Steve Anderson's Reviews
Well, the Broken Clock Theory does have its obverse--while it may be right twice a day, it's still wrong plenty of others, and "Lake Dead" is going to be one of those.
You would think that the upshot to the After Dark Horrorfest is that even the worst movie in the rotation is still pretty good, but sadly, for the first time, that's just plain old not the case. "Lake Dead" is garbage. Utter garbage. How this got into a block of otherwise excellent movies is beyond me.
So I confess to some doubt before I put in "The Deaths of Ian Stone". I saw the trailers, and the synopsis, and it struck me as an experiment. While any experiment has incredible potential to be a rare and unique gem, it also has incredible potential to be a train wreck of devastating proportions.
When you see the plot, you'll see why. Check this out: some guy named Ian Stone (hence the title) runs into some strange something-or-other that forces him into the path of an oncoming train. Okay, big punch right away, right? But check out the rest--instead of dying, as most people tend to do when getting hit with a train, Ian Stone finds himself in a new life that seems oddly familiar. Until the strange something-or-other comes back, and Ian Stone finds himself back on the other end of the dying stick. It soon becomes clear that Ian will keep right on dying...until he can find out why.
Obviously, no one learned from the mistake that was "Dark Harvest". Or the even bigger mistake that was "Dark Harvest 2".
And since we're all doomed to repeat history that we don't learn from, let's plunge on into the history that seems to repeat itself--this time, about a land grab that ends, not surprisingly, poorly. The James Brothers murder a woman to take over her land, and of course, she's got the capacity to curse their entire bloodline. which, of course, she does. Now, one of the James Brothers' descendents, who has no idea what his ancestors did, comes back to the land to fall victim to the curse he had no idea existed.
Another stinker from the producers of Saw, folks...let's wade right into this sub-sewer and see what we've got.
Basically, a young woman goes to Paris for the first time and winds up at a party in the Catacombs, a labyrinthine mass of burial chambers and assorted morbid French inscriptions. After she becomes separated from the rest of the party, she finds herself believing a horror story told earlier about a goat-masked monster of a man who kills people in a grotesque and horrifying fashion.
email@example.com Now, I recently got my hands on the Masters of Horror Season One box set, in the Mausoleum Pack, no less. Now that by itself is exciting news, but what's even better is that the stuff that's in it is pure-T gold. Okay, granted...some of it is better than others. But still, let's face facts--by and large this was the top season of Masters of Horror. Which wasn't hard considering what a total shit heap the second (and last) season was. Just to give you some rundown, the Masters of Horror series was an absolutely brilliant idea that just couldn't last. You take the greatest names in horror--Takashi Miike, John Carpenter, Joe Dante, among others--and you let them make an hour-long movie on Showtime without any kind of cowardice-driven content restriction. You know, like the kind you get on network television. And like the kind poor Mick Garris, the show's creator, is going to face with his next project, "Fear Itself".
firstname.lastname@example.org Now, I will admit--freely admit!--that I had mixed feelings when I slipped a copy of "Killer Pad" into my DVD player. More on that in a minute---first, we've got to talk plot. Three idiots are dumb enough to move into a house at 666 Perdition Lane, sold to them by Bobby Lee in drag. Despite the unheeded warnings of a friendly Mexican continually shrieking about "el diablo"--which the idiots mistake for references to hot sauce--they move into the house, which they later discover is a portal to hell.
Okay..."Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane" sounds like a horrible, horrible idea.
Like someone at New Line decided, several months too late, to cash in on the surprising success of "Snakes on a Plane".
Meanwhile, "Flight of the Living Dead" seems to be mostly about a flight about to be overrun by zombies due to a highly unauthorized, illegal, immoral, etc. project currently in the cargo hold. Which is about what you'd expect out of something like this--I kept wondering if I was
You've got to be concerned about anything that purports to be "based on true / reported events". "Invasion" will prove to be one more example.
Based on something called "The Lawton Outbreak", a report by someting called the N.S.A.A-C.D.C, "Invasion" details the events surrounding a meteor that strikes the earth's surface just outside a small town in California. This meteor contains a large quantity of virulent disease, that starts a rapid spread throughout the small town. How will it be contained? What really
You've got to love a movie about werewolves that claims to take place in "the near future", and that's exactly where "Werewolf: The Devil's Hound" is set.
Basically, someone's going to try and ship a werewolf via bulk rate parcel post on an ocean liner, but the shipment will be misdirected to an amateur special effects / film studio. Said studio is in process of preparing for a large dog-and-pony show for three major west coast investors. Thus, having a werewolf running around loose will not make things any easier for them.
Clearly somebody missed the "Captivity" memo. Guys...torture porn just doesn't do it any more. You can't have a movie where people get subjected to horrible, unpleasant things for ninety minutes and expect your audience to stick around for the gooshy.
Oh...yeah...you only expect your audience to stick around for seventy eight minutes of gooshy. Well, that's great--cheat them in both directions.
The plot of "Gag" is fairly simple, and that's the biggest part of the problem. Basically, a couple thieves break into a torture porn movie in progress and get themselves involved in it to all sorts of unpleasant, blood-soaked ends.