invited, a pool of 15 have a legit shot at the final four and everyone wants to know who will be this year's Cinderella.

Remember when Gonzaga was a Cinderella school? Now they are a nationally ranked team and when they get beat then a new Cinderella has put on the slipper. My pick for this year's Cinderella is a team that has been a favorite for years. Arizona is a national power in a down year so the teams in the Pac-10 have been lining up to take their shots. North Carolina whooped them in a nationally televised game so on a national scale, the Wildcats are lucky to even get into the dance. If they had lost to Stanford on Thursday then they might have been NIT bound.

I have done a bracket every year since 1998. I usually want to throw them out by the third day but I never do. I ride it out and always wonder who are these people that can pick all of the winners. Then I hear some of their formulas and I shake my head...
Uniform colors, animal kingdom superiority, guys and girls they like with similar names and these are the office pool winners.

I get a few upsets every first round like Weber State over North Carolina a few years back and last year's Bucknell over Kansas game. It goes the other way too.
Believe me.

I had USC a few years back going to The Final Four and they lost in the first round. Last year my choice to win it all was Syracuse who ended up losing in the first round. I did pick three out of four Final Four teams (Illinois, Louisville and North Carolina) last year but with my prognisticated champ out, I had little chance to win my pool.

Selection Sunday has come and gone, the brackets are out and I want to give my Final Four picks: Duke, UCLA, UConn and Arizona. Of course these picks are wrong but they could be wrong for a few reasons: tough road to the Final Four, Cinderella, mysterious flat tires on a team bus and there's always the upsets.

Oh, and I guess since I am being so myopic, the Arizona Wildcats are going to win the national championship. My brackets lay precariously on the shoulders of a talented, albeit inconsistent, basketball team.

Miami V Dallas

Shaq is back.

The Diesel has made another trip to The NBA Finals. He brought Penny with him once, he took Kobe four times and now Wade is the talented swing man to join Shaq in The Finals.

The Heat were ninety seconds away last year. That was how much time was left when they led, at home, against the Pistons. Detroit came back to win and the whole team was done over. GM Pat Riley built this team in the off-season and somewhere along the road, he became Coach Pat Riley of the Heat again.

And now he is back in The Finals. His last time was a thrilling loss to the Rockets when he was coaching the Knicks. Yeah, New York's basketball team used to be good but that was a long time ago.

With the Lakers in the 80's, Riley was the leader of Showtime and how the rings poured in.

The Mavericks are in their first NBA Finals. They are young and they are deep. They can go big and they can go small because their best player, Dirk Nowitski, is a seven footer who can handle the ball, shoot the three and take you down onto the box.

The rise of their franchise can be directly linked to the day that Mark Cuban bought the team. Cuban is a hero of mine because someone read his blog, told Commissioner David Stern that Mark was talking bad about the refs and Cuban got fined.

For a blog entry. That's wild.

When the Mavericks won the Western Conference Finals, Stern wasn't even there to hand the trophy over to Mark Cuban. The NBA official who did hand the trophy to Cuban could not get out of there fast enough.

Cuban is always on the refs. It would be nice to see the refs talking to the media after the game. Some of their calls are worthy of questioning and it is a shame they are not there to answer those questions. Of course, Cuban does take it too far since he is the face of the franchise and with that face constantly griping, it filters down to every player and fan of the Mavericks.

I am now to the point where I make my pick. My original pick was Dallas versus Detroit. The Pistons can blame their coach for the loss to the Heat but it looked to me like the Pistons were a shade of the team they were a year ago. It is easy to blame the coach and hard to put the blame where it needs to go. It is good for the Eastern Conference. Next year while Detroit blames everyone but themselves for their struggles, the rest of the conference can keep beating up on them.

Whoops, forgot about the pick.

A motivated Shaq is too much for me to pick against, even with the home court going through Dallas. I say the Heat win in six games and Shaq might have a few things to say about his time in LA. Also, look out for Mark Cuban's blog after The Finals because I expect the refs to have a tough time.

More Than Meets The Eye

        I just couldn't resist and neither could screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman. I am not a big Michael Bay fan but I gotta say that Transformers was a great movie. There was no forced goodbye scene between Liv Tyler and Bruce Willis (which didn't seem strange since we all know her real dad so well)(which is kinda strange) that really took the wind out of Armegeddon and I hope to see another Transformers movie before another Bad Boys.

        When he went picture-esque this time around, it was an incredible shot of the good guy Transformers, led by Optimus Prime, gathered on a beautiful temple. The fight scenes were incredible because they had to shoot them in slow motion. In regular speed it might have been tough to tell which CGI robot alien was attacking the other one. In slo-mo, it was a spectacle. Two of the sparring Transformers crashed through a skyscraper and it was one of the most amazing shots I have ever seen.

        The plot might seem a little thin because they had to bring alien robots to Earth. I heard some say that parts of Spider-Man were infeasible. Which part, when the Goblin smashes into Aunt May's bedroom and her heart doesn't blow up on the spot? Or in the second one when she is hanging by an umbrella on a skyscraper (why anyone goes near those things is beyond me)(there's like three tall buildings in Tucson)? I was watching The Empire Strikes Back last night and noticed something that didn't make sense. For some reason the taun-tauns, a native creature on Hoth (I am assuming the rebellion didn't fly around the galaxy with an ark full of weird looking creatures), could not survive in the cold blizzard of the planet's late afternoon. Yet a couple of humans, one inside of the frozen to death taun-taun, can survive the entire night because Han Solo put out two little stakes.

        This has been a rough summer for me in trying to see all of the movies I want to see. I even saw Shrek the Third, which I liked, and didn't write a review/article about it. I did mention it in Blinverted though and I think I already talked about Aunt May's heart blowing up too because I find that one pretty funny. The stuff about Empire is all new because I just thought about it last night.

        Before I get back to the review/article I was writing about, I want to talk about me some more. The reason I was in a receptive mood for finding flaws in movies I love was because I am working on a movie right now. Is it a conflict of interest that I make movies and write about other people's movies? I think it's fun. One of the cast is a Star Trek fan and we were talking about it. He likes to watch the classic series with one of those nit-picking books that points out all of the errors. That nit-picking book of an actor I met this summer led to one of my most brilliant thoughts of the summer. It's hot in Tucson so that occupies most of my mind for a few months every year. You see, I want to move to a northern state for the summer time but have not found a relative that will let me sleep on their couch for a few months every year.

        But enough about me, well one last thing. I was hittig up different relatives for a few summers but the well ran dry and I'm not really welcome back. Speaking of back, let's get back to the point. Not only was Transformers a movie with amazing effects, it also had good writing where every character mattered. The troops trying to find refuge, the kids, the parents and the Transformers were all developed to a point where you cared about them. Kevin Dunn (he fought with CGI plastic robots in Small Soldiers)is always such a treat to watch and really made for some funny moments. John Turturro (his ears look funny in The Bronx is Burning) is one of my favorite actors and made the idiot government agent fun to watch.

        And the third act was all of the battles we saw as kids in the cartoons. They looked real this time though. If they do amke a sequel, which I hope they do, I can only imagine what it would look like. It might be, and I know I shouldn't end it like this, more than meets-

        Nope, not gonna do it. Not gonna end it like that. How about this? Dubya was on ESPN yesterday for an interview. When asked what he would do if he were Bud Selig in regards to Barry Bonds breaking the home run record, the president said that he had a lot on his mind and hadn't thought about what he would do if he were Bud Selig.

        If George Bush was Bud Selig that would be (I can only resist it so long)(I guess) more than meets the eye.

My 2007 NFL Picks

I love it when the calendar rolls around to August. Training camp is the beginning of the best time of the year. The biggest surprise of this football season might be that Kitna is right and Detroit can push the Bears for a playoff spot. The NFC East could have three teams make the playoffs. The Pats and Colts will probably meet in the AFC championship game again.

This year it is the Pats Super Bowl to lose. Not only are they improved, they have a chip on their shoulder because their little brother, the Colts, finally got over.

As a Browns fan, I think an 8 win season would be a miracle. One other team that should be a ton of fun is the Titans. I say that because they were a ton of fun last year. I heard that Vince Young and one of his teammates got into a fight. See, we're already having fun.

Probable Super Bowl: New England versus New Orleans

Most interesting SB: Giants versus Colts (this one will be tough since I don't think the Giants will even make the playoffs)

I just hit my head on the ground SB: Chargers versus 49ers

And now for the picks:

Divison Winners

AFC East: New England Patriots

AFC South: Indianapolis Colts

AFC North: Baltimore Ravens

AFC West: Kansas City Chiefs

NFC East: Washington Redskins

NFC North: Chicago Bears

NFC South: New Orleans Saints

NFC West: San Francisco 49ers

Wild Card Teams

AFC: Pittsburgh Steelers & San Diego Chargers

NFC: Green Bay Packers & Dallas Cowboys

The top seeds in each conference will be the Pats, Colts, Redskins and Bears. The Wild Card matchups will be San Diego at Baltimore and Pittsburgh at Kansas City in the AFC and Green Bay at New Orleans and Dallas at San Francisco in the NFC. I look for the Ravens and Steelers to win the AFC games and the Saints and 'Niners in the NFC.

The Steelers would go to New England to lose tot he Pats while the Ravens exact revenge for their playoff loss last year to the Colts. The Saints topple the Bears this time around and the Redskins beat the 49ers. In the Conference title games, the Pats beat the Ravens and the Saints beat the Redskins in Washington.

Super Bowl XLII will be the Pats and the Saints with the Pats winning in what I hope to be an exciting game.

My 2008 NFL Picks

It is going to be another banner year in the NFL. Both conferences are as loaded as I have ever seen them and there are up to ten legit contenders for the Super Bowl this season. I have been alternating between the Colts and the Pats in the AFC the last few seasons. The Chargers prevented an AFC championship game last year between the two heavyweights but the Chargers are a heavyweight unto themselves. They used their first round draft pick to select a third cornerback and Antoine Cason also happens to be the best corner to come out of Arizona since Baltimore took Chris McAlister.

The NFC is so loaded that the Giants will again be hard pressed to make the playoffs. It is hard to keep the defending champs out of the playoffs but Eli's awesome four game stretch does not guarantee regular season success. I do look for Wade Phillips to finally get that first playoff win but really can't pick him to make his first Super Bowl.

So I won't.

Well, enough of this, let's get to the picks:

AFC EAST

New England
Buffalo
New York
Miami

AFC NORTH

Cleveland
Cincinnati
Pittsburgh
Baltimore

AFC SOUTH

Indianapolis
Houston
Jacksonville
Tennessee

AFC WEST

San Diego
Denver
Kansas City
Oakland

NFC EAST

Dallas
Philadelphia
New York
Washington

NFC NORTH

Minnesota
Green Bay
Chicago
Detroit

NFC SOUTH

New Orleans
Carolina
Tampa Bay
Atlanta

NFC WEST

Arizona
Seattle
St. Louis
San Francisco

AFC PLAYOFF TEAMS

1 Indy
2 New England
3 San Diego
4 Cleveland
5 Houston
6 Jacksonville

NFC PLAYOFF TEAMS

1 Minnesota
2 Dallas
3 New Orleans
4 Arizona
5 Philly
6 Green Bay

AFC WILD CARD ROUND

San Diego beats Jacksonville
Clevleand beats Houston

NFC WILD CARD ROUND

New Orleans beat Green Bay
Philly beats Arizona

AFC DIVISIONAL ROUND

Indy beats Cleveland
San Diego beats New England

NFC DIVISIONAL ROUND

Minnesota beats Philly
Dalls beats New Orleans

AFC CHAMPIONSHIP

Indyy beats San Diego

NFC CHAMPIONSHIP

Minnesota beats Dallas

SUPER BOWL

Indy 31
Minnesota 20

My Wife's Birthday Movie

        She wanted to see The Devil Wears Prada, I wanted to see Miami Vice. So for my wife’s birthday she went to see her movie and I went to see my movie.

        Yeah right.

        I talked her into seeing Miami Vice.

        I’m full of crap again. I saw The Devil Wears Prada (the guy who sold me the ticket had to stop himself from laughing at me) on my wife’s birthday and now I know why it is such a big hit because it was very good. Meryl Streep gives yet another Oscar caliber performance, this one so good that it should be recognized in spite of its summer release. The other Oscar worthy performance comes from Stanley Tucci. He plays a restrained soul who dares to have a dream after almost forgetting how to do so. In recent years, great bodies of work have been rewarded with Oscar trophies for a recent performance. Meryl Streep starred in one with Chris Cooper when his tortured portrayal of an orchid thief in Adaptation earned him the Best Supporting Actor Oscar after years of great supporting stints. Stanley Tucci will hopefully be remembered when the nominations come out.

        All right, off of the soap box and onto the movie. It was smart, satirical and sexy. The home office of Runway magazine becomes and erstwhile Hell with simple shots of the days repeating. Hell, with all of its many punishments, holds a timeless quality where pain happens everyday. I mean I’ve never been there but I have read Dante’s Inferno.

        For Andy, Andrea for long (played by Anne Hathaway), Runway was a timeless torture. She had the job that a million girls would kill for because those girls all were into fashion. Andy just wanted to write, to be a journalist and working for Miranda Priestley (Meryl Streep) is a great avenue. When she goes to the interview, she doesn’t even know who Miranda Priestley is, Emily (played by Emily Blunt) pretended not to hear that. Andrea fights for the job, though, after being chastised by Miranda, who rewarded “the smart, fat girl” with the opportunity.

        Andy resolved not to let Miranda get to her. Things can wear on any soul, however, and a small hurricane in Florida can cause sadness in New York. Andy goes to Nigel (Stanley Tucci) for solace and he would have none of it, he has to deal with Miranda too. A friendship was born and a fashion maven was created. No more cracks about Andy wearing her grandmother’s skirt or her dumpy blue sweater that is a retread of a shade of blue created in 2003.

        Soon Andy was getting good at her job and her boyfriend Nate (played by Adrian Grenier) started to feel slighted. That was when temptation, in the form of Christian Thompson (played by Simon Baker), began to pull at Andy’s moral fiber.

        The people who sell their soul in one fail swoop are the ones who get rich quick. Andy slowly sold hers because she was surrounded by so many who were slowly ding the same thing.

        Misery loves company.

        For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction so there is not a too far when it comes to the soul (sometimes) and redemption might only be a cell phone toss into a large tank of water away.

        My only expectation for The Devil Wears Prada, when all of the bitching was over and I knew I was going to have to see it for my wife’s birthday, was that Meryl Streep didn’t grow a conscience, or soul if you will, at the end. I wanted her to be sadistic the whole time. She made her portrayal of a powerful boss real. She was what she needed to be but she also went home at the end of the day and had to try to be a wife and a mother too.

        And let me tell you, not even the Devil can do it all, all of the time.

MysteryAtMansfieldManor.com

        I once heard that there are only four plot lines for all movies and plays. It seems like a small number that might be true because there are a lot of film genres. Is it possible that there are more styles of movies than there are movie plots? Well, that's a trancendental question that I have no interest in getting into.

        The key that I have found is taking what has already been done and adding your own touch. It really is the only way to write screenplays because there are so many movies out there that it is hard to be original.

        Recently, a production company has tried to do such a thing. By taking the old English mystery story and adding the nostalgia of the "choose your own adventure" books of my youth, the result is MysteryAtMansfieldManor.com, a stylish online idea that takes advnatage of the interactive format like few have done to this date.

        The introduction starts in a police station where a veteran detective is facing a forced retirement. The power goes out. The boss calls for the old detective and sends him (plus the rookie the old detective is training) to the Mansfield Manor where the rich patriarch has been found murdered.

        The lighting of the set, the look of the actors and actresses and the musical score all resonate through the introduction, setting the mood that you are about to enter into an adventure that might have surprises at every corner.

        We've all seen the movies so the first thing that needs to be done by the old detective is to interview the house full of suspects at the Mansfield Manor. This is where the interactive part of the story begins. You get to choose who you want to interview. There is an interactive notepad at the bottom of the screen for your notes because, like I said before, you are the old detective looking to solve one last case on your way out the door to retirement.

        It is a clever idea. Shoot two and a half hours footage then let your editing geniuses pick it apart and file it into the categories of your interactive adventure. I am rooting for the idea to work. It would be the ground floor of a new genre of film and a new adventure for many filmmakers who have not taken advantage of the format in the way MysteryAtMansfieldManor.com has.

Nutty Marshmellowcream Scrumdidily-umptious

            How do you start a review with the aforementioned title?

            At the beginning I guess.

            Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was a children’s book. It became a classic film that was appreciated the most by those under an ethereal influence.

            The ethereal influence of youth of course.

            The 2005 version started with a combination of chocolate and The Matrix. Five golden tickets are mechanically placed into five random chocolate bars headed for five different locations around the global community Earth has become.

            The 2005 version is also directed by Tim Burton. He has taken Batman, been true to its mystique, and added his own touch. He has taken tall tales, been true to their mystique, and added his own touch. He has taken a trip to the barber shop, been true to its necessity, and added his own touch. There was the action-adventure genre, plus his own touch, that created Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure and without ghost stories and haunted houses we would have never met Beetlejuice. I for one am still looking forward to a sequel to Planet of the Apes because the ending of that film was Tim Burton in a cliffhanger type of mood.

            The 2005 version has Johnny Depp. He is not reprising the role Gene Wilder played in the first classic; he has reinvented it. Gene Wilder played Willie Wonka with a hidden malice masked by indifference and sarcasm. He was revealed in the tunnel then reborn in the elevator. Johnny Depp was the perfect ringleader for this moment of time. He is in charge but still finds time to enjoy the ride. Although seen before the trip to his factory, his true introduction defined his method to perfection. He was supposed to be at the center of a grand song but instead watched the fireworks burn the wooden puppets from beside his guests.

            And he enjoyed the show.

            Don’t fret for the burned puppets either. There was a puppet burn center in the factory to tend to them and replace burned and blistered body parts with new, unburned and unblistered, wooden parts. Incidentally, the burn center was a new addition to the Wonka factory.

            The 2005 version was visually stunning throughout. From the snow lined streets of London to the glitz of downtown Tokyo. The factory was a mesmerizing display. I sat in silence for the surprising two hour length of the film (including previews and a late start) taking it all in. My wife was laughing the whole time so I want to see it again and not get so immersed in the visual texture. I might even listen a little.

            That’d be weird.

            The 2005 version is its own film. It is full of so many surprises that you almost forget you are on a familiar path. They do still have four old folks in one bed. That made the cut.

            I will tell you my favorite part because it has been shown in the previews. It is when Charlie says that candy doesn’t have to make sense. The current version was able to show that the factory does exist in the real world. It also tells us how whimsical it is just to feel young. It makes old people dance and dentists give hugs.

Oh Snap

           The toughest movies to review, especially for someone not good at reviewing movies, are ones like Chicken Little. If you say you loved it then you look kind of weird for going overboard for a cartoon movie that is essentially for kids. If you say you hated it then you are the guy that hates Chicken Little and what is the point in any of that?

           Oh snap. I just paradoxed myself.

           Well, I liked it all right. It reminded of all of the other movies that looked like it and I think I liked all of them too. You know the list: Monsters Inc., Toy Story, The Incredibles, Shrek, Shark Tale, Toy Story 2, Shrek 2...

           What I really want to talk about is my new hero, Dick Vermeil. He is the coach of the Kansas City Chiefs in the National Football League and he did the bravest thing on the second Sunday of November that I have ever seen.

           In this day and age of media, talking heads, opinionated fans, scathing journalists and the scrutiny and the scrutiny and the scrutiny placed upon each and every decision to go for the win is a, excuse my French, balls move.

           Dick has balls.

           Oh snap. I think I just said that.

           The Raiders took a lead with about a minute and a half left in the game. KC gets the ball back and drives it downfield, getting a huge play under twenty seconds left. Larry Johnson took a six yard swing pass and ran it to the one yard line where two Raiders stopped him just short of the end zone.

           The ball is on the one yard line. Five seconds remain in the game. The Chiefs are out of timeouts. They are down by three points. Dick Vermeil is posed with a tough choice: go for the tie or go for the win.

           He went for the win.

           He called a dominating play to allow Larry Johnson to finish what he started. Following the blocking of all-pro guard Will Shield, who was a yard into the end zone himself, Johnson leapt into the end zone giving the Chiefs the win over their bitter rival, the Oakland Raiders.

           Oh Raider Nation, what would you give for a tackle at the fifteen yard line? My new hero, Dick Vermeil, might have gone for the win from there too though. A defensive stop on the final play of the game at the one yard line turns good seasons into great ones and unifies teams from play-off caliber to Super Bowl contender, if only in their own psyche. Instead the Raiders defensive line buckled under the momentum that mounted so quickly upon them and they were left on the field as the game ended and the other team celebrates victory.

           It is all of those ifs that make the choice to go for it so brave. It is also refreshing to see someone brave enough to eschew conventional thinking, going outside of the box to display character and faith in the men that he leads.

           If it doesn’t work then it is the anchor of the season. The Chiefs watch the Raiders ride the wave to the playoffs and everyone says that overtime wouldn’t have been that bad. If this and if that, my new hero Dick Vermeil made the call and oh snap, they won.

           To tie that randomness into the overall review/article, I think my new hero would really enjoy Chicken Little. My favorite saying from the movie was mentioned in the title.

           To end on utter randomness, I still haven’t seen these movies: A History of Violence, Saw, Deep Throat, Saw 2 and The Devil’s Rejects.

Perspective Summer Ice Harvest

        It is hard to say that a movie full of mobsters, lawyers, strippers and drunkards had heart so brace yourself: The Ice Harvest had a heart of gold. Of course Harold Ramis (he directed Caddyshack, the first Vacation, Groundhog Day and a little known classic called Multiplicity) directed this adaptation from a Scott Phillips novel and a dark comedy with heart has become a classic movie.

        The day I reviewed this was the thirteenth of the month. I am a little superstitious and the number thirteen does hold significance to me. The day of this viewing reminded why it did so. How is this for a start to the day: the cops rang my doorbell at five-thirty in the morning.

        The doorbell rang once and even my dog was confused. I thought it was a dream, my wife was murmuring and the dog was growling but not barking. It rang again and we knew we needed to see what was going on. As I approach the door I hear a voice say he is the police. Peering through the peephole, I verify this statement.

        “Is that your car out there?”

        It sat right in front of my house. I told the officer that it was my car.

        “We caught this kid trying to break into it, do you want to press charges?”

        This might be the kid that twice in the past six months opened our car door and left it slightly ajar so that the dome light shone for hours, draining one battery beyond repair and forcing the purchase of a new one. If it’s not him then he was just a kid who was trying to break into my car. Little did he know that the car was to be taken into the shop that very day for needed maintenance.

        We skip ahead to me in line trying to decide whether I want to see The Ice Harvest or Walk the Line. One factor that played into the decision (just like The Weather Man/Jarhead internal debate I once had) was a five minute head start for The Ice Harvest.

        You can see my decision was already made for me seeing that I chose The Weather Man the prior time and loved it. Weather men often speak of ice.

        Among other things.

        I was walking into theater thirteen with a duffel bag with me because my car was in the shop and I was doing errands using the bus. I was sneaking an iced tea from an outside vendor into the show within that very duffel bag.

        One odd thing I noticed right away was that The Ice Harvest, which has been out for some weeks, was in one of the bigger theaters still; thusly, the crowd was sparse in the palatial venue. I got a great seat and waited. At eleven-fifty two of the staff managers walked into the theater.

        “What are you folks here to see?”

        This was all of us in the theater answering at once:

        “The-The-Ice-That-Harvest-Ice-Movie-Ice-Ice-Harvest-Ice-Harvest-Ice-Harvest-Harvest-Harvest.”

        “Okay, first off I apologize for this but there has been a mistake in our marquee and this movie is actually in theater six.”

        We are in new territory here because this has never happened to me. Another thing is that seven is a significant number for me. I packed my iced tea back into the duffel bag and walked to theater six with the sparse, but resilient, crowd. Theater six is much smaller than theater thirteen but I still get a great seat. My five minute head start, now at twelve o’clock, has become a fifteen minute deficit. It was at that moment when morning becomes afternoon when a young lady got a call from her husband, one of those cell phone to cell phone deals, and she told us, in lieu of staff management who scuttled us off to theater six, that the movie was back in theater thirteen. I packed my iced tea back into the duffel bag and left theater six.

        At this point the crowd started to break-up because refunds were offered for all of the confusion. I got a refund then got a free ticket for The Ice Harvest in theater thirteen at two o’clock. I make sure the ticket is wrong and the movie is not going to be starting at two o’clock and am assured again that the theater was wrong.

        The moral of that section is that I got to see a movie for free and will eventually write a review about it. I have become a real critic for one movie. I’ll be right back, I need to go and take a shower.

        At twelve-twenty the lights dimmed and the scant few of us left in the palatial theater thirteen readied for the movie. The brightest scene in the movie is book-ended at the beginning and end of it. It shows the perspectives the film wants to float between: living in the winter while staring toward the summer.

        “As Wichita Falls So Falls Wichita Falls.”

        This is the enigmatic poem John Cusak reads while in a bathroom at a strip club in Wichita Falls. Oliver Platt called the state holding the city Kans-ass while in a jolly drunk mood. Billy Bob Thornton playing smarmy and vile to his usual perfection, was the balls behind the heist of a little over two point one million dollars from mob boss Randy Quaid, whose father told him to become a preacher and let Jesus pay the rent.

        Charley (John Cusak), a mob lawyer, got the money on Christmas Eve and all he and Vic (Billy Bob) had to do was leave town Christmas morning with it. Connie Neilson (stunning as always) owned a strip club where Charley went to hangout at. While reading some poetry in the bathroom, Roy Gelles (Danny Aiello) comes to the bar looking for him. Roy is the Top Dawg’s top goon.

        The Ice Harvest is so dark that when Charley is nice to strippers on Christmas Eve everyone knows that he is leaving town. It seems like everyone in Wichita Falls wants to go somewhere where it is illegal to snow. It is the dream of cold bones.

        The Ice Harvest was a journey of the unencumbered, Charley had set the bar so low that a bunch of toys from a convenience store was his attempt at gifts for his kids; how could you not root for this guy? Charley’s odyssey through Christmas Eve night in Wichita Falls involved two cars, lots of boobs and booze, friends making confessions and dinner with the folks. Sitting mesmerized through it all allowed those of us who made it through the three theaters, refunds and readmits to actually see the classic film, to feel unencumbered for a little while.

Peyton Wins The Big One

Here are my wandering, blinverted thoughted, football picks. Last year my picks were shoddy at best so I am looking for an even six of one and a half dozen of the other.

The Divison Winners AFC

East

2 New England Patriots

North

4 Pittsburgh Steelers

South

1 Indianapolis Colts

West

3 Kansas City Chiefs

Wild Cards

6 Cincinnati Bengals & 5 Denver Broncos

The Divison Winners NFC

East

3 Washington Redskins

North

4 Green Bay Packers

South

1 Carolina Panthers

West

2 Seattle Seahawks

Wild Cards
5 Philadelphia Eagles & 6 Arizona Cardinals

The first round would see three out of four Wild Card teams advance, only the Cardinals getting beat in their triumphant return ot the playoffs.

In the second round, the Colts would beat the Bengals while the Patriots beat the Broncos to set-up the AFC Cahmpinoship everyone wants.

The NFC would see the Eagles shock the Panthers in Carolina while the other NFC East team goes west to beat the Seahawks in Seattle, setting-up an all NFC East NFC Championship Game.

My Super Bowl pick is Indy versus Philly and I see the Colts getting the Lombardi trophy.

What's great about me, it's what makes me blinverted I think, is that I'll stand behind these picks.

I sure am glad the NFL is back.

Revenge of the Smith

            Some movies explode into theaters on a wave so high there is no need to review or critique them. They are seen more as events than they are as simple movies. Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith has redefined cinema. It is an event sixteen years in the making. I remember as a boy, back in 1983, when I walked out of Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi a lady who saw the movie in the same theater as I did with my family said that they would bring Darth Vader back. As a boy I thought she was dense, I mean, did she not just sit through the movie where the Dark Lord of the Sith was cremated? Because that is what I saw. It turns out that lady was more clever than I gave her credit for.

            From the beginning of the movie it was obvious the four hours my wife and I spent waiting in line to get a good seat was well worth it. Revenge of the Sith is the perfect melding of plot and special effects. It closed the deal where The Attack of the Clones, which was close to being a perfect melding of the two elements of modern day storytelling, fell short.

            With the whole story in front of us now, and the universe complete, I would like to go through each one with reflections.

            The Phantom Menace was doomed to fail from the beginning. It was the story to set-up the next five. It was full of plot and lacked in special effects. The film did look spectacular with the first glimpse of Coruscant, the improved Jedi tricks and the scenery on the planet of Naboo. Jar Jar Binks was there for the kids and made all of the adults wish for a mute button but I believe if Anakin had been older then Episode I would have been seen in a much better light. Imagine Hayden Christianson playing the role of Anakin in the first one and how much more plausible the pod race scene could have been.

            The Attack of the Clones was a good old mystery. The plot was easy to follow as long as you did not get too mesmerized by the amazing special effects and the immaculate scenery of the four planets visited over the course of the film. The other day a guy I know told me he has still not seen Episode II and I was proud of myself for not freaking out on him. I told him it is a great movie and he should check it out.

            On a side note, I have found admiration for those not overwhelmed by the Star Wars Universe since they have given themselves the gift of time.

            Revenge of the Sith could be the best of the six. Even though the story itself has been played out over the next three episodes there were still a few surprises to be had. The opening space battle was an incredible spectacle that really could not have been done during the first three movies creation in the late 70’s and early 80’s. It might not even been possible for the first episode. As a writer with an idea for a story about the planet Kashyyyk I was disappointed to see the way the planet looked. According to A Guide to the Star Wars Universe by Bill Slavicsek: ‘Its huge trees form an extensive ecosystem which is divided into several horizontal levels.’ They were definitely fighting on the ground in those amazing scenes so a story where trees overwhelm a planet will need a different title and setting.

            A New Hope is an incredible sequel where the Empire is flexing its muscle and trying to gain the control the Republic had lost. It turns out the Rebellion is a scrappy force to be reckoned with and the over-confident Empire has weaknesses. The battle of Yavin, where the first Death Star met its end, is still a cinematic triumph to this day.

            The Empire Strikes Back was the best of the six until May 19,2005. It showed the inner-workings of the Empire and the corrupt Darth Vader as the type of boss no one would wish upon anyone. It seemed the Rebellion was in dire straits and there was that little secret let loose about Luke and his absentee father.

            Return of the Jedi was about the redemption of Anakin Skywalker. His release from the dark side coincided with the end of the Empire’s grip on the galaxy. It has an open ended conclusion because now the Rebellion has again become the Republic and time will tell if the Star Wars Universe will ever again grace the big screen.

            In closing, I cannot help but wonder about the Sith. If the letter m is placed between the s and the i then the word would become Smith. Imagine what America would look like if all of the Smiths fell to the seductive power of the dark side. Of course the Smiths would not stop there because the dark side is nothing if it is not hateful. If you take the first three letters of Earth then you have e-a-r. Can you imagine replacing those three letters with s-m-i? Can anyone else hear the name of this planet being called Smith? I am going to quietly hope that the Smiths continue to live with the force as their ally. I shudder at the thought of one Palpatine Smith unifying them and turning them into Dark Lords of the Smith.

So Long and Thanks for all the Fish

           I was born in 1977. Along that timeline I would like to name, in order, the greatest movies I have seen in my twenty-eight years. Star Wars: A New Hope came out in 1977 and I saw it on the big screen when it was re-released. Apocalypse Now came out in 1979 and I saw it on the big screen in its full (and superior) form called Apocalypse Now Redux. 1980 had the second Star Wars installment, which was the fifth episode, The Empire Strikes Back. I saw that in the theater the same summer as I saw the re-release of episode four. I saw Return of the Jedi in the theater in 1983 after waiting for hours in line to see it.

           Another Vietnam movie is on my personal list and it is one by the late and great Stanley Kubrick, called Full Metal Jacket and that was in 1987. Good Fellas was released in 1990. I never saw either of these movies in the theater so if someone could please re-release them I would gladly check them out how they were supposed to be seen.

           The director of Good Fellas, Martin Scorsese, was an influence to the next greatest movie on this line, which was Pulp Fiction by Quentin Tarantino. I saw this in the theater in my senior year of high school. The flawless dialogue of the film made me want to write myself.

           A gap of five years ensued before American Beauty dazzled me on the big screen with its brutal honesty and superb performances both in front of and behind the camera. In 2001, a year chosen for release by Steven Spielberg for its “Kubrickian‿ undertone, Artificial Intelligence came out as a summer flick to mixed reviews but it easily makes this list for me. I saw it in the theater with a buddy and we planned to sneak into Pootie Tang (a hilarious movie in its own right but not one of the greatest movies in my lifetime; I saw it on video a few years later) afterwards but went to his apartment to talk about AI.

           They are coming heavier now it seems for in the next year I saw Being John Malkovich in a nearly empty theater. In 2004 my wife and went to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on the big screen. Both of those films were written by Charlie Kaufman and held surprises at every turn.

           2005 has its own entry to the list and it is The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

           Now, I could go from here to do a review. I could say the movie was inspired from a book of the same name written by Douglas Adams. I could mention how he co-wrote the screenplay with Karey Kirkpatrick and Garth Jennings directed it. What is to stop me from saying it starred Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Sam Rockwell, Zooey Deschanel and the voice of Alan Rickman as a tortured robot with GPP?

           Nothing can stop me short of a Vogon reading poetry.

           I could even mention the symbolism I saw of Arthur Dent’s home about to be demolished to build a by-line and the entire planet about to be destroyed to build an intergalactic freeway. The further symbolism from the prior sentence about the state of bureaucracy shown by the English government as well as the Vogon civilization. I have no qualms mentioning the symbolism I saw in the president of the universe, Zaphod Beeblebrox, and how his two heads reminded me of two American presidents that both share the same last name. I even found symbolic meaning when a character made of temporary yarn vomited threads of string and like many of you I wonder what a bowl of petunias really does think. I also pray to never get blasted by a point-of-view gun. So how am I to coerce all of this randomness into a coherent review?

           How indeed?

           Well, instead of all of that, I have decided to steal a number of the movie’s great quotes. Here they are in no particular order.

Humans are the third smartest species on Earth

In talking to the ship’s computer... It hates me.

I’m from a different planet. Would you like to see my spaceship?

Make sure you have your towel.

Don’t panic.

I’d rather be happy than right.

Should we lie down or put paper bags on our heads?

Oh no, that type of paranoia is normal.

Incredible, it’s even worse than I thought it’d be.

I have some fantastic news. Two thermal powered nuclear missiles are heading straight for us.

You can’t have my brain, I’m using it.

Oh no, he has a towel.

We are following the hunch of a man whose brain is powered by a lemon.

Not that anyone cares what I think, but the restaurant is on the other end of the universe.

So long and thanks for all the fish.

Read an updated version of this review on J. Floyd King's Entertainment Magazine blog.

So This Guy Borat Comes to America from Khazak, Falls in Love with Pam Anderson and it was as Entertaining as it was Revolting

        "What?"

        I watched the whole movie and I really feel like Borat is not a real person. Here are some quirks that lead me to this assumption: he showed more love to his sister than his wife (on that one you do have to admit that his sister is a lot hotter than his wife), his wife was killed later and he gave the messenger a high five.

        No real person does that.

        Borat was a man with a dream and going to America was part of that dream so he went to America.

        With hilarious consequences.

        Along with his overweight countryman, the two Khazaki's gazed at the bright lights of Times Square. There were no cows in any of the buildings so the two did look a little out of sorts. The hookers were easier for them to adjust to because hookers will do anything.

        I saw one ride a mechanical bull.

        While in New York, Borat saw a snippet from Baywatch and he finally had a purpose in this world other than owning better stuff (a clock radio, for example) than his Khazaki neighbor. He was going to be the man to make a woman out of Pamela Anderson. He found out that her cherry was not his for the taking anymore when three frat guys from the University of South Carolina shattered Borat's American dream.

        The mascot for USC (hell, both of them) is almost as offensive as their frat guys. Why is one school called the Gamecocks and another school, with the same initials, is called the Trojans? I wonder what Borat would say...

        "I think you supposed to put the one onto the other one. Then you fuck." (I sure wish I could impart the tone of his voice)(I can't stop laughing at 'then you fuck' and think about him reversing it: 'fuck you then').

        By the way, if you can hear me doing a crappy Borat impersernation over and over again then go ahead and shoot me an e-mail because we could be having one of those zen moments.

        Or it could just be a lot of shrooms.

        One thing going for Borat being real is that the frat guys are suing him. I didn't see a business plan at any point in the movie yet Borat seems to have brought almost a hundred million dollars with him back to Khazak. Maybe he can get the cow its own place and fill that space with a nice computer.

        I would not be doing my job (and by no means am I claiming that it is a good job that I am doing) if I didn't tell you this story. I hit the bar before the movie and I had to take a leak. I put it off and I put it off a little longer and then Borat was naked in the bathroom. A "noise" took him from the bathroom and therafter, for what felt like about ten years, a lot of "real nasty dude-on-dude stuff" happened. Frankly, I don't think I will ever regret my decision to hold it in ever again in my life more than I now do from the point that Borat first heard the "noise" until the two naked Khazaki's ran into the elevator.

        It felt like an hour and five minutes into the movie. If you see Borat naked in the bathroom then it's too late, your morbid curiosity will keep you seated for the whole thing. You'll keep thinking, how bad can it get?

        There is a bottoming out here. And don't confuse the scene where he uses toilet water to rinse off his face, he's wearing clothes then. Also, don't confuse the scene where he is going at himself while staring at some scantily clad mannequins because, although he is doing something men usually do in the bathroom, he is outside.

        Mercifully, he is wearing clothes too. Unfortunately, well, he decided his pants would make a good one-handed glove. Who does this guy think he is, Michael Jackson?

Some Basketball Predictions

That I know are all wrong.

Let me start by talking about the madness since March is here once again.

I realized the madness had begun when I had my second Corona at the sports bar while eatching the Tennessee/Memphis game in late February.

Tennessee is the best team in the country, I love their grinding style and they will wear down the teams they play as the game progresses.

UCLA is a close second. They are the best team in the best conference. Watch out for Stanford come March woth those twin seven footers.

Memphis is an awesome team as well. What I don't like about them is their ability to not play from the front in big games. They get behind when the competiton is to their level and are not a good catch-up team. This loss to UT could be a positive, teaching them how to play from behind.

There is always a team that slips in it seems. Why not my Arizona Wildcats? Arizona will always get the other teams best shot and have slugged their way to a 17-9 season through the injuries and other off the court stuff.

I know why Lute isn't coaching, did it ever make it to national news? It is a very guarded secret in Tucson for sure.

Here's the thing about the Wildcats. We are a slumbering giant. Since the loss to Illinois in 2005, we have a win against Wisconsin in the tourney. I can't remember our last Pac-10 title and I don't think we have won the Pac-10 tourney since its money grubbing re-invention in, of all places, LA.

Kevin O'Neil was brought into make the team tougher and he is trying. He wants them to play man-to-man d all of the time. He wants them to have the mindset that they can stop you on one end and score on you on the other end. It is necessary int he Pac-10 now becausr that is what Ben Howlland does at UCLA. He gets the best talent and makes them play hungry for turnovers defense. The injuries have hekped to define roles, which is what this team has lacked with all of the talent at every position. You tell a guy like Jamel Horn to go and get some boards and he gets ten against Washington State.

Arizona might be at full strength in a few weeks. They are now a bubble team, which is a far cry from where they have been. I hope the slumbering giant can awaken for a tourney run.

My Final Four, before the brackets even come out because that is how much faith I have in my bracket selecting skills, is Tennessee, Memphis, UCLA and Louisville.

You didn't think I was gonna actually pick Arizona did you? They'd be lucky to make it in this year. They're a bubble team looking for their 24th straight tourney bid.

Whoops, I didn't pick a champ.

UCLA

I'm a West coast guy. What can I say?

And now for my incorrect NBA picks. I picked the Cavs and Mavs last season and was only right about the Cavs. Now that's strange.

If anyone didn't see it, let me try to paint the picture. Dwight Howard was talking to Jamir Nelson around the free throw line. Howard busts into a big grin and starts to take off his jersey and there he is with a Superman undershirt, he even put on a cape. He put a piece of tape about a foot in front of the free throw line then he went down the runway. He turned and he jogged up the court, hit a stride, hit the tape then jumped...

Dwight Howard is six eleven (in some reports but six ten for sure) and he can jump like no other man that tall I have ever seen.

Nelson lobbed the ball from behind the backboard so it came straight to the leaping Howard. With one hand he caught it and threw the ball through the hoop.

That's right. He never touched the rim! It is boggling my mind right now, the way he was high enough that he could throw the ball down in the motion of his movement and have his fingers come no closer than six inches to the hoop. It technically wasn't a dunk.

It was just the most amazing thing I have ever seen on a basketball court.

It brings me to my Finals prediction. Boston and Phoenix

It is the urgencey NBA Finals as both teams really are not playing for next year. The Suns survive the rugged West. Facing the Spurs in another epic series along the way. The other threats are anyone that makes the Western Conference playoffs, it is that lozaded this season (and prettymuch every season). In the East, the pistons are the reqal threat to Boston. If the Cavs can pick up Mike Bibby for Larry Hughes, Donyell Marshall and Larry nance out of retirement (like Van Horn foe the Kidd trade) then the Cavs might have a chance but the Pistons will show up this year against them and it will not be pretty for LeBron, er, the Cavs. Still I think that Boston will get past Detroit.

I also think the Spurs/Suns series is the real Finals. Every year the Spurs play the eventual champ except when Dallas blew a ten point third quarter lead in game 3 against Miami and never recovered or when they win it themselves. They are my preseason pick for 08-09 but I like the Suns in seven against the Celtics.

Springtime in Narnia

The Lion

        There is an old BBC version of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe that was so boring that it almost turned me away from Narnia for the longest of times known: forever. Good thing for me Disney thought an adaptation from the book by CS Lewis would be profitable.

        In the symbolic portion of this part, the king of Narnia, Aslan, is perfect for the ADD that I am going to talk about. At one point the cat didn’t even know if he was alive or dead. Sheesh, pay a little attention. Maybe perfect is too strong a word because other than that I really can’t back-up what I said up there.

        What I wanted to do was try and segue way to the next two parts where I will talk about a book and the first installment in The Chronicles of Narnia. The book is one I read in 2005 by Paul McAuley called The Secret of Life. Both authors, their books published fifty-one years apart, create realistic worlds within different realms created by that space of years where the world has caused change in the writing in and of it.

        I mean I guess, I never read the one by CS Lewis. I just saw the movie.

        Aslan was voiced by Liam Neeson and for some reason he has the perfect voice of reason. He gave the animated king of Narnia a validity by never breaking his tone or cadence throughout.

        How could a majestic leader, whose very breath birthed Narnia, not have a little touch of the ADD? All of that stuff on his mind, the prophecy, the Witch making a hundred years of winter with no Christmas and her mesmerizing of Edmund. Aslan played mediator when Edmund met again with his siblings: Peter, Susan and Lucy.

        He said the past is something that must sometimes be left behind or something like that, I wasn’t really paying attention.

The Witch

        I am a science fiction fan. It caters to my taste for extrapolation. What if this happens and what if that happens? Paul McAuley has extrapolated a world in 2026 that has had the Internet for so long that it is an international community from China all the way to the United States.

        So when an oil slick appears in the Pacific Ocean it is very difficult to keep it under wraps by the governments, one responsible and one being pro-active, separately trying to do just that. The social elite have piercing in their eye-brows, noses and wherever else they like. Everyone has a slate which is a laptop, cell phone and Internet connection all in one small package. Scientists who work on the elements that will cure diseases caused over the years such as the First Born Crisis where male embryos were aborting at two months all over the world. The vaccine to that pandemic led to a paradox the author eloquently spoke of where injecting a virus into people was the lone cure to the much greater disease.

        In effect, health in 2026 needed disease to be achieved.

        The heroine of the tale is a scientist who lives in a trailer in the Arizona desert.

        “Mariella pulls on her sheepskin-lined denim jacket, saddles her bay mare, Twink, and rides at a trot along the dry riverbed.”

        This is how Paul McAuley introduces Dr. Mariella Anders. He creates a strong and sympathetic portrait of a rebellious woman who knows how to conform. A woman with deep scars that has fallen in love with her work and her love for that is not even as strong as she would like it to be.

        She knows how to work it in the political realm in the ultra high-tech world and is granted admission onto an elite squad that will travel to Mars. It seems that the Chinese have found something on the red planet and it is the reason for the substance growing in the Pacific Ocean. Shipping lines have caused the spread of the original slick into the rest of the water around the world.

        She is going up with two others to find out what is under the polar ice cap on Mars. She takes the orders of NASA for as long as she can until she sneaks off for a night on the town just in case. Nothing was going to happen of course when she went to Mars, but just in case…

        That night cost her leverage in a struggle with one of her crewmembers. The one representing the company funding the trip from the Earth past the Moon and onto Mars. He kept her on the mission against the orders of those above him so she would create a majority when they were alone on the Martian surface.

        After a nightmarish journey through space and even more imagery of chaos on the surface of Mars, Mariella returns to Earth with precious cargo and a price on her head by both public and private interests.

        The Secret of Life is an ambitious novel that spoke to me on many levels of a quasi-world that is eerily conceivable. Like George Orwell with 1984, Paul McAuley sees a world where big brother uses the advancements to come to further control those that they rule. It is the sheer number of those that are to be controlled, something maybe Orwell never conceived from his vantage point before the sexual revolution of the 60's that has grown more perverse with each passing decade, that allows the social mores to become liberal to the point where business suits and nose rings look common together.

        It is a page turner that takes you on a journey through the birth of a planet from cosmic dust to Central American labs where the structure of Martian life was dissected. It is also full of insight to the effects of micro-gravity, DNA and RNA structure and the history of their research. There are communities that live only off of the land that have to deal with the destruction of that land by big corporations. The slicks in the ocean are effecting marine life which will eventually spill onto land.

        Maybe the secret of life is that everything effects everything else.

The Wardrobe

        Not since the first Lord of the Rings has an epic fantasy been so thoroughly enjoyable. It starts with the brutality of battle and a young boy unable to look away until told to. He is part of a family torn apart by the war as his father is away at war. Only a picture of him remains.

        The children were sent away to all points not under air attacks. Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy got to their professors in the country. He has an enormous house and one room has only a wardrobe in it. With belief there is a whole world, from the lamp post on is Narnia, behind the fur coats in the wardrobe. Without belief there is only the back of the wardrobe.

        With belief children can become great warriors and leaders and lions are truly kings. Without belief a witch can freeze a waterfall and a child can become lost on his way. Narnia was suffering but there was a prophecy that things would get better. The witch made Narnia suffer and wanted to stop the prophecy. Edmund’s belief allowed him to follow his little sister through the back of the wardrobe. In trying to find her, he met the witch. He knew she was bad but still tried to help her. He was afraid of her. Edmund was always afraid and that made him very angry.

        The movie was so good that it didn’t even need the preview friendly battle at the end but it didn’t hurt either. The kids brought springtime back to Narnia and after a hundred years of winter it was sorely needed.

        They grew up in Narnia and one day while riding majestic stallions they saw an old street lamp overcome by vines and barely lit. They walked back to find an old wardrobe and returned to their youths back in England.

        With belief a child can grow into an adult twice and it will always be springtime in Narnia.

        It will be a noble undertaking to translate The Chronicles of Narnia from book to film. I am also a big fan of the book to film adaptation. That was how I have read such great books as Big Trouble by Dave Barry, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by the late Douglas Adams, Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption by Stephen King, The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien (who was in a literary circle with CS Lewis and it seems there two great series have some similarities they could have possibly discussed) and Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton among so many others.

Summer Movie Recap 2005

            Summer officially ends on the twenty-first day of September. In my opinion though, summer unofficially ends when the kids have to go back to school. So going by my opinion, it is time for the summer movie recap for 2005.

            Summer officially began when a man from England hitchhiked aboard a Vogon spaceship with a rapper turned actor. Mos Def is such a good actor that it is safe to say he is an actor who can rap. It was the first step of a science fiction, comic book, remake and sequel filled summer. One might wonder if the retreads will ever run dry but it is a scary thought. Could you imagine a summer movie season filled with only documentaries and original ideas involving forty year-old virgins?

            Well, if the buzz from March of the Penguins and The 40 Year-old Virgin means they are good movies then maybe that mythical summer wouldn’t be all that bad.

            I have said it before that I am not good at this reviewing thing; in fact, I am doing a recap for a summer movie season where I did not see half of the movies. I know, I know, I have a lot of nerve. So to get organized, let me rank the movies I saw first:

1. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (this movie was so good that I also read the book this summer)

2. Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith (the best of the prequels and rivals Episode V as the best of the bunch; it inspired me to begin work on a screenplay for Episode VII)

3. Batman Begins (this one was a fantastic comic book to movie translation)

4. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (a superb remake and a movie that can stand alone)

5. Fantastic 4 (another great comic book to movie translation; the story was conducive to those who had never read a single comic book of the Fantastic 4)

            At this point of the summer, there are thirty-two movies worth mentioning. With the five that I have already seen that leaves me with twenty-seven movies that I can wax on about blindly. Let’s break them down into easily accessible categories.

            [Note: Unseen movies are listed in order in which I would like to see them]

            The first are the movies from books (which would include the best movie of the summer, in my opinion, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). The highest grossing of these was War of the Worlds (it is also the highest grossing Tom Cruise movie ever). The Island and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants round out this category.

            Next is a far larger category and it also includes Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. These are the movies that are remakes of popular movies and television series of yore. The Longest Yard, The Bad News Bears, Bewitched, Dukes of Hazzard and Mr. and Mrs. Smith all gave the summer of 2005 a strong sense of deja vu. These are the movies that when they hit big at the box office will spawn the worst sequels.

            With that kind of segue way, how can I not do the sequels next? Star Wars III was the keystone movie of the summer of 2005. The next movie to elicit this type of buzz will probably be the third installment of the Spider-man franchise. Other than Star Wars there was the memorable duo of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo and the much anticipated sequel to The House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil’s Rejects. Both are by Rob Zombie and make us all wonder when the next White Zombie album is coming.

            The one movie that came out this summer which was based on a true story might also be the only summer movie that garners any type of Oscar recognition and that is Cinderella Man. I just hope it’s not as sad as Million Dollar Baby.

            With all of the movies in need of disclaimers now mentioned, I have come to what can be called the original idea movies of the summer of 2005. There were comedies: Wedding Crashers, The 40 Year-old Virgin, Must Love Dogs and the latest Martin Lawrence vehicle Rebound (which, sadly, is something his career might never do). There were thrillers: Red Eye, The Skeleton Key and Dark Water. Some urban tales: Crash, Hustle & Flow and Four Brothers and even a few for the kiddies who are all now out of their parents hair and back in their teachers hair: Madagascar and The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl from the director of Sin City and the Spy Kids movies.

            I did see both of the comic book movies of the summer (Batman Begins and Fantastic 4) but missed both of the documentaries (March of the Penguins and Murderball).

            All in all, it was a solid summer for movies. The reason I can tell it was a good summer for movies is because there were about a dozen that I wanted to see that I never got around to seeing. Hell, I’m still trying to see some of the movies from last summer on DVD. It looks like the summer of 2006 might be one of decline but there is a whole school year to worry about before then.

Super Bowling 2006

        I guess I could start by poking a little fun at myself. At the beginning of the season I picked two teams to be in Super Bowl XL that didn’t even end the regular season with winning records. I gave myself another shot when there were four teams left for the conference championship games and the two teams I picked were both watching the festivities in Detroit. I should stick to writing reviews of the things I see as opposed to extrapolating on what might be.

        Over the past fourteen years there have been ninety-four head coaches that have received paychecks in the NFL. Pittsburgh has had one coach that whole time. He is a winner who was never a champion. He is a great coach who had trouble in the big games. He holds a losing record in AFC Championship home games and might not coach long enough to even that tally up. He is 1-0 in AFC Championship road games and now he is 1-1 in the Super Bowl. The joy on Bill Cowher’s face with three minutes and twenty seconds left when Big Ben Roethlesberger dove for the back-breaking first down will always be a priceless moment to any fan of sports.

        The game was a strange one. The nerves of the Seahawks in the first half, a questionable offensive pass interference call in the end zone and poor clock management at the end led them into halftime trailing in a game they were dominating. It has happened in many Super Bowls, a team plays good but makes those costly mistakes that lead to field goals instead of touchdowns. From what we have seen throughout these playoffs, even those field goals are not guaranteed.

        The Rolling Stones played the halftime show. Satisfaction is actually two years older than the Super Bowl. Speaking of years old, the combined age of the super group has reached the unfathomable number of 248. By my count, if The Rolling Stones were an individual then they would have been alive to see the British lose the American Revolution to the Americans.

        Pittsburgh came out strong in the second half. Willie Parker broke a 75 yard run for a touchdown and an eleven point lead. The kid from North Carolina University, who wasn’t drafted, now holds the record for the longest run in Super Bowl history, breaking Marcus Allen’s winding run through the Washington Redskins defense back in 1983 by a single yard. The Seahawks drove downfield and made a play to get to the Steelers one yard line but that play was nullified by a questionable holding penalty. It led to another missed field goal. So instead of a 14-9 dogfight, the game was a 14-3 snooze.

        The Steelers drove down and were poised to put the snooze to sleep until Kelly Herndon intercepted Big Ben and returned it for the longest interception return in Super Bowl history, again by a single yard, saving the Seahawks from a deficit they would not have had time to climb out of. Matt Hasselbeck hit Jeremy Stevens for a touchdown, one of the few balls he held onto, for a touchdown to bring the game to an exciting 14-10 score.

        A costly interception by Hasselbeck led to another Super Bowl first: the first wide-receiver, former Indiana University quarterback Antawn Randle-El, to throw for a touchdown when he hit Hines Ward on a double reverse pass that provided their final score.

        Pittsburgh won the game they way they have won games since they were bought by the Rooney family, which, shockingly, was before even The Rolling Stones became a band. They played great defense, they got a lead and they ran the ball with a bruising running back. The running back of their 1970’s dynasty team was Hall of Famer Franco Harris. The bruising back now, who is on his way to Canton in five years, is Jerome Bettis. Jerome Bettis is a graduate from Notre Dame who has become Pittsburgh’s favorite son and won his final game in the NFL in his hometown of Detroit. From here he can write his own ticket. If he wants to coach then he will be a great coach. If he wants to be a broadcaster then he will be a great broadcaster. If he wants to focus on his family then he will be a great family man. It is good to see the good guys finish on top and in Jerome Bettis and Bill Cowher, two of the best guys finally jumped that last hurtle and no longer are they great but…

        Now, they are just great.

[Commercial Break]

        When a company is spending 2.5 million for thirty seconds of air-time, it is a Super Bowl of consumer promotion. Here are the best ones that I saw:

1. The cell phone/I-pod commercial where the guys couch caught on fire and he had a song for that.

2. The FedEx caveman commercial where FedEx was to be created in a couple of million years and a brontosaurus’s ample leg made a cameo.

3. The monkeys at Careerbuilder.com who just needed a shift in perspective to keep the party going.

4. The Budweiser commercials where a bear was stymied by a cold bottle until the buddy stole it then there was the goat streaker then the guys working on their roof and of course the inspirational colt pulling the Budweiser wagon with a little help from Mom and Dad.

5. The production value of the ESPN cell phone where the man walked through sports heaven.

        And there was a cavalcade of celebrities earning a buck for a few seconds of work. Chris Berman announced The Shaggy Dog trailer. Dr. Suess was quoted for a United Way ad. ABC took advantage of their platform to have Shaq, Tony Hawk, Hugh Hefner and Sugar Ray Leonard plug Desperate Housewives. And lest we forget Fabio growing old for Nationwide Insurance.

        We will now leave for an extended break. Coming up next in Miami is Super Bowl XLI where the Indianapolis Colts will take on the Philadelphia Eagles.

The Amazing Dark Knight

The last movie I was looking forward to seeing really let me down. I was further let down when I read that the new Indiana Jones movie crossed the three hundred million dollar mark. We as a nation have been duped to pay for a name attached to the worst movie of the summer as Speilberg laughed all the way to the bank.

I saw Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk and Get Smart with lesser expectations and was very pleased that all three were good movies. You see, the people that make these movies are not moonlighting to make them. Making movies is their job and going to see them should have a certain level of expectation. When you go to Taco Bell you know you will get the food quickly, it will be greasy and you will have the shits later. As you go to better restaurants, you expect better things. I expected to see the fourth Indiana Jones movie and I think they made the second Hudson Hawk instead.

But I digress.

The structure of The Dark Knight was amazing. it was a two act movie. The first act had to do witht he rise and fall of Harvey Dent. This took the bulk of the movie and it was a mesmerising hour and forty-five minutes when I just sat back and was dazzled by everything. The acting, the directing, the cinematography, the make-up, the costumes and the special effects. It all worked together to form a massive plot between the cops and the mobsters, the heroes and the villains and even America and China.

Suffice it to say there was a lot going on and it all fit together to form and amazing puzzle.

The first climax led to the fall of Harvey Dent. It was a time when you could finally take a breath. It felt like the end of the movie since the first act lasted so long but the surprise was there was more story to tell.

The Dark Knight is my kind of story. It is messy. The type of mess that only corruption can create. Every angle is the result of one angle and leads right into the next angle.

The second act was owned by The Joker. His plan is that he has no plan. His scheme is that there is no scheme and let me tell you this: this was not your Jack Nicholson's Joker. Heath Ledger made the great performance by Nicholson in the 1989 Batman look like the afternoon special version of The Joker. In the 1989 version, there was a backstory for The Joker. There was no backstory for the 2008 version and that made it even more intriguing and creepy.

It truly is our loss as movie fans that we no longer have Heath Ledger. He would have been wonderful in the next Batman and he could have even given us a great movie in a movie based on the backstory of his Joker. There was no name other than Joker. There was no plan other than chaos. There was not a moment when you didn't want to see what he would do or say next. It was a wonderful performance and it will be a lasting tribute to the immense talent Heath Ledger was in life.

Most movies have three acts. The Dark Knight only had two and there was a reason for it.

The next one will start the third act of The Dark Knight, which was written with a brilliance that is seldom seen in movies in this day and age.

This is a movie to be cherished. The PG-13 rating is misleading. It is a bit dark for the younger kids and the plot was very involved and possibly a bit out of reach for younger viewers. The make-up might lead to nightmares.

As if all of that wasn't great enough, there was a preview for the fourth Terminator before the movie started so that is the next movie I can't wait to see and that will be coming in summer 2009.

I also cannot wait for the next Batman movie as it should pick right up where The Dark Knight left off.

The Big Week 3 Preview

It's strange how a week in one NFL season can live forever. It's the Internet, not me. The Browns drafted Brady Quinn and Joe Thomas today. This myopic Browns fan is pretty darn happy

        In a sixteen game season (played over seveteen weeks, watch out for the Vikings bye again this year as they try to top the boat from last year's felony loaded bye week), every game is vital. The second week of the NFL season is one of those bell weather weeks that can teel both a team and its fans what to expect for the next fourteen games. That being said, here's the teams that were not expecting to be winless two weeks into the season:

Carolina, Washington, Miami and Tampa Bay

        Here are the teams that are ecstatic to be 2-0 (well every 2-0 team should be ecstatic but these guys are especially ecstatic):

Baltimore, Minnesota, Atlanta and New Orelans

        And now for my picks, two weeks into the season. The teams I picked to win the NFC's East, North and South are all 0-2. I thought Brett Favre, the last gunslinger, had something special left in the tank. I thought a lot of things. My AFC picks are looking better with only the Chiefs going 0-2 on me as a division winner pick.

        And now, I would like to look ahead to the bog week 3 looming at the end of the next weekend. Wait, before I go onto Week 3, I have to say that my NFC Super Bowl pick should be 2-0 and looking tough. What is up with those wild NFC East games? Is any lead ever safe? The Eagles were looking at 2-0 as well as putting the Giants to 0-2 but now, (farting noise), they are both 1-1.

        Now we can proceed. The biggest game is the 2-0 Colts taking on the 2-0 Jaguars. This is a game that the Jags usually play tough in but fall short because they can't score enough points. They might be a year away still, even with their trio of tall receivers, but a win on Sunday against Indy could bump up their arrival. In the NFC North, da Bears are looking to put a stranghold on the division by winnig their third straight divisonal game. The Vikings want to keep playing good, smart football as they win as a team since they have lost two superstars over the last two years.

        The AFC North is in full-on rivalry mode. The Bengals and Steelers hook-up for another scrap, the last one was in the playoffs. As for the Browns and Ravens, well, there is no love lost there. It is hard for me to imagine that the Ravens could hate the Browns as much as the Browns hate the Ravens but I think we can all agree that Art Modell is a piece of crap.

        The loser of the Tampa Bay/Carolina game might not make the playoffs so I expect the Panthers to get their first win. If the Buccaneers pull that one out then many people's NFC Super Bowl pick would be 0-3. On the opposite side of the NFC South, Atlanta and New Orelans are hookinh up for a Monday Night battle of undefeated teams. It's hard not to pull for the Saints to go to 3-0. There is a playoff re-match on Sunday night when the Patriots and Broncos hook-up and a possible playoff preview when the Seahawks and the fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants Giants play.

        A few of the games weren't mentioned so here they are: three of these six teams will have wins by Sunday night, Green Bay, Detroit, Tennessee, Miami, Washington or Houston. The Jets and the Bills renew their long AFC East rivalry. The Cardinals and the Rams renew their new NFC West rivalry and the Eagles play San Fran in what could be a high scoring affair.

        I look for the Eagles to go to 2-1. Of course, I won't count my eagles before they are hatched this week. I feel safe in predciting that Week 3 will be another epic week of pro football.

The Dark Tower Screenplays

Stephen King’s novels and short stories seem to either translate well to film (The Green Mile, The Shawshank Redemption, The Shining) or they really miss (Thinner, Pet Semetary). Those are but a few of the over thirty movies and television mini-series that have been attempted. It is good that none of them are in the middle of the road but a few more Misery’s would take out the bad taste for every Dreamcatcher.

When Dark Tower VII: The Dark Tower came to bookstores last year it completed one of the greatest and most ambitious novel cycles ever. The series of seven novels that is about all of the coincidences of this world. I say of this world for in the series he paints landscapes of many different worlds coexisting on this planet. It is referred to as different whens by the main characters of the book: a ka-tet of gunslingers led by Roland Deschain of Gilead.

Roland begins his quest alone in a when where time has moved on (for time to move on involves a fundamental breakdown of the cosmos in that nights become arbitrary increments and the lives of men cannot be gauged in years). He follows the man in black (the man in black has many names and one of them is The Walking Dude who let loose the super-flu in the apocalyptic novel The Stand which proved to be a not-so-good mini-series) in a landscape inspired when the author was a young man watching The Good, The Bad and The Ugly on the big screen.

Any film projects would need to be as ambitious as the books themselves where King blends mysticism, science fiction, action-adventure, vampires and even his own brush with death.

I am ambitious enough to try to piece together a concept and for those like me who have read all seven books, this might even make a little sense.

Very little.

To start with I would combine the first and second books into one screenplay and call it The Gunslinger. The opening scene could be the Gunslinger in the city of Tull where he has to fight his way out before he moves through the desert meeting a man with a black bird then coming to the way station where he meets Jake Chambers. Jake joins him on his hunt of the man in black. Roland has to choose between his obsession, the Dark Tower, and the boy. Jake falls to death but tells the Gunslinger bitterly:

“There are other worlds than this."

The bridge connecting the two novels would take place on a desolate beach where Roland and the man in black hold a palaver on a night that lasts a decade if not longer. Roland slips into sleep and the man in black could say this classic line over a black screen:

“Sleep, Gunslinger, while the world moves on."

After a fade from black the adventure with the lobstrosity sea creatures could ensue. He finds three doors on the desolate beach where he draws The Prisoner and the Lady of the Shadows before dispensing justice upon The Pusher. The second half of the first film would also have a shootout in a New York mob headquarters of all things.

The second movie would begin with the beginning of the third book and both the screenplay and the book would have the same name: The Wastelands. The real trek toward the Dark Tower begins in earnest with the third book (second film) when the Path of the Beam is discovered. The beginning of the path is guarded by a thirty-foot electronic bear named Shardik. A great twist to this installment is the re-emergence of Jake Chambers in a bridge scene between 1970’s New York and the world that has moved on. Jake then befriends a dog-like creature called a Bumbler and named him Oy. They also come to the city of Lud and meet the Tick-tock Man. The second movie would have to take the beginning of the fourth book, as the third book ends in a cliffhanger, where the ka-tet rides a train with a horrible thirst for riddles named Blaine.

So we are onto the third movie and it could go two ways. The fourth book, other than the beginning, could be skipped entirely, as it is a flashback of Roland’s life before his world moved on. If used in a film series, Wizard and Glass could be called The Mejis Palaver. If not used in the series it would be a great prequel to The Gunslinger but to use the fourth book in its order in the series could alienate the MTV generation. The ending of the fourth book would have to be omitted as it is regrettably the low point of the series (it is a contrived homage to The Wizard of Oz).

The final three books would be the third, fourth and fifth movies. Those could all use the names of the novels as movie titles: The Wolves of the Calla, Song of Susannah and The Dark Tower. I will not go into the details of those books but suffice it to say they are all great reads. The ending of the seventh book (fifth movie) might upset many of the fans the series would inevitably produce but in my humble opinion it was a perfect ending. In fact, I would like to hear anyone rationally explain what other way Stephen King could have ended this extraordinary series other than the way he did.

So there it is: seven great books become five great films with an awesome prequel to top it off from the beginning. Get Quentin Tarantino to direct The Gunslinger, Ridley Scott could turn The Wastelands into a sweeping epic, Steven Spielberg for The Wolves of the Calla, Spike Lee for Song of Susannah and Martin Scorsese for The Dark Tower.

Frank Darabont, who has a great touch with other King adaptations, could direct the prequel.

The Darkest Theme

        Where is Syriana?

        Is it in the broken heart of a CIA agent? Or is it in the broken heart of a father who lost his son? Is it in the ideals of a man who should be king? Or is it in the trigger finger of a pawn to a king’s whim? Is it in the confusion of a world on the brink of change? Or is it in the hearts of those who want nothing to change?

        Ever.

        I have been to Syriana and although I am better for the experience, the dark themes it spoke of will haunt me. Will I stop being haunted soon?

        I don’t know.

        The first theme was played while beautiful music played at the beginning of the film. Men looking for work in the desert. Some are chosen and some are not. There is no method, there is no reason, there is only a job to be done and bodies needed to do the job. The men in the desert are the ones trampled under the weight of a huge merger between two American oil companies.

        A leader in the Gulf Region took the best offer for his wealthy oil fields. The offer came from the Chinese so the snubbed Americans call that business man a terrorist. The lines are already blurred, of course those could just be the tears in my eyes as I weep and try to understand the world around me.

        When Americans do terrorist acts they are called something else and that allows men with evil souls to sleep at night and count their money during the day. There isn’t a name given to the terrorist acts but they are most assuredly not acts of terrorism. How can they be? We’re Americans and we were the victims of 9/11 so when we launch an attack we are patriots killing families.

        In the Gulf, a wise man preaches his beliefs. He says that the West has failed. Even as he says it, he knows he speaks a mistruth. The West has been so successful that it points out the failures of those who do not share our beliefs. It is the Americanization of the world outside of the West and it has been the most successful failure the world knows today. We go into a backwards Middle Eastern country and push our ways of democracy and equality upon through them war and suffering. We make them puppets in their own homes and that is the American Nightmare. A dream would see them become autonomous entities with their own infrastructure, the American Dream we once held dear, but it is really all about control. Be enough like America so when the US tourists visit they feel at home but do not get to the point where you can compete on our playing field. America will always bully Syriana, no matter where it is, to be a submissive version of us. We want to look into the mirror and see our reflection across the ocean and if we don’t like what we see, Allah save those souls.

        It is hard to sit in a theater in America and watch a movie that says America is not a good guy anymore. It is hard to understand how America has become this ignorant bully who uses those that it needs until they no longer need them. It is hard to have to come to grips with the idea that maybe the terrorists are fighting a just war against us because in trying to make everyone like us, they have become just like us. It is hard to believe that men will be sacrificed so a big oil merger can be pushed through and the sacrificial lambs will do their time and reap the rewards of the merger when they get out of prison. It hurts that it is corruption that keeps us safe. It hurts that evil has taken such a stronghold on this world and it is scary to think where this war is headed.

        The war I speak of is essentially money versus oil. One will run out before the other and those with money live in fear of that day. Those with money know oil is like having their bank accounts backed by black gold and all of the jockeying, lobbying, killing and suffering we read about in the news is the result of the push made by the super rich who are afraid to see the world as it is becoming simply because the new world might not be as profitable for them.

        Did I like Syriana? I don’t know. I don’t know if I like the thoughts it put into my head. I don’t know of those thoughts need to be there. I don’t know how a prince and his family can be killed by an American conglomerate and it not be called terrorism. I don’t understand how a father can choose a weaker leader for his people, ensuring their submissive Americanization for another long generation.

        The darkest theme is that maybe the next world is the true world. The darkest theme is that death is salvation when living in a reality such as this no longer holds any logic. The darkest theme is that the world is so insane now that only escape from it can lead to bliss. The darkest theme is that no matter what you call it in this world: terrorism, corporate mergers, oil man of the year, Syriana, economic advising…

        ...the next world just might be the true world.

The Departed

        Martin Scorsese's first feature film since The Aviator is yet another example of his brilliance. The Departed starred Jack Nicholson, Leonardo Dicaprio, Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg. All of whom shone on the screen while the dark stroy slowly unfolded.

        And what was The Departed about? It was about everything. Scorsese pulled from his library of classic films for inspiration. It was an affront to reality TV. Lies are what make the world go around since everyone is lying about something to get money. No one gives you anything so you gotta go and take it. The Departed is about those left for dead and those slowly dying in a lifestyle where the good guys and the bad guys both have guns. When a loaded gun is pointed at you, does it matter if there's a cop behind it?

        The bad guys got their guys in with the good guys. The good guys are putting their guys in with the bad guys. It's a highway full of rats going in both directions at once. No one trusts the guys with immaculate records so how can anyone else ever be trusted? You pound a guy in his wrist with his own boot and ask him if he's a cop, what do you think he's gonna say? You take a kid under your wing and watch him rise through the ranks at the police station. He helps you handle your business, he helps you to keep taking things that aren't yours and since no one stops you then it must be all right.

        It's always good to have other plans too. This is the juggling act organized crime boss Costello (Jack Nicholson) lives everyday. In a meeting with his high ranking police informant, played by Matt Damon, he is told to lay low.

        "That's not what I do."

        The seeds of his own demise are planted with every choice. Costello knows the life will kill him one day if he's lucky. The unlucky ones die in jail. Costello knows there's a rat in his circle. He suspects the new guy, Leonardo Dicaprio, but has seen him be a terror to anyone who steps out of line. The new guy can't even drink a glass of cranberry juice without cracking someone in their mouth. Costello knows he has a rat because he has rats on the other side. In this game, everyone has a secret and those that keep them best watch the others become departed.

        The movie spoke on so many levels of the world today. The violence in the movie was displayed by the beautiful actors for its raw honesty. It is easier to punch someone in the mouth when they piss you off than it is to walk away. The bad guys pound on each other just like the good guys do over mistakes. It is our thirst for violence that is put right in front of us and we no longer need to look away. We no longer want to look away. The world has become so violent that acceptance of it is as easy as making it look nice on the screen.

        The Departed is the honest portrayal of a world gone mad. Is Scorsese talking about our world today? It would be easy to say yes but I am thankful to say that I don't live with the kind of violence I saw in The Departed. Those caught up in that game lose their minds. The dialogue in the movie was short, coarse and explosive. Every other conversation ended in a fight. The fighting is for respect. The killing is out of loyalty. And the dying leads to attention. The sound of the movie was sharp with echoes. It seemed like it was flawed if taken by itself from scene to scene. In the subtext of the whole movie, however, the sound mirrored the fight every character was in. Take a shot to the mouth and you stop talking with only the echoes of what was said filling your ears.

        The Departed is another great movie from the man who has brought us Raging Bull, Good Fellas, Taxi Driver and Gangs of New York. In pulling from those movies and speaking of the current world we live in, where the good guys and the bad guys all have tough choices to make everyday, Scorsese has given the world another cinematic triumph.

The Dynamic Coen brothers

In 1984, the Coen Brothers made a movie called Blood Simple. It was set in Texas and Frances McDormand's husband, played by Dan Hedaya, wanted her and her lover killed. He hired M. Emmet Walsh and in doing that, a horrific story evolved. I saw Blood Simple after I became a fan of the Coen Brothers and there style for telling a story hit the ground running.

In 1987, they decided to make a comedy called Raising Arizona and it not only was a brilliant film, it also was one of Nichalous Cage's first successes as an actor. They left the darkness of a love triangle in Texas for the humor of a dysfunctional family in Arizona. Two of them in fact, one had no kids and the other had five born at once so the one without took one of the five the other had. Throw in John Goodman as an ex-con and a bounty hunter with no friends and you really have a movcie that never let up on the cuckels, giggles and guffaws. Barry Sonnenfeld shot Raising Arizona on his way to make the Men in Black movies.

In 1990, the Coens decided that they wanted to do a gangster movie so they went and made one of the best ones ever in Miller's Crossing. It is a period piece set in the time of Prohibition as the Irish mob was at war over who ran the streets. With their first twofilms, the Coens had made a thriller and a comedy. In Miller's Crossing they showed their knack for crossing genres as this hardcore gangster movie held a scathing wit throughout. The violence was done as wonderfully as it was brutal. This film was also the first big role for Gabriel Byrne who later in the 90's starred in The Usual Suspects.

In 1991, The Coens took their growing audience onto a fascinating trip with Barton Fink. John Turturro played a New York playwright who headed west for Hollywood to write a screenplay. What ensued was a journey into the darkness as his neighbor might have been Satan. He might have killed the woman he fell in love with and the best story he had ever written might have been his ultimate demise. It was another period piece as they showed Hollywood in 1941 and they showed what power meant back then to those who had and did not have it.

By 1994, when they released The Hudsucker Proxy, it was obvious that the Coen Brothers were geniuses. Tim Robbins played the proxy in a hilarious story about the Hudsucker stock scam. When Robbins' character was promoted to the head of the company, fresh out of school, there was a great montage of him just laughing for weeks. The owner of the company jumped out of a high floor window and when the next person attempted to do the same, he found that the windows had been reinforced. This movie, like Raising Arizona before it, really does get funnier with every viewing.

Their ability to tell dark tales with scathing wit was again showcased in 1996 with Fargo. Their ability to make a comedy with an amazing plot was again shown in 1998's The Big Lebowski. These two movies seemed to be the pinnacle of their already great careers. Especially The Big Lebowski, with Jeff Bridges playing the Dude, felt like the type of film that filmmakers dream of putting together. Every joke was constructed with perfect timing and pace. Every character felt so real. Fargo was the opposite of The Big Lebowski with a very dark plot littered with scathing humor throughout. Those charactrers felt very real also but the effect was much more disturbing.O Brother, Where Art Thou?, which is a retelling of Homer's The Odyssey set in the 1930's. They made a black and white epic called The Man Who Wasn't There about a barber. A film about a lawyer in Intolerable Cruelty and one about a band of thieves in The Ladykillers. They are all great films and show that there has been no pinnacle in the Coen Brothers career, merely one long and steady stream of entertaining projects.

No Country For Old Men is a pure Coen masterpiece. Equal parts western, action, horror and comedy, it earned the dynamic duo best directing, screenplay and movie Oscars. This was not a reward for their body of work but the just desserts for an epic film. No Country For Old Men was so great that I am ashamed I did not see it in the theater. I rented it on DVD and watched it. I understand why it was such a decorated film and wanted to write a review of it but felt that I had waited too long to do that.

So I just talked about their whole career for an article.

They have already had the follow-up released with the comedy Burn Aftter Reading and are involved with four movies that are in different stages of production. The Coen Brothers have created their own genre and done it with such elegance. They are going to make a few more masterpieces along the way and we are the ones who will benefit the most.

The Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Baby Jesus

        That was the title that I decided on but let me tell you there was not a lack of choices. I Don't Know What To Do With My Hands would have been a good one. Shake 'N' Bake, Pry It Out With The Other Knife or Walker And Texas Ranger could have all worked. I was even kicking around the idea of calling it Men Kissing Men but, I think for obvious reasons, that one was nixed. Nope, I went with the way Ricky Bobby saw Jesus as he said grace.

        That all just happened.

        I hope by the zaniness of the opening, you can see I enjoyed Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. You wonder if Adam Mckay lay awake at night wondering how to coax a comedic performance out of Will Ferrell?

        Probably not.

        If comedians were profiled, the curly-hair-on-head-and-belly-white-brief-wearing-tall-guy category would be known as the comedic masterminds. Those profiled there would be known as the comedians that pose the biggest threat of causing the most chortles in an auditorium type setting. When Ricky Bobby goes to video, the threat elevates to every household. And here I am neglecting all of his videos already out for public consumption, from Elf to Superstar as Bewitched is to Old School while Kicking and Screaming during A Night at the Roxbury as Ron Burgandy is telling everyone in San Diego to stay classy on the boob tube, you can see why we have a GIP funny colors alert from the North Pole all the way to Katmandu.

        Talladega Nights hit every note. Some French guy with a bad accent was dating Andy Richter.
(I miss his Fox TV show. It was so politically incorrect.)
John C. Reilly, who is so good in every role he plays, was the best friend. Michael Clarke Duncan was able to cure Ricky Bobby's wife when she fell ill from cancer and started to swear a lot. After that, Ricky saved him from the electric chair, he was convicted in connection with a murder in a kangaroo court at best, and made him a Nascar crew chief. With a clean bill of health, Ricky's wife grabbed his best friend's crotch because that's what tractor beams of hotness do. I'm not gonna lie to you, some of what I said up there might not be what you would call accurate.

        I wanted to incorporate this review/article with an overall ranking of all of the movies I have seen this year in a sectiopn of this article/review that I would like to call...

Don't You Put That On Me Ricky Bobby

        I have been lucky enough to catch twelve movies this year and here they are in order from one to twelve. I do want to say that I did like all twelve movies so it was a shame that one had to be number 12.

1 V for Vendetta
2 X-Men: The Last Stand
3 Cars
4 The Devil Wears Prada
5 Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
6 Superman Returns
7 Nacho Libre
8 Click
9 The Da Vinci Code
10 Mission: Impossible: III
11 Poseiden
12 Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest

        This is from a compilation of my list and my wife's list. She did not see Nacho Libre or Click. Her number one was X-Men making it a solid number two in my eyes with V for Vendetta the best movie I have seen so far this year. We both had The Devil Wears Prada fourth and after discussing it, I moved Cars from 5 to 3, switching it with Ricky Bobby's Ballad, because of its layered plot over Talladega Nights. My wife had Superman Returns higher but it seemed the best of the second group of five in my opinion; maybe if Batman Begins wasn't so good last year then expectations wouldn't have been so high.

        From 7 to 12 is a matter of what mood you are in. A good laugh, a swashbuckling tale from then and for now (Poseiden could be both now that I think about it but I saw plenty of boats in Pirates 2). I can't wait for the next Pirates of the Carribean and hope there is an M:I:IV. The DVD release of Nacho Libre and Click will give me the chance to own both of those great comedies. And the fact that a great movie like The Da Vinci Code is at nine tells you how impressed I have been with the movies I have seen so far this year.

        Hey, I could have called this: He's Got Two First Names

The Future of Film

        I was part of a really neat evening last night. It was the culmination of a year of work for the college filmmakers at Pima Communtiy College. It was a first hand look at the future of film and the future looks so bright that some of them might need shades.

        David Dudley made a very nice 8 minute short called Clusure. It is about the last eight minutes of a bereaved man's life and it was one of many highlights over the course of three hours of film from 34 movie shorts.

        The Adventures of Ace Proton was the final movie and it was the combined effort of the whole class for over a year of work. It was fantastic. Brendan Guy Murphy is one of the better actors in the city of Tucson and he lent his talents to a very well written sci-fi serial. The Session by Albert Murillo was another highlight of the evening. Mike Buck, who was so great in Jen X, played a soldier in a very well edited and written movie short.

        Toilet Paper Coffee Filters has a looming date with YouTube. It was a hilarious video movie with a message of love and coffee. Begrudged by Vinamra Chaddha was a funny mockery of The Grudge that had the crowd scared at first before the yuks took over. The collaboration on The Sober Shot Glass was epic as we learned the trials of a shot glass that has drunk its last drink. There was also a wonderful little tale on not workng unless you are working and watching TV, it's called TV The True Meaning of Life and they sure went with it.

        With hilarious consequences.

        Wino was a fun one as was Not getting to First Base by Marcos Navarette. Linda Fiorentino made The Beginning and it was another highlight on a night filled with them.

        A couple of the films were very special as well. Why Do They Serve? by Phillip Mathews was a very dear short to us here in Tucson. Mountain View High School has been ravaged with graduates killed in the war in Iraq. Why Do They Serve? was a tribute to all of them and the Huff Family, whose daughter Sam was lost, was in attendance. It was simply a wonderful moment in time to celelbrate life and art and tragedy together for such a special night. John Varley's Come Home My Son was another of the shorts to deal with war.

        I saw the future of film last night and I am glad to be making movies now since I might be squeezed out here in a few months or years.

        Good thing I'm only a writer. If nothing else, maybe I can write about the future filmmakers I met last night when no one wants to see my movies anymore.

The Gnew Gnarles Barkley

I first heard Gnarles Barkley on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I spelled his name Narles but had a feeling there was a silent g in front. He played his ultra cool hit, Crazy, and I wondered if the rest of his CD was as good.

On a local radio station, one of the DJ's played Crazy and said that the rest of the CD was as good as that song. i liked Crazy enough that I decided to buy the Gnew Gnarles Barkley (sorry about that G thing but I just couldn't resist).

St. Elsewhere is the name of the Gnarles Barkley CD (also, it's an old school TV show about a hospital, I think). The cover has an atomic mushroom cloud of pop culture. The CD has 14 hip tracks from the title track to Feng Shui. From Crazy to Necromancer, which is a humorous look at a taboo topic, all of the songs sparkle.

It is so nice to hear a solid new sound in what is becoming an ever more stale music industry. Gnarles Barkley's voice is wonderfully unique, his lyrics are quite humorous, which could hide the fact that they are very well thought out, and the music gets your toes tapping from the first hook.

Look, I just seamlessly used a musical term.

The Incredible Smart

I put off writing a review/article for The Incredible Hulk for so long that I done saw another movie in the meantime. So in order for me to get smart, I surmised to write a done double article/review.

Oh yeah, the other movie I saw was Get Smart.

I sure hope I don't get the movies all mixed up like I did when I wrote The Simpsons Stay in 1408 review/article. The best way to avoid that, I surmise, is to start with The Incredible Hulk.

It was a hilarious remake of an old TV series. Wait, that was Get Smart, whihc means that I am already derailed.

D'oh!

Missed it by that much.

Okay, I am going to attempt to re-rail myself. The Hulk by Ang Lee was a bold, unique and utterly unwatchable version that is one of the worst movies ever to make one hundred million dollars. Lee actually turned The Hulk into a gay cowboy movie.

Wait, that was Brokeback Mountain.

Wow, I am really losing it here and I would like to blame my ADD as it is really getting in the way of this article/review. That makes me angry and you don't want to see me when I'm angry. All right, I just used a Hulk catch phrase so the re-railing might be taking effect. Things are coming back into focus in spite of myself so there, me.

Ed Norton helped to write the screenplay for the latest Hulk as well as playing the dual title role of Bruce Banner and the Hulk (he really got into character as the Hulk)(I hope they didn't test him for steroids during production). Let me just say that he did as good a job acting as he did writing in this particular version of the comic book to TV series to bad movie to good movie adaptation. The entire backstory of the Hulk was shown over the opening credits so when the movie started, it freely told the story of what happens next.

William Hurt and Tim Roth were great in their hunt for Banner. Stan Lee made a cameo that was also a key plot point. My wife gets mad at me for slamming lead actresses so in order to stay out of her dog house, let me just say that Anne Hathaway was fantastic in Get Smart.

See honey, I didn't even mention that Liv Tyler was yet again the weakest link in a blockbuster movie.

D'oh!

The jokes in Get Smart came fast and furious as Steve Carrell again left us laughing. I want to see Get Smart again so I can catch some of the jokes that I missed while laughing at the jokes that I did catch. I want to hunt down all of the jokes from Get Smart and laugh at them.

Well, I think that about wraps 'er up.

C-ya.

The Interpreter

           Politics is akin to a deep lake; the surface looks tranquil but the depth, and what could be found below, is best left to the men and women in suits. This would be one of many themes The Interpreter portrayed in a stunning specter.

           By 2005, everything in cinema has been tried. The successes still become legendary (Pulp Fiction) and the failures become begrudging legends unto themselves (Showgirls). International politics has been attempted with the same type of hit-or-miss results because for every Black Hawk Down there is a Dangerous Ground (a forgettable attempt at the state of South African mores starring Ice Cube and Elizabeth Hurley in case the title alone holds little to no meaning). In that vein, The Interpreter can be compared to the great political films and it even breaks into its own unique story along the way.

           To begin with it has Sean Penn playing a flawed character. The beginning paints him as a certain type of character but as a film full of surprises unfolds, his character breaks away from cliche flaws to create a textured player in the international political scene. Sean Penn is a true joy to watch because he attacks every role as if he is still trying to prove himself. I can only assume that his role in the 1982 hit Fast Times at Ridgemont High had some bad reviews of his portrayal of super stoner Jeff Spicoli. Based on that assumption, those critics that might have thrown him under the bus have actually created an amazing character actor who acts with a chip on his shoulder and brings that intensity to every scene of every film he gets involved with.

           Opposite him is Nicole Kidman who is as equally talented as she is stunning. Her character, she would be the interpreter of The Interpreter, flows between the aspects of good and evil freely. From that point, the film itself is the beneficiary, as every corner we see of her character becomes a plot twist within the film itself. The scenes where her hair hides half of her face creates the subtle symbolism that she is not all that she seems. She gives her character a validity to enmesh all of the ideals she has as a UN worker where she believes words can eventually help struggling nations as well as the ideals of her younger days where she believed in quicker forms of changing people’s views.

           It is hard to believe two such gorgeous people could ever be single for a second in the real world but the script tries its hardest to see them as two people caught in a web of intrigue and isolation. The direction of Sydney Pollack creates a tense tone to give a believable foundation to the ambitious screenplay. He even plays a bit role as Sean Penn’s boss in the secret service but make no mistake, Penn is the one calling the shots through all of the filmed action.

           The movie has few special effects but they are not thrown in just to dazzle the audience. Instead they give poignancy to the plot development from the first frame, a desolate soccer field in an African country, to the ultimate climax within the confines of the United Nations in the United States. The musical score is a perfect complement to the tension of the film as it grows from its own roots to become a claustrophobic case study of flawed people tackling the burden of international intrigue, diplomacy and of course politics.

           The Interpreter is a few weeks in front of the summer rush of films but it should not get lost in the shuffle. Films this good deserve the big screen experience where the attention can be solely on the film playing on the screen. Any distractions could lead to confusion in the interpretation of the film through its twists, turns and character development.

The Line Between Sucks and Great

            Jerry Seinfeld blew into Tucson on May 20, 2005. With summer over a month away he was greeted by a balmy one hundred plus degree day. He made reference to this in the opening of his set. He wants for us all to stop talking about the weather. It is here, deal with it. The same people who flip out over the weather are the same ones who can never seem to come to grips with what time it is.

            He gave those people a useful suggestion: hang out in front of a bank sign and be continually surprised as the digital numbers flip back and forth between the time and the temperature. I don’t think I will see anyone take his good advice but I will keep my eyes open when I pass any bank sign. I will keep my eyes open also since I will also be driving a two ton death machine when I zip by a bank sign with my mouth agape as I am surprised to see how hot it really is.

            Then I will say this out loud to myself:

            “Is it really three o’clock?"

            At this point in his career, Jerry Seinfeld is able to seamlessly go through the topics he finds humorous. He started with the weather and went onto those who are paid to talk about the weather on the news. He is not a big fan. In fact, he does not see the need to have both a weather person and a five day forecast. As with all of his observations about nothing, it holds merit. Think about it, if the meteorologist, a nice word to make a weather person sound like they are something more than just a person who reads from a teleprompter, is worth the paycheck they receive then a five day forecast should be a golden chariot of fact. The weather portion of the news should last for five minutes once a week. On Monday the meteorologist comes out, says a joke about the anchors tie, haircut, et cetera, tells us what the next five days weather will be then they can go and hang out with Doppler for the rest of the week. Networks can pay some other person two-fifths of the weekday weather person’s salary to do the two day weekend weather forecast sometime on Saturday.

            Of course if there were no more weather to talk about then we would talk more about religion and politics. That could lead to us becoming a country always immersed in some type of conflict.

            He weaved his way onto a topic dear to my heart: cookies. Everyone who owns a box of cookies knows exactly how many there are in that box at all times. He even said how we all wanted him to finish his show so we could all go home and eat our cookies. I hate to admit it but as the proud owner of a box of Oreos, I was in complete agreement.

            He let us all know that he was up to nothing but that doing nothing was not nearly as easy as he made it look. Sometimes things come up and he has to drop doing nothing at all in order to do something. Once he gets something done, though, he longs to get back to nothing. He might even eat a box of cookies during the reprieve.

            He was good enough to give the married couples some advice. Women would be best served to leave their husband alone since that is all they really ever want. Men can give their women no greater joy than by being at the place they say they will be. To wit, he will tell his wife that he will be in the garage. He will go into the garage and stand in there doing nothing. She will inevitably pop her head into the garage to see if he is in there. When she does look in on him and he is where he said he would be there is no greater moment in her day and their bond of marriage is strengthened exponentially.

            He received a standing ovation when he finished his set and ran out for one last stream of consciousness joke. He told us all how the line between sucks and great is so thin as to be non-existent. All of our lives suck except for the brief flashes when we are doing something great. It was great to see Jerry Seinfeld line and it sucked when the show came to an end. His prime example of the line between sucks and great being virtually invisible goes like this:

            “You’re walking down the street with a scoop of ice cream on a cone. The ice cream falls off and splatters onto the ground. It sucks, right? So what do you say?"

            He paused to let the laughter fade away and build the tension for the last punch line, which he delivered with perfect sarcasm.

            “Great."

Check out J Floyd King's online diary:

http://jfloydking.diaryland.com/index.html

The Mavs and the Mav-nots

I really blew this one

        The Dallas Mavericks are on pace to win 70 games this season. They need to go 8-0 and probably will fall short but only one other team, with eight games to go in their season, had a shot at 70.

        Michael Jordon led the Bulls to 72 wins that season so at 72-10, they almost had single digit losses for a season. An old school Philadelphia 76er team went 9-73 one season. The only modern day equivalent of a team that bad would be the Knicks of last season. I wonder what the gap in pay is between those two horrible teams. At least as many zeroes as there are starting basketball players.

        Regular season season success by no means guarantees post season glory. The Scramento Kings hosted a game 7 against the Lakers in the Kobe and Shaq era. The Kings missed enough fourth quarter free throws to nullify their home court advantage. And by now you all know I am a Cleveland fan so you will be spared the times that Michael Jordon helped beat better Cleveland teams and how when the Cavs had the chance to beat better Bulls teams, they fell short.

        The Spurs are the biggest threat and from what se stacking up, it looks like they will meet again in the second round. Well, the Suns are a better team this year and they pushed the Mavs to six games last season in the Western Conference Finals.

        The Mavs will take them in seven this season. A fun team this post season could the the Nuggets with that dynamic duo of AI and Carmello. Kobe could pull some amazing tricks and in the East that might be enough but in the West, in seven games, it will be hard to get past the first round.

        I have a tired joke and I am going to use it again. I use it to point out disparity and the impact it has on what are supposed to be title games and series. The NBA has had this problem for essentially the length of its existence. The only teams of true competitive balance between the conferences was in the 80's when the Celtics dominated the East and the Lakers dominated the West and they traded trophies from coast to coast.

        The East is having their playoffs too and I say good for them.

        The Pistons will probably find a way to get back to the Finals. The Cavs pose their biggest threat since a player the caliber of Lebron can change quarters, games and series with his play. The Heat are a year older and will have a tender Wadw if they have him at all. The Bulls are tough too, in comparison with what is behind them in the East.

        Ah the East, where even the lowly, highly paid Knicks can hold playoff dreams and bonus checks like hookers, er, strippers in their hands.

        The Mavericks were a quarter away from looking at a sweep last season. They will probably be there again this post season against the Pistons and stamp down the throttle. So my pick last season was truly the Heat in six but I didn't really count it because I picked the Pistons and the Mavericks in the Finals. I will go with the fun title Finals like I went with the fun title for this entry:

        The Mavs and the Cavs in the NBA Finals. It was tough to pick which team the Mavs would sweep in the Finals but with the Buckeyes guiding me, bring on another high exposure beat down for one of my teams.

The NBA Playoff Structure

There is nothing like a quadruple-header spaced out over two networks to really kill a Saturday afternoon and evening. Those types of Saturdays don't just happen though, they are the culmination of all kinds of revolutions of the mighty planet we live upon.

It first takes 82 regular season games to even get to the playoffs. The season saw former NBA championship teams like the Knicks, Sixers, Celtics and Rockets miss the playoffs. It saw the return of Cleveland and the Clippers to the post season. It also saw the return of Elton Brand. I have not seen him play since he was at Duke. Another guy I hadn't seen play in awhile was Kurt Hinrich of the Chicago Bulls. I last saw him in a valiant comeback that fell short to Syracuse in the 2003 College National Championship Game.

I also saw a cat named Mello in that game and he is still dropping dimes for the Nuggets who won their division but had to travel to LA to play the Clippers for their first game. I missed the comeback that fell short for Denver because after three and a half games, I was pretty tuckered out from sitting and watching them all plus flipping channels during the commercials.

I also watched The Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again, W.I.T.C.H. (because my wife wanted to), listened to the Arizona Wildcat baseball team beat the Stanford Cardinal on the radio in my garage and made a prophetic statement about the NBA playoff format that was later corroberated by Brent Musberger on ESPN.

I told my wife that the structure of the playoffs bothers me because they give the three division winners the top three seeds. In the parity (mediocrity) that exists in all professional sports today, inevitably one division is weaker than the rest and the gap is widening as the years progress and the weak divisions change through the revolutions of their sports.

Not only does Denver, a division winner, have a worse record than the sixth seeded Clippers but also a potential Western Conference Finals match-up of the two top teams, San Antonio and Dallas, will occur in the second round since Dallas is now the four seed as the team with the best record not to win a division.

The solution is to seed them one through eight. If you win your division then you get a nice banner to put in your arena but you don't get a pseudo ranking that makes everything all convoluted for the balance of power in your conference.

Before I make my NBA Finals pick I did want to touch on my team, Cleveland, again. Lebron James has carried the Cavaliers all season so it was fitting that in his first playoff game ever he carried them again in historic fashion.

32, 11 and 11

Messed around and got a triple-double in a victory for his team.

I foresee another Detroit Piston/Miami Heat battle in the East and the second round Western Conference Finals to be won by Dallas then they will win the real WCF before they fall to the Pistons in the Finals. I would like to pick against the Pistons but they are so tough of mind. Nothing rattles them and their only real motivation is winning the last game of the season.

The New Indiana Paycheck, er, Jones

In waiting for twenty years to see the new Indy, I couldn't help but be excited that it was finally made. In watching the opening credits and seeing not only Speilberg, Lucas and Ford but also Frank Narshall as a producer and David Koepp as the screenwriter, it felt as if I was about to watch a good movie.

Perhaps a great movie.

So what you read in the following paragraphs is the voice of sheer and utter disappointment as I will be writing a review and not an article/review.

When I first walked out of the theater, I felt embarrassed to have even seen the movie Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. It was that horrible. There was no reason to even make such a disaster after a twenty year wait to the third installment that was a good, if not great, movie.

I know you want reasons why I would be so cruel to an iconic franchise with its iconic actor and iconic director. Speilberg has made Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan and Minority Report, among other classics. Harrison Ford was Han freaking Solo and a Blade Runner hunting down replicants. In the fourth Indiana Jones, he actually played the role like Wesley Snipes in Blade with his grunting way of talking through each and every scene. I think I already mentioned that. Why would I do such a thing? Is it to make fun of this horrible movie that such talented men and women were a part of?

Well, to answer that with another question: is South Bend in Indiana? And for you non-Notre Dame fans, how about Indianpolis, is that in Indiana?

Every scene was so far out of reality that this would have made a great slapstick. It started with Indy and a group of Russians chasing cun powder through the building that housed the Ark from, of all movies, Raiders of the Lost Ark. That led to Indy survivng a nuclear explosion by hiding in a lead refrigerator. For the majority of movies, that is where you would say the movies stopped making sense but this is Indiana Paycheck, er, Jones so you just naturally wait for it to get better.

I found myself waiting and waiting and waiting...

After surviving the atom bomb, every scene had to explain the scene before it. Some scenes had multiple pieces that made no sense so they were not able to explain all of the preceding scene in the following scene. If you are having trouble following this review then be prepared for the movie. For the parts that could not be quickly explained in the following scene, they became part of the mystery of the movie to be explained in the horrible third act that really did try to tie everything together.

I could see the jokes coming from a mile away. It is odd to sit in a theater where everyone is giving courtesy laughs and Freddie Prinze, Jr. is nowhere to be seen.

This movie was so bad that I actually left with two emotions, the first being shame and the second anger. Why did these talented Hollywood heavyweights make this movie? Are they hurting for cash? The name alone will make this movie a hit when this movie is nothing more than a bunch of talented people not caring about the product they put onto the screen.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a disgrace. It is not misunderstood by me at all (even though I didn;t understand it), however, since I understand that it was a disgusting excuse to grab as much easy money as possible.

I came home and watched Friday the 13th part 3, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning and Beer League on satellite. Those bad movies helped to cleanse me after watching that Indiana Turd in the theater.

The New NIN

        If only Trent Reznor would draw more attention to himself then he would be seen as the next great rock icon. Bono has learned how to use his fame from music to become an international star. Eminem is very good at using his loud voice and immense talent to get onto a lot of magazine covers but thankfully he has decided to call it a career and as great as he was, I don't think many people will really miss him. All Trent Reznor does is make great music and fly under the radar as others let you know how great they are.

        The latest effort from Nine Inch Nails is another glowing effort from the most underrated band today. [With Teeth] reminds of the great rock albums of yore by The Who and Pink Floyd where they were singing about themes. That is what is missing from this generation's rock rebellion, story albums. The only theme I hear from the artists of today is how great they are or how much bling they have or what charity they donate to or any other number of self-promoting songs that sound great on the radio but are never equaled in the disc as a whole.

        [With Teeth] is a journey from the love the world still has left, then it takes from the theme of an earlier work by Nine Inch Nails called The Downward Spiral as that love is slowly compartmentalized, fractured and bitten with teeth until it is put right where it belongs.

        The sound of the music is so good that a listener could get lost just in hearing it. That is the genius of Trent Reznor as a producer, he likes to mesmerize you with sound that almost make the lyrics irrelevant. One could listen to [With Teeth], not hear one word of the lyrics and still enjoy each song immensely. Reznor is always tweaking the way his band's sound is made and the result are songs that you know are by Nine Inch Nails.

        Trent Reznor is a poet. He is able to express what he has on his mind in a way that is ambiguous yet familiar. Do we know exactly what he is sayng? No. But that does not matter because he is taking us on a journey and allowing us to interpret what we are hearing. He is a poet hiding behind a veil and for as long as we have known him, that veil has not been pulled back to show us the intent of his words as he sees them.

        It has been a slow fifty years for poets. The only poet of renown to emerge from the 20th century is the brilliant Maya Angelou. Trent Reznor likes to sit at the back of the class to write his poems. He wants you to hear them. He wants you to feel something ethereal. He wants to keep making great music and lyrics. He is leading us upon a path we did not even know we were on and he wants for us to enjoy ourselves in spite of ourselves. If he were to get up on a soapbox and say all of that then he would be no different than 50 Cent or The Rolling Stones. The fact that he chooses to let his body of work speak for him is why he is the greatest poet, who makes great music, that we all seem to forget about.

        Check out [With Teeth] then go back to their other great albums (Pretty Hate Machine, Further Down the Spiral, All That Could Have Been, Broken, Halo Nine, The Fragile) and enjoy the greatness that you always knew was there but that the artist/producer/poet never took the time to scream about.

The New Tom Petty

        I will always be a fan of the album story. A song can be great and a song that is part of a story can become even greater. The list of great story albums has a decidedly old school flavor, so the fact that Tom Petty came out with a great CD telling a story about the lonely road is not all that surprising.

        Highway Companion is the first Tom Petty CD I have ever bought and it had to do with the cover. The isolation of a red desert where a rocket stands tall and an astronaut and his monkey just want to go home. I have always liked Tom Petty when I heard his songs on the radio. The reason I had never bought one of his CD's before is simple: everyone likes Neil Young and Tom Petty as muscial artists. Those who like Tom Petty more buy his CD's and those who like Neil Young more buy his. It is a case of greatness cancelling each other out but now, I am the proud owner of a grip of Neil Young CD's and one great Tom Petty CD.

        When an artist has been as brilliant as Tom Petty has been for as long as he has been doing his thing, it is common to find yourself nodding your head when his music plays. The joy comes in discovering how it is different from the other great things he has already created. Highway Companion is about the journey of life that we are all on. We are all looking for that Saving Grace and hope to see it out of a car window as we pass the milestones of our lives. After all of that time looking for it, it becomes clear that we might need to just go back to Square One and re-invent the search because when you are Flirting with Time, it might not flirt back.

        Sometimes you travel Down South to give a little more of yourself. Along the journey, there are always people rooting against you so you have to trust your gut and tell the detractors that they can go and find their own way, Jack. Sometimes, the only choice is to Turn This Car Around and find yet another path. Even on the wrong road, you can still have a Big Weekend.

        It pays, after getting all turned around, to have a steady Night Driver who can get you back on the highway and drifting toward home again. No matter how far you travel, there comes a time when the wanderers just want to go back home, even if they are Damamged By Love. Every journey seems to pass through This Old Town where no one wants to be. If you're not home then the journey is not over.

        It is the lyrics that make Tom Petty such a brilliant artist. I was able to see the lonely road through each song. It was long, flat and rode all the way to the horizon in every direction. Whenever I hear a great song, I imagine the artists in the studio jamming away while the guys in the booth nod their heads; I can hear the love for the music in the guitar riffs.

        The next time I am driving a long stretch to get home, because I am Ankle Deep in love, I will drive for what it is that I seek at that moment. I will always remember The Golden Rose that brought me back home to my baby. If ever I can't get back there, I will just have to wish that I was back in the arms of my beloved again.

The Old Cleveland/Houston NFL Rivalry

On the last day of 2006, the Cleveland Browns played the Houston Texans. It reminded that once upon a time, the Cleveland/Houston game was a great rivalry. The Browns were owned by Art Modell and the Oilers were owned by Bud Adams. Well, someone dropped a nickel in Baltimore and Modell took the Browns out there to get it then someone else dropped a nickel Nashville and Adams took the Oilers out there to get it.
Now, they play in a game that no one cares about. Is it as simple as the teams are not good so if they were good there would be interest? Both Modell's and Adams's current teams, the Baltimore Ravens and the Tennessee Titans, garnered a lot of interest this season and both have been to Super Bowls since their moves in the late 90's. The forum topic is this: are the current Cleveland and Houston franchises cursed?

The One Act Wonder

        Whenever a remake is made the first question I always seem to hear is have you seen the original? I have had to say no to that question a few times recently in regards to the Wolfgang Peterson remake of The Poseidon Adventure. I will be renting that movie soon and it will be because I enjoyed the remake that came out in May of 2006.

        Poseidon, with Kurt Russell and the next big star Josh Lucas, is a one act wonder of a movie. There was no backstory. There was no wrap-up story. There was very little about it that would make a typical movie in this day and age. It was an ambitious movie, full of amazing special effects, that is actually rather unique in spite of its own backstory. Like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last summer, the remake of Poseidon successfully became a movie to stand alone on its own sea legs.

        There was a whisper of what the main stars were all about. From Richard Dreyfuss's lost love, to Kurt Russell's strict guard over his daughter, to Josh Lucas's life lived on the seat of his pants but the main star soon evidenced itself. It is called a rogue wave. A tidal wave full of fury and destruction and the good ship Poseidon was caught in the wake. The sound of the water as it toppled the enormous ship was the sound of fury. The human screams within the ship were the direct result of the anger of the water as it flooded the capsized ship from the top down.

        When a group formed that wanted to get off of the ship instead of waiting for help, the water chasing them became even more of a voice of destruction. They left a ball room that was soon flooded and when those screams sank down to the group of potential escapees it was a magical movie moment.

        That is the greatest charm of the remake of Poseidon: there are about four great scenes. The rogue wave, the rising water in the ventilator shaft, the underwater explosions shown from below the ship and the performances of Kurt Russell and Josh Lucas.

        One last thing in the favor of Poseidon is the length. The movie did not have a deep and convoluted storyline. It had a story of terror, chaos, heroism and hope so when the story was told, the ending credits rolled. There is a charm when you say a movie could have added more because in this day and age, it seems that movies always need to lose a scene or two. Poseidon was darn near perfect for what it aimed to be: a one act wonder of movie remake where the effects and water were as important to the story as the actors, who all gave the movie heart as well as creating a rooting interest for people like me who, every once in awhile, just want to see a movie.

The Pau Gasol Deal or What Do You Have Against Larry Brown?

Over the course of sports time, their have been lopsided deals. The Boston Red Sox needed pitching in 1986 so they sent minor leaguer Jeff Bagwell to the Astros for Larry Anderson. Bagwell turned out to be a Hall of Famer (maybe)(it's hard to tell int he steroid age who is in and who will be left out) and the Red Sox didn't get their title until 18 years later. The Atlanta Braves picked up a guy named John Smoltz for Doyle Alexander when the Tigers needed some pitching and I can say for certain that Smoltz is a Hall of Famer.

Some minor leaguer was traded the other day for a bunch of baseball bats so their is no end to the zaniness of baseball deals but you can probably tell by the title here that I am going to eventually get on to basketball trades.

Not only that, you would also be safe to assume that I am going to focus on the Lakers. They brought in Wilt Chamberlain. They traded for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. They signed Shaquille O'Neal. They traded for Kobe Bryant. And now, in 2008, there is this big stink over the Pau Gasol deal. Kwame Brown was the key piece in the deal as the Grizzlies brought in the first overall pick bust and let go of a skilled big man.

Even the owner of the Memphis Grizzlies was heard saying that he made a bad deal but let's not go crazy here. Memphis has been in more cities (2) than they have playoff wins (0). If they make the playoffs next year and win a game then they will be ahead of the pace that Gasol led them to.

The Lakers are one of the best franchises in all of sports because they will make the deal to put them over the top. Only Wilt Chamberlain from the above list did not deliver a title to the Lakers after he moved to LA. They brought in Kareem from Milwaukee and drafter Magic Johnson to launch their 1980's run. They signed Shaq as a free agent and traded Vlade Divac to the Hornets for the rights to Kobe Bryant.

At the time of the Kobe trade, they were trading away a proven center for a high school player. It was a big gamble. A gamble that no other teams werew willing to make.

Not even the Charlotte Hornets, who drafed Kobe, were willing to stick with the future Hall of Famer. Here is some revisionist history for you so put on your thinking caps:

If the Hornets held onto the rights to Kobe then they would have had the marquee talent that every franchise covets. They could have built around him and been a consistent player in the Eastern Conference. That in and of itself might have kept the Hornets franchise in Charlotte. Instead, the Hornets, citing lack of attendance and interest, moved to New Orleans were switched to the Western Conference and finally got that coveted dynamic player in Chris Paul.

If all of that would have happened then there would be no Charlotte Bobcats and right now the venerable Larry Brown would not have a job. So I want to know from all of you that think the Gasol deal was far too lopsided just this one thing:

What do you have against Larry Brown?

The Seven Game Grind

Once upon a time, they were three game series and the first to win two advanced. For years they were five game series. A perennial playoff team, the Minnesota Timberwolves, always lost in the first round so for years their franchise had not even played in a seven game series. Now the first round is a seven game grind and when Phoenix blew out the Lakers in the only first round game seven, they were finally over.

It was an awesome round. There were a few games that were extraordinary. Some of the shots made you shake your head while others made you get out of your seat.

The Memphis Grizzlies have made it to their third straight post season and for the third straight season they were swept in the first round. Game three was a heartbreaker. With a three point lead late in the game, Dirk Nowitski hit a three to send it to overtime where the Mavericks dominated to take a three games to none lead.

The Grizzlies are 0-12 in the playoffs, if you need them.

The Clippers are into the second round since before they were in Los Angeles. The Western Conference Finals is in the second round this year because of the NBA playoff structure as the Spurs and the Mavericks will fight to move onto the real Western Conference Finals. The Suns have dispatched of one LA team and now has the opportunity to knock the other one out of the playoffs. Phoenix should go 2-0 against LA before falling to the Mavericks.

In the East, Detroit and Cleveland will recreate the old Michigan versus Ohio rivalry. My heart is with the Cavs, but the Pistons are too savvy for the young team. The Nets and the Heat is a great playoff matchup. The best backcourt in the NBA (New Jersey's Jason Kidd, Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson) against the revamped Miami squad led by Shaq and Dwyane Wade.

It is hard to say that Miami and Detroit won't play again in the Eastern Conference Finals so I won't. Look for Detroit to beat the Heat again but if it goes seven again, anything can happen.

The window of opportunity for a franchise to win a title is so small compared to the age of the game itself. The Spurs are in the prime of their run as our the Pistons. The Mavericks have been a young team for a few years that needs to finally grow up. The Cavs can't just be happy to be there but who could blame them if they were against the tough Pistons. Miami and New Jersey are looking through a closing window and neither has a ring to look at when the window finally shuts. The Suns also have the window closing on them when they never really won anything while looking at the view.

As for the Clippers, this is the proudest moment for their moribund franchise in over two decades. They even got stuck with Billy Crystal while the Lakers get Jack.

I think it is safe to say we are Clipper fans for a little bit. Well, maybe not the Nuggets so much. I guess Phoenix really isn't rooting for the Clippers either. Now that I think about it, Buffalo and San Diego used to have the Clippers so they might not be too enthused to see them finally winning once away from their cities.

You know, I even find myself feeling a little apathetic toward LA's second son. So what I said back up there, pick anything really, is just a big crock.

The Simpsons Stay in 1408

        Before I get too deep here, I want to say that I saw two movies in two days and they kinda blended together. Actually, I rented three movies I never saw and then saw a few more on TV. Goodfellas was on last night but I have seen that one so I don't know why I mentioned it.

Theater Movies
The Simpsons Movie (laughed my ass off)
1408 (scared my ass off)

Movies That Were Once in Theaters That I Rented At The Video Store
Zodiac (liked it)
Deja Vu (liked it)
The Number 23 (liked it)

Movies That Were Once on the Big Screen That I Saw On The Small Screen
A Scanner Darkly (liked it but the book was a lot better)
The Clearing (missed the beginning and end but liked what I saw)(I ended up watching Scrubs)

        But none of that is important as I begin my real article/review of The Simpsons Movie and 1408. So Homer again doomed Springfield by reading one of Mike Enslin's books and dumping pig crap into Lake Springfield. A dome was placed over Springfield just as Mike Enslin came to town. He felt trapped as only a visitor to a city recently covered in a dome would. Mike Enslin was supposed to stay at the haunted house on Evergreen Terrace, recently vacated by the man who doomed the city. The man did take his family, let's just say that they went to New York and stayed at the Dolphin Hotel.

        Although the manager got Homer drunk on Duff, he could not talk him out of staying in room 1408. Marge had heard enough and finally left Homer, taping over their wedding tape to leave him a message wtelling him that she was leaving him. She either took the kids back to Springfield or to Alaska.

        Either way, Homer ate all of the donuts in the mini-fridge and owes the Dolphin Hotel $1408. It was creepy watching what they did to make him pay.

        It was nowhere near the terror that Mike Enslin was experiencing in the house on Evergreen Terrace. It was a nightmare of suicides, inclimate weather, isolation and looters as the town suffered under the rule of a domed dome. He saw images of Lisa Simpson, or it could have been his own kid, as the evil house toyed with its new victim. Homer, the house deemed, was far too dull to be scared by their intelligent mayhem. He thought he was freed when the painting of the ship exploded into an ocean right in Springfield but no one gets off of Elm Street, er, Evergreen Terrace alive.

        And 1408 is out of donuts.

The Sins of George Bush

President-elect Obama has one heck of a hill to climb as the sins of George Bush are finally grinding to a halt. In a dawn of a new century and millenium, America chose the wrong man for office. Even that is not as cut and dry as it appears with his brother the governor of the state that pushed him over the edge in 2000. An election that will forever be mired in controversy and debate. We can call that the first sin of George Bush's leadership.

It is hard to remember what Bush's agenda was before 9/11 at this point but it is easy to remember what his agenda was after that date. Saudi Arabian financed terrorists attacked America so we started wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Both wars have reached quagmire levels, both lacked exit plans and both still are raging on. Oh, and those invested in the war have all made quite a sum of cash while American soldiers and civilans in Iraq and Afghanistan have lost their lives. George Bush sins and people die. It has been a terrible eight years.

The sins of Bush caused the liberal takeover of the Senate in 2006 and further accountability of last night as the grip on the Senate strengthened and now there is a liberal in the White House for the first time this century.

George Bush acted without any restraint for most of his life and it took the voters of this country to finally hold him accountable. There were alledged DUI's, supposed Awol from the National Guard, a losing baseball franchise (that I know for sure as the Texas Rangers have always been mediocre), rumored loss of money on oil deals in Texas and none of that stuck to Dubya.

It is not an end-all sentence for the conservatives of this country though. It is now the Democrats that have the power and if they cannot begin to re-build America from the sins of George Bush then the voters of this country will have to go back to the Republicans in order to hold the Democrats accountable.

That is the problem with our two-party system, there is no third choice to hold them accountable so they just have to bide their time until the other screws it up and they get their chance to screw it up again.

It seems that our system might be more flawed than a mere change in power can fix. Maybe I am too pesimistic, I mean, America is a lot older than me and here I am saying that this two party system is not working annymore. I have one solution, bring back the Whig Party. It does feel as if the clouds are passing though, we no longer have the sins of George Bush weighing us down. We now have hope again and after eight long years, I kinda like the way hope feels again.

The Spurloafers

        Every city in America has a thriving music scene. The new sound that we are all looking for is out there for all of us who complain that radio playlists kill great songs by over playing them. It's at local venues, bars, open mic nights and other gathering spots for musicians and other artists. It is a scene because it happens then it's over so when I sit at home typing away, listening to my muzak for the hundredth time, I miss it.

        I did venture from my house a few times and it was pretty exciting. I wrote about it in Blinverted in case I became even more reclusive in the future. At one of the open mic nights, I heard pieces of The Spurloafers (lead singer Denise Lane and bass player Dean Maier) and thought their acoustic sound was very solid so I was excited to pick up their CD.

        Their studio sound is amazing. The first track, Made of Clay, seemed an uneven mix upon first hearing it. When The Cricket Song started, the range of The Spurloafers enhanced the appeal of their first song. His First Motorcycle pushes the sound in a third direction and they have you. The rest of the songs you enjoy the beats, the lyrics and the range of their sound.

        All twelve tracks sparkled throughout. The lyrics are the kind of rock poetry that means something different to everyone who hears it. The Tucson music scene is lucky to have a band like The Spurloafers to showcase what our musicians are really all about and that is making great music.

The Star Wars Universe

 In the middle of May, in the year of 2005, in thousands of cineplexes across this great land, the most anticipated movie event will blast its way into theaters.  The world around the Star Wars universe has changed so drastically since 1983 when The Return of the Jedi completed the first trilogy.  No one in 1983 had the ability to download the movie and cut into George Lucas's profits.  Also in 1983 the multiplexes we take for granted today were mere theaters with up to four screens.  I had to wait in line through one entire showing just to get tickets with my parents and another showing passed while we waited in line to get into the theater.

    Can anyone say Fandango?

    I waited for that feeling to return in the late spring of 1999 when the Phantom Menace came out but it never did.  Maybe I was no longer a young kid.  Maybe meeting a man brandishing an ID with the name of Obi-Wan Kenobi unnerved me.  Of course it could have been the disappointing flick which was the unjust recipient of sixteen years of hype that made that feeling go away.

    I remember walking out of the theater in 2002 after seeing Attack of the Clones and thinking it was great.  I still enjoy it to this day but compared to the first trilogy (where Empire Strikes Back was a momentous epic) the feeling wrought from Jedi was replaced with gratitude that Episode Two was at least better than Episode One.      

    I fully expect the third installment to be greater than the first two (combined) and that feeling has brought with it an anticipation as the days slowly cycle toward May.  At the age of 28 I do not have the energy to look forward to an event as inconsequential as a movie but I also know that no movie will ever bring me closer to that anticipation I felt as a youth waiting for hours in the long corridor of the Mallet Mall in Canton, Ohio.  At the age of 28 I think more of the future than I did back in 1983.  It is those pontifications that led me to talk about the Star Wars universe of tomorrow, beyond the great day in May when all six are accessible to every fan across the land.

    The disappointment of the first two, no matter how great the third may prove to be, fills me with hope for yet another trilogy (VII-IX).  There is a cycle of novels out taking up from the point of of the destruction of the second Death Star.  They are called Heir to the Empire (about the cloning of a dark side Jedi Master to aide the fractured Empire in its new position as the Rebellion), Dark Force Rising (where a former Grand Admiral named Thrawn, an alien with blue skin, leads the remnants of the Empire into a force to rival the New Republic) and the final book where of course everything wronged is righted as the bad guys have the worst luck at the worst time. 

    Beyond that there is a book called the Courtship of Princess Leia where the New Republic seeks aide from a race that is equal parts wealthy and secretive.  In that book Rancors (like the one in Jabba's pit are tame beasts that where shoulder harnesses and carry people across the land as opposed to eating them in a few computer simulated bites). 

    There is a trilogy where Luke scours the universe for those sensitive to the Force in a hope of rebuilding the proud fraternity of the Jedi.  Plus a great comic book series exists where a clone of Emperor Palpatine becomes another leader to rescue the Empire from the depths of their demise.

    The point of all of this is that the Star Wars universe need not only be on the big screen.  If George Lucas never makes the third trilogy of movies that does not mean he did not endorse the universe's expansion.  But for those who would rather have images put in front of their eyes instead using words to create images of the mind, the disappointment of the first two episodes could make more movies a possibility. 

    I remember Mark Hamil once commenting that he wished he had a shirt which read "Go Ask George" in regards too all of the questions he heard about the Star Wars universe.  George Lucas would not do it for the money since he does not need it. 

    As a Star Wars fan, I hope he will make more movies (from the ample number of books already in existence or from ideas he has in his own mind) to wash out the bad taste of Jar-Jar Binks and Jake Lloyd.  I hope he will make more movies to tap into the potential melding of plot and special effects shown in Attack of the Clones.  Assuming The Revenge of the Sith can rank with the first three (right now my order would be V, IV, VI, II, all nine Star Treks and then I) he could even do 7-9 to build upon the possible momentum created by III. 

    We have all heard this or that (I heard that time was the obstacle for any further movie adventures; so don't wait sixteen years next time George) regarding why III will be the last one. 

    Maybe I shouldn't worry about it.  I mean, I have made it my whole life without the much anticipated sequel to THX-1138 and I seem to have turned out fine.

    Other than my preoccupation with the Star Wars universe.

The Week 3 Preview, 2007

I have always thought of Week 3 as a bell weather week in the NFL. The surprise 3-0 teams can push their success to 3-0 and that means they have to lose three straight to go back to .500, which might not seem like a lot but three weeks is almost a quarter of the season.

The 0-2 teams have this one last week to start their season. 0-3 is a tough number to come back from because it takes three wins just to get back to .500.

And for all of the 1-1 teams, well, 2-1 looks a whole lot better than 1-2.

The surprise 2-0 teams would be Houston, Green Bay and Detroit. The two NFC teams are really in good shape already but the Texans go up against Indy in week 3. This is a bell weather game for a franchise that has not made a splash yet. When the Texans beat the Colts last year, it was the highlight of their season. They beat the Colts this week then that franchise might be looking at a playoff run for the first time.

The surprise 0-2 teams are Philly, New Orleans and St. Louis. All three are playoff caliber teams and all three have been their own worst enemies. Luckily all three are in the NFC so they should be okay with a win in week 3.

The season so far has been sluggish. The NFL had bad momentum leading into the season with Mike Vick. Then in season has been a real trip with the Patriots accused of and proven to be cheating.

The Raiders looked better than expected. The Broncos have scraped by with two nail biting wins. The Browns scored 51 points and only won by six.

In the NFC, Brett Favre is having fun while the Saints look like they are not having a good time. The Redskins ae 2-0 but it is not as impressive a 2-0 as the Cowboys. Tony Romo is looking very comfortable as the 'Boys QB.

I hope that Commissioner Goodell can stay out of the headlines for a few eeks so we can build some football momentum as we get further into the season.

There's Two Kinds of Vampires

Stephanie Meyer is America's JK Rowling. Check out these numbers:

4 best selling books that have sold over 43 million copies worldwide

The budget for Twilight the movie was 37 million and it has made 380 million worldwide

The DVD, which spawned this article/review, sold 3 million copies on the first day of release

So the question is this: Is Twilight any good? Can millions of girls and women be wrong?

My wife saw it twice in the theater and I avoided both times out of male pride. When she pre-ordered the DVD and it showed up at our house, I saw the writing on the wall. I was very close to seeing Twilight. You see, I make her watch all kinds of sports and I am all about compromise. She asked if I wanted to watch it with her and I stopped watching the 1998 NFC Championship game between Minnesota and Atlanta (I love the NFL Network) so we could turn it on.

My wife is helping with this review/article and we just don't see things the same way. For the purposes of this article/review, I will see things in regular print and she will see things in italics.

I have not read any of the books. I have read all four of the books several times, I have gotten my sister-in-law to read them, the ladies at work and my sister-in-law has gotten her neighbor to read them.

I thought the main star, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), was beautiful but falls into the trap that a lot of young actresses that she needs to hone her craft. Kristen Stewart was true to the character created in the book. Bella sees herself as being very plain but she is not and Kristen Stewart really portrayed that all too feminine trait very well.

Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) was a strong presence throughout the movie and did not fall into the trap of other young actors as he was very nuanced in his role. Edward is very complex because he doesn't want to be a monster and he was also true to the character created in the books. One aspect that did not make the movie was that Edward did have a period where he did kill humans. He went after murderers and rapists because he explained to himself that if he killed bad people that he wouldn't be so bad.

There are two kinds of vampires in the world created by Stephanie Meyer. Vegetarian vampires that only drink animal blood and the according to Hoyle's vampires that want to suck your blood. In Twilight, vampires can go out during the day but it has to be cloudy or else you can see their skin shine like diamonds. Vampires never sleep either so there are no coffins in dungeons. There are no moats either and even Bella knows that.

Twilight is a love story between a human and an animal blood drinking vampire. The conflict comes when the human blood suckers, the Nomads (Cam Gigandet, Edi Gathegi and Rachelle Lafevre), get a whiff of Bella when the vegan vamps are playing baseball on a cloudy day. Twilight is about forbidden love between a human and a vampire. Bella and Edward have to find a happy medium where they can be together without anyone finding out about Edward's secret and also without Edward's family sucking Bella's blood.

Twilight was beautifully shot and the adaptation from a 498 page book into a two and a half hour movie was very well done. The setting of Forks, Washington was a dreary wonderland. There were moments of humor and action amidst the love story. A lot was left out of the movie so I do recommend reading the book. The DVD did have a few deleted scenes that would have worked in the movie but at two and half hours, they packed as much as they could into it.

Twilight is a fun movie for the guys and a great gift for the girls. Pick up your copy of the DVD today at http://astore.amazon.com/popculher-20

Thanks Heather for getting me to see Twilight on DVd finally, I've actually seen it twice now. Seven times and counting for me and I've read the books a few times too.

Things Are Tough All Over

Sometimes movies come along that are best to be seen alone. A theater where every other seat is full would make perfect sense for a movie like The Weather Man where all of life’s hard questions are uttered and the answers are upsettingly honest.

Movies are a hub of our society. They are the cap to a good date. A great pastime of the matinee fan. They are seen as a social experience yet are truly personal journeys shown to us in social settings. Even my decision to see The Weather Man held social undertones.

It was the morning of November 17, 2005. I dropped my car off at the shop for some pro-active maintenance (tune-up, oil change, mending a leak in the radiator) and actually got a ride across the city to the mall from my mechanic’s wife.

I have a great mechanic.

I got to the theater at eleven with the plan of watching a movie and then going to grab lunch since I wanted to get a drink or two but the next obstacle of my day arose: Jarhead was at 12:30 and The Weather Man played a scant five minutes earlier. I took my now noticeably empty stomach (the mechanic’s wife and I talked about food on the ride to the mall) to a restaurant and, due to circumstances beyond my control, I took a seat at the bar. I saw an old friend, Mike Z, and met a new one while sipping on a morning Margarita with only a twinge of guilt.

Thursdays are also two dollar Mexican beer day so I had a couple of those too in the down time before the movie and eventually my guilt subsided. While eating my Asian salad and French fries and sipping on a Corona out of a cold glass with a lime I talked with Mike Z about how I wanted to see Jarhead. The new friend I met had seen Jarhead and said it was great. One of the waiters also saw it and said it was brilliantly promoted since it was a war movie with only the threat of war in it. It made him feel the anticipation of the horrors that could happen when placed into a chaotic state and forced to survive.

At around eleven-forty, with a Margarita and half a Corona in me, I was leaning toward Jarhead based on the overwhelmingly positive takes I heard about it. I finished the Corona and started a Dos Equis out of the bottle. A mellow feeling was coming over me and a war movie full of the tension of battle began to seem a bit much for me on this day. Also there was a five minute head start that accompanied The Weather Man. Is my life so important that those five minutes held some kind of importance to me? I came to two distinctly opposite answers to that one question. The first was an obvious no and the second was a vanity-riddled yes.

It starts with a frozen lake. The layer of ice is reduced to sheets by the water underneath. The invisible wind all around pushes the water below the ice to create a porous cover. It was the perfect symbolism for a movie that wanted to talk about so many things that are great topics with lousy conclusions, a.k.a., life.

The Weather Man was not a simple case. He was not suffering from a mid-life crisis. It is so easy to use that label when a man becomes disenfranchised but does it solve anything? There was no middle for The Weather Man so he was suffering from a life crisis. He was so deep into crisis that at one point he tried to place a beginning to his suffering. It was as confused as he was and had to do with absent tarter sauce.

It wasn’t right and it wasn’t wrong. It is like the wind that pushes the weather. The wind creates variance and that is the reason why weather men sometimes have trouble predicting whether it will rain or shine.

Ever wonder why no one ever wonders if it will shine or rain?

The Weather Man loves his kids and he still loves his ex-wife. He has to hear his ex-wife tell him that she hated him when they were married. He wants his kids to stay kids but cannot stop the world from growing them up right under his nose.

In simply communicating with his daughter though, he has a breakthrough to his dour perspective. It is her strength that helps her father when what he thought was a bad name said about her was actually seen as a compliment to her when she heard it.

The Weather Man had his own dream and along that journey of his the movie was perfectly symbolized. He was interviewing for a national weather man gig. The shot only had him in the scene as he answered three questions: one in front of him, one to his left and one to his right. Although he only looked in each of those directions, I could see him being pulled in those three directions all of the time. Not only was he being pulled three ways at once, the path behind him, which he never looked at, was always on his mind through all of his memories.

His father is an award winning writer so The Weather Man wrote a book that he is not proud of. He comes to grips with the fact that he is a fast food maven in a fast food world. His route to that realization has to do with the fast food that is flung at him on an occasion. He makes almost a quarter of a million dollars a year yet never has any money in is wallet.

The dualities pile on top of each other for him. He is just not happy and it makes those around him unhappy but none of them know how to make it stop. Things are tough all over but we have forgotten what makes things tough. Maybe it’s the fact that adult life is not supposed to be easy and we are all looking for the easy path. Maybe it’s the fact that we have video games that need Mature ratings when it is immature for mature people to play them. Maybe it’s the wind pushing and pulling to produce the variance that creates the ceiling of our lives. Maybe it’s that we all want to be something special but we are only that which we are: fallible, lustful, reactive, repentant, happy and sad.

I mean look at me, this is like my tenth review and I’m still no good at it. I keep trying though because things are tough all over and writing makes me happy.

Maybe me and Mike Z should just go back to Basin City. Things are a lot more black and white there. The Weather Man is gray and he is okay with that. He still tries to be black and he tries to be white and along the way he might even see a burst of blue and he will have a sad smile, or what could be a happy frown, upon his face.

Triple Feature

Click

        Adam Sandler is still pushing the limits of his acting ability. I think it is amazing to see the depth he puts into his characters in movies like Punch Drunk Love, Spanglish and now Click. He makes you laugh, he makes you cry and he is one of the many reasons why movies are fun to go to.

        I went to two of them on that day. I might have hit the bar twice too but things are a little fuzzy, now, a few weeks later when I’m sitting here listening Military Night on JT the Brick and writing this crap.

        What if you were given a universal remote that could work reality?

        I couldn’t do it but, then, I did see how things could break down in Click and I don’t want to be a big fat pig and have a massive…

        Let me stop giving away parts of the movie that maybe you haven’t seen in the previews yet and tell you that Christopher Walken was in top form, as always. Kate Beckinsale was something special. She was able to identify her character as an individual away from the main star husband. She left him for being on “auto-pilot” way too much and got with the swim coach, Sean Astin (he and Sandler were in 50 First Dates together). Sean Astin can play any role he is given.

        To jump off-topic, (ADD, sorry) Rudy is one of the greatest movies ever. What other movie can you watch dozens of times and still cry at the end of it? I will have to admit right now, for the record, I have never actually seen Old Yeller, so, Rudy’s the one for me.

        I would have sobbed buckets if they had tied Rudy to a tree at the end of Rudy.

        JT just said “shoots”.

        Wild stuff, man.

Nacho Libre

        I loved Nacho Libre. It was right up my alley as the stupid kind of comedy U can’t wait to watch over and over.

        “Where is your robe?”

        “It was… stinky.”

        I was quoting that before I even saw the movie. People were calling me on it.

        “You haven’t even seen the movie, dude.”

        “Nachoooooooooooooooooooooo!”

        It ended the argument, if there was one to be… had.

        The last time I saw Jack Black was in King Kong. I did imagine Nacho as the director on Skull Island more than once and it made me laugh, more than once.

        How about that stampede of the dinosaurs in King Kong (sorry, ADD)?

        There was little depth to Nacho Libre, other than his desire to feed the children of the monastery better than the stuff that even Nacho could not choke down.

        So he wrestled.

        ‘Nuf said.

        Go see it.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

        I’m kind of getting winded here. Three movies in four days, with two on the same day, wore me out to the point where I couldn’t even go to the bar after Pirates of the Caribbean 2.

        I had to go home and take a nap.

        It was the middle of the second movie inspired by an amusement park ride that really wore down my batteries. The first one hit big so, inevitably, there was going to be a second one. I am actually looking forward to the third one, despite the very boring middle part of the second one.

        To be honest, I thought the first one was a tad long too and the second movie could have cut thirty minutes out and no one would have noticed. I didn’t, I was asleep.

        Johnny Depp was superb, again, as Captain Jack. Orlando Bloom is engaged Kiera Knightley, the lovley, lovley Kiera Knightley, plus he has to try to rescue the swashbuckling Captain Jack from himself.

        Don’t take my satire too seriously because the second installment of the amusement park ride franchise is a good movie. It’s simple math: the beginning is good, the end is good so the boring middle mystery about some chest is overridden.

        Well, the middle did explain why the bad guy was bad, I guess, but I saw the heart in the chest. I was confused but I figured the heart was important for some reason. Also, there was this massive sea monster that seemed like a bad guy unto itself, that was linked to the other bad guy, Davey Jones.

        Is it just me or wasn’t Davey Jones the lead singer of The Monkees?

        It’s probably just me.

We Shook Up The World

        Every time I see Mike Z I still think of Basin City. That was a year ago now but where does the time go? This time around we didn’t even talk about shaking up the world. We could shake up the world another day so I had a burger and a Margarita, in the opposite order, and told him I wanted to see Dave Chapelle’s Block Party.

        A buddy told me that the movie was no good but my mind was set. That and I had time for a beer to wash down the burger and Margarita if I went to the block party. I think that was very important later and if I remember why then I will tell you. One good thing about hearing the movie you are about to see is not good is the lowering of expectations which accompanies any such proclamation. If you walk into a movie that is not supposed to be good and you are still disappointed then you have just watched a bad movie. No bad movies are coming to mind now but I know that they are out there.

        Eddie Murphy might be in a few of them.

        Or Sylvester Stallone.

        After seeing the Dave Chapelle interview by James Lipton on Inside The Actor’s Studio, I found myself looking for anything by Chapelle. His show on Comedy Central, and also on DVD, is hilarious. Half-Baked is a stoner movie of epic proportions. He even adds to the fun of The Nutty Professor as a foul-mouthed comedian.

        He really nailed that role by the way.

        Dave Chapelle’s Block Party is a different kind of movie. It is about an idea that leads to action with the result of a great show even in the rains of Brooklyn. It starts with Dave hitting the streets to drum up interest. Watching him talk with the good folks of his Ohio town is something to behold. What would I do if Dave Chapelle walked up to me and invited me to a block party?

        The movie was edited very crisply as well so scenes from the block party showed up throughout the build-up to it. Once the block party was reached there were many cuts to the practice for the show interspersed into the footage of the performances.

        The music was fantastic.

        Having tequila and a beer in me helped me get through and enjoy the movie. It has a certain level of pointlessness that could annoy anyone not a fan of Dave Chapelle or not fucked up in some way. The pointlessness from another angle is the movie falling into itself completely. The movie was about creating a party where only rain would have been. It was about our love of music and how that love should bring us closer together.

        It was about an hour and a half long.

        The greatest joy for me is just in watching Dave. He is a human being first and when he lost sight of that, he got on a plane for Africa. He is famous for his humor. He has reaped a lot from his humor and fame but a point was crossed where too much occurred. It is hard to say too much of what since only Dave lived through that but I know that I have wanted to throw my hands up more times than I could count. Just because I am not able to fly away for a break does not make me lose any empathy for Dave Chapelle. I saw a man on the screen slowly piecing himself back together. I saw that he was enjoying the process of his redemption and that can give hope to us all.

        The greatest part of the movie for me was seeing and hearing Lauryn Hill sing. Her travails were big news a few years back until the public lost interest. She sang so well and looked so good but there was a sadness in her as well. She has been piecing herself back together also and Dave Chapelle’s Block Party was another step for her on her travels.

        Life is a journey without roads. So if there is a destination, it might never be reached. We might have already been there as well. All I know is that me and Mike Z are out of Basin City and onto the block party. I wonder where we’ll wind up next.

        We will just have to see.

What Happened to the American Dream?

Watchmen is an extraordinary movie. From the adapted screenplay by David Hayter and Alex Tse of a graphic novel by Alan Moore and David Gibbons to the direction of Zack Snyder and the way Larry Fong shot it to the performances of the cast, the two and a half hours flew by.

The genre of graphic novels to film has been wildly successful with great movies like Sin City and V for Vendetta already made, Watchmen is the next, and best, one in line. It is 1985 and Richard Nixon is still the president of the United States. The Doomsday Clock is at five to midnight as the Cold War between the USA and the USSR is at a fever pitch. Over the classic song The Times Are Changing by Bob Dylan, the world as it is in Watchmen is set-up. With the noticeable exception of Watergate, there was a banner for Nixon's third term. Then The Comedian (Jeffery Dean Morgan) was attacked and killed in his own home. He told his assailant that it was all a joke and the journey to discover that joke takes the audience from New York to Vietnam to Mars and to Antarctica.

It was a journey through a world on the brink of annihilation. A world where wearing masks was outlawed by Tricky Dick. A world where Dr. Manhatten (Billy Crudop) was the one Watchman who kept the USA and the USSR from launching the finall assault. When asked if the Doomsday Clock had any meaning, Dr. Manhatten told a throng of reporters that it was no more useful than a picture of oxygen to a drowning man.

Every Watchman had a rich and textured backstory that unfolded as the story of the world they were protecting evolved. Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley) was investigating the murder of The Comedian first. He went to Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) for help only to see that there would be no help. Rorschach received more bad news from Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), who had turned his career as a Watchman into a lucrative career as a businessman. It took more than a mandate from President Nixon to stop the Watchmen. Nite Owl was left hopeless when watching the actions of an alive and angry Comedian pummel a mass of people on one of their watches. Nite Owl asked The Comedian what happened to the American Dream and The Comedian never hesitated when he answered that the country was living it.

That was the greatest power of Watchmen as it was brutally honest about the world and the America we are living in today. The American Dream has become this perversion of sex, violence and corruption and still there are those who want to make sense of it. Who want to defend the people even if their actions make them sick. With original songs from not only Bob Dylan but also Simon and Garfunkal as well as Jimi Hendrix (covering a Dylan song no less), there was not a sour note in the whole dark tale of Watchmen. The choices made to protect the world lead to dire actions. Are the actions justified?

That is for you the viewer to debate afterwards.

What happened to the American dream?

That is for us in America to debate in this perilous time and if a humble movie like Watchmen can bring us to that discussion then it will stand for as long as the strife of our world continues.

Watchmen will hold up to the test of time as all cinematic masterpieces deserve.

Why Does It Still Count?

        When it first counted, I thought it was a decent idea. Baseball had a terrible way to give home field advantage for The World Series, they alternated giving leagues the home field every year. Giving the winner of The All-Star Game home field in The World Series was, in my mind, an upgrade from the other system.

        The novelty has ended and now I wonder why does it still count?

        The NFL is again the leader of the sporting leagues with their neutral site Super Bowl showcasing one American city a year. The NBA and the NHL play in series format so neutral sites would not work over seven games so the team with the better record gets the home site advantage. That is what MLB needs to do, make it about regular season records. You guys play 162 of them, shouldn't those count for something?

        It is always about ulterior motives and the national pastime, under the reign of Bud Selig, has become riddles with hidden agendas. Fox wants to have the ratings the Basebal All-Star Game had back in the day. Each of the big channels hate the advant of cable, satellite and the Internet because all of those have plunged their ratings when compared to previous eras.

        Bud can never catch a break, either. The team he owns, er, used to own, the Milwaukee Brewers, were the host ballpark for a recent All-Star Extravaganza. The game was competitive and after twelve tied innings, with all of the pitchers exhausted, Bud called the game a tie.

        It was not well received.

        Panic usually causes the worst course of action. Fox panicked about their ratings, Bud panicked about the TV deal and suddenly the All-Star Game's winner was the home team in The World Series.

        Some things seem so obvious that only hidden agendas could keep them from coming to reality. A College Football Playoff System seems to be the most glaring. The NBA Playoff Structure could be a close second. And making the team with the best record host the World Series is right up there too.

        I shouldn't be so harsh. In 1994 there was no World Series at all so every year that there actually is one is a successful season for the embattled commissioner of baseball.